That man of mine has an incredible knack for getting himself involved in pissing matches with silly people who get all up in arms about things that really just don’t matter. The type of folks who will twist your words to fit their agenda whichever way works out best for them. This week, though, really takes the cake. Let me just cut right to the chase.

Sunday night, that kinky social networking site we’ve all come to know and love (mostly) went down. Whoever’s behind FetLife’s Twitter account (I’ll happily admit that I have long since forgotten) tweeted “Whoops… FetLife just went down like a drunk hooker.”

And as you can imagine, the scathing hordes of “rape culture” warriors descended upon the harmless humor all full of fire and brimstone. Prostitutes, it seems, are “off limits” when it comes to jokes. (As well as LGBT people and minorities. Never mind the fact that most of the prostitutes, LGBT people and minorities I know crack jokes about themselves.)

One of the nicer tweets that made the rounds: Dear FetLife: Please don’t make nasty hooker jokes. A lot of the people who support your site are sex workers. xoxo, Me #FetLife

But FetLife didn’t say anything about anyone being nasty. And since when is going down nasty anyway? So much for sex positiveness, I guess.

Even Jiz Lee got involved, demanding FetLife offer free ad space to sex worker advocacy groups.

A few others chimed in, all, “Yeah, FetLife should totally do that!” Because, you know, FetLife doesn’t already support a great many sex-related advocacy groups like the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. FetLife politely responded that organizations who would like FetLife’s support need only contact them. And good for them. It was a flipping joke.

In any case, FetLife, being the magnanimous organization that they are, apologized for offending people. They used the classic “quell the storm” response we’ve seen from so many well-known people and organizations who’ve eaten their own shoe leather over jokes that really shouldn’t be stirring up so much shit, “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you.” But of course, the rape culture warriors are too smart for this type of patronizing apology.

“I’d be fine with @Fetlife making stupid comments. We all do. But not knowing how to apologize is a problem.” said LiteratePervert.

Someone questioned FetLife’s reading comprehension skills. “It appears @Fetlife only apologized because we called them out on twitter but they still don’t understand why.”

Someone else said, “Excusing it as ‘just a joke’ undermines any intention you had of apologizing. Do you even understand why people were offended?”

FetLife fought back suggesting they’d followed the rules of engagement, and the naysayers flat out said FL’s apology meant nothing because they didn’t understand why the joke was offensive.

Hell, I don’t know why the joke was offensive. And neither did M. So he bounded into the fray, guns blazing, set to defend a website he really cannot stand on a good day because he felt they were being wronged.

To FetLife’s apology, M responded, “Don’t apologize, it was a joke. People need to stop looking for reasons to get pissed off, just for the sake of being pissed off.” And just like that, he became part of the problem.

Oral sex jokes about sex workers were likened to homosexual and racial slurs. Jokes made about appearance and social skills at the expense of non-sex workers, LGBTs or minorities were brushed aside as inconsequential. The people railing against perceived discrimination against a marginalized group of people they think no one cares about did the very same thing to another group of people who, while not in quite so dangerous a profession, still suffer quite a bit of bullshit belittling. But that’s okay because serial killers aren’t targeting them.

Wait, what? It is okay to bully and belittle someone so long as someone isn’t trying to kill them?

M and the rest of FetLife’s supporters were made to look like they just don’t care about sex workers. The attack went on and on and on until the supporters stopped responding and FetLife gave a “real apology”. Which is often the case. Heaven forbid anyone listen to reason and, you know, not be the very thing they claim they’re fighting against.

For the record, there is not a single person, race, religion, gender, sexual identity or creed who hasn’t been targeted by some other person, race, religion, gender, sexual identity or creed for some form of discrimination or another. Everyone has their detractors. It’s part of life.

However! None of FetLife’s supporters (or even FetLife itself) were trying to discredit the fact that many sex workers are in the field because they have no choice. Their situation was created by some outside force and for whatever reason they have no way out. They are oppressed. Forced into something they do not want to be doing. No one suggested anything to the contrary.

Here’s the thing, though. I’ve met more prostitutes and strippers and porn stars and blah who are in their biz for the money than I have people forced into the life. It’s more fun to pay for college by dancing in your underwear. What better way to be considered sexy and famous than being an adult performer and being good at what you do?

Does that make the plight of the sex workers who were forced into it any less dire? No. And no one’s saying it does. But dude, hookers go down. Non-hookers go down. Men go down. Women go down. Transgender people go down. Oral sex is just as natural and sexy and enjoyable and loving as vaginal or anal. It’s not demeaning. It’s not discriminatory to say someone goes down.

I could see getting all up in arms if FetLife tweeted, “Whoops… FetLife just went down like a drunk hooker getting pimp slapped.” But they didn’t! They didn’t say all hookers were drunk, or all hookers went down. They didn’t say hookers are sluts for going down (though I thought we were taking “slut” back?), or that they’re only slutty when they’re drunk, or even that there’s a problem with being a slut.

It was a joke. It was funny. It did not warrant the days long Twitter war, or demands for repentance and some boon in support of sex workers.

So M, after describing the situation, says to a coworker, “I don’t get it. What’re they so offended by? Is it the going down? Or the being drunk?”

His coworker responded, “Maybe it’s the implication that they drink on the job.”

And I dissolved into a fit of giggles.

You’re right, rape culture warriors. We don’t get what’s so offensive about suggesting someone does their job. And we’re really not sure how saying a hooker goes down is “compounding the stigma”. But thanks for playing anyhow.

What do you guys think?