The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo?

Posted by LivingFirecloseAuthor: LivingFire Name:
Email: nymphetaminekiss@googlemail.com
Site: http://www.nymphetaminekiss.com/
About: LivingFire, early 20s kinky, submissive, bisexual student, in possession of a toy collection currently threatening to engulf the house. Hailing from England, where she lives with her boyfriend and several housemates who know better than to ask "what's in the box?!"See Authors Posts (5)

Greedy, unsure, just experimenting, going through a phase, a slut, a liar.

All things that I have heard bisexual people referred to as, in today’s so-called modern society.

Whether intentional or unthinking, bisexual denial is a frustrating thing for bisexual, pansexual or ‘fluid’ people to have to deal with. It became unacceptable, in the majority of places, to pass comment on a gay or lesbian person for their sexuality, yet it seems that bisexuality lags behind. Even in the LGBT scene, there are so many who see bisexuality in a different light to the rest of the queer community.

One problem I feel society seems to hold with non-binary sexualities is that they just won’t fit neatly into a box. In a world made up of shades of grey, where so little is defined black-or-white, this makes so little sense. In reality, fewer people than you might think would comfortably slot into the gay/straight categories. Routinely, though, people who have publicly identified themselves as being bisexual or pansexual are relabelled as gay or straight by the media, or members of the public. Even in purportedly LGBT-positive shows bisexuality takes another beating. A prime example comes in the form of the hit show The L Word. There are several depictions of bisexuality during the show, most notably from Alice. However, it is frequently shown to create social tension, or to be a phase or a stepping stone to the woman in question recognising she is in fact a lesbian.

Most frequently in the media we see bisexuals labelled as being straight when they’re with an opposite-gendered partner and gay when they’re with a same-sex partner. And of course between times, they must have just “changed their mind”. Even media that presents itself as being pro-LGBT can often be found using terms like “the gay and lesbian community”, effectively immediately excluding the half of the acronym.

“Hi, waiter? Yeah, I’ll take my confused sexuality with a side of indecision please!”

This isn’t just the case in the media though, friends and family are just as guilty of this binary pigeonholing. I remember at the age of 17, I was dating my first girlfriend. This was, admittedly to be a fairly complex and dramatic relationship – but I firmly believe that had nothing to do with her gender and everything to do with who she was! I do remember being in a car with my best friend at the time, and her parents. Her dad giggled childishly while asking if I really was gay, before explaining that he and his wife had a bet on, the prize of a sherbet dib-dab up for grabs, on whether this was “a phase”. I tried to explain I was bisexual. I gave up after a while.

At the same age (17 was a big year for me!), I remember telling my mother that I was bisexual. I didn’t do it very well, any time would likely have been better than mid-argument, but I remember it being one of those things that really just happened naturally. I yelled that it was hard for me to listen to the things she’d say. I have known from a young age that my parents, and in particular my mum, have had gay and lesbian friends. My mum has said before that she has no problem with gay people but admitted to me on several occasions that she did have a problem with bisexuals. I don’t remember having a huge battle with myself over liking both genders, and remember being conscious of my natural liking of boys and girls from a fairly young age, as young as 10 or 11 even.

I strongly believe both the media attitude and that of the public can be attributed to a misconception of choice. That bisexuals should just “pick a side” and be done with it. If a heterosexual or homosexual person was told they should choose either short or tall people, it’d be seen as absurd. I see the concept of a bisexual person “choosing” to date only one gender in much the same way.

Criticisms of bisexuality have come from sources such as studies showing bisexual-identified males showing unequal sexual excitement to images depicting either males or female; however all this demonstrates is the comparative rarity of a true 50/50 bisexuality. Enter the Kinsey scale. As overly simplistic as it may be, the Kinsey scale introduced the concept of a scale of sexuality excellently, suggesting that people can be, and are, somewhere on a scale between absolute homosexuality and absolute heterosexuality, with being equally-balanced bisexual as the midpoint. Within this scale, everyone sees themselves at their own point (mine is roughly centre) but ultimately everything that isn’t at either end, falls under the category of being, to either more or less of a degree, bisexual.

The single biggest irritant for a bi-identified person (or at least, if said person is anything like me) is the pseudo-bisexual. I have no problem with girls who kiss their friends for a laugh. I don’t even have a problem with those who do it for the attention. But please, oh please, don’t call yourself bisexual…

All things considered I guess my biggest wish is just that sooner or later – hopefully sooner – bisexuality will be seen as every bit as valid and complete a sexuality as homosexuality and heterosexuality are. I’m bisexual. I always will be, regardless of the gender of the person I am in a relationship with. I am not a slut, a liar or attention seeking. Nor am I confused.

I am me, and I fall for who I fall for – just like you.