The Apologetic Orgasm

Posted by AdrianacloseAuthor: Adriana Name:
Email: adriana@ofsexandlove.com
Site: http://ofsexandlove.com
About: Adriana is a young married woman and, most of the time, she enjoys it that way. What time she isn’t spending doting on her cats or bugging her husband, is spent doting on her countless blogs (where she tends to be a little too picky and a little too blunt) and lusting over sex toys. She enjoys reading, Sci-fi television and webcomics as well; it wouldn’t be entirely inappropriate to call her a geek. Website: http://ofsexandlove.comSee Authors Posts (17)

A few months ago my husband returned from deployment and, as expected, we hopped into bed pretty fast and quite frequently. As one might expect, the first few times were over incredibly quickly but we didn’t mind; we were quick to try again. As real life is known to do, it put a little kink in our style (bad kink, not the good kind mind you) and since then the frequency has slowed a bit (okay, a lot) and we expected to bid a not-so-fond farewells to sessions in the sack that have ended a little earlier than desired as well. Yet, things have remained pretty quick – for better or worse.

At first, we simply blamed the lack of sex. Deployment will do that to you. We expected sex to be short and were happy to just be having it, to be able to touch one another. He would shrug it off with a laugh and apologize. As time went on and our frequency decreases, he was quick to blame another culprit. According to him, we weren’t having sex enough. Still, it’s been a few months now and things haven’t really changed. Sex still frequently ends with an apology. I think he has finally come to accepting that, for whatever reason, sex has been and will probably remain that way for some time. It seems like this bothers him much more than it does me; after all, he is the one looking to place blame for what he perceives as a problem. I have come to accept that quickies may be the norm for us and, even so, it’s not problematic. There’s no apology necessary.

Much of the time, our sexual routine starts with him performing oral which he is only too happy and eager to do. I don’t mind letting him revel in a favoured activity either. Usually, this brings me to orgasm at least once, often multiple times. I’m also fairly forward with my desires and will finish myself off a few more times during intercourse. Most days, he has no idea how many times I have achieved orgasm and sometimes I give up on counting myself. I don’t think I’ve ever reached the double digits but I probably could, if I wanted to (I don’t). In what he perceives as a time span that is far too short to be “acceptable,” I can orgasm 5 or 6 times. That doesn’t scream “fail” to me.

I think he makes it more difficult because he does focus on time. I never once look at the clock. It’s on his side of the bed anyway but I don’t see the need to time our sexcapades, either. Add to this that I seem to lose track of time during sex, it’s no surprise that I think our bedroom romps are longer than they usually are. I wish he’d just accept that as it is, turn away from the clock and hold back his damn apologies. I thought was supposed to end with a smoke (okay, neither of us do but still..), not a “Fuck, I’m sorry.” Because I’m not. I’m glad that we’re both getting off and even if it’s one of those days that I didn’t, I am glad that he did. I am glad he still wants me and wants sex with me. I’m glad I can still do it for him. I am grateful for a million different reasons and, quite often, it never crosses my mind that sex “should” have lasted longer.
Which isn’t to say that I haven’t been looking for ways to please the both of us. I’m open to the idea for no other reason than to put an end to “I’m sorry” but it also gives me more products to try as a sex toy reviewer. Cock rings have made a comeback in our sex life, even though we have yet to find one that actually works, is comfortable and otherwise pleases the both of us. I’ve suggested a couple techniques for him to become multiply orgasmic as well. Most recently, we found a pleasure gel which helps to prolong his orgasm without numbing him or me or causing any negative side effects. I think it’s a keeper but even without it, I’m just glad to have sex with my husband at all.
And if he keeps apologizing? You better bet he’ll be sorry for it.