Equality

Posted by ajlqcloseAuthor: ajlq Name:
Email: angeliquecsanders@gmail.com
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About: I'm a former stripper as well as a former news reporter and I think the two careers are fairly representative of who I am: I love to dig into human behavior, the 'what we do' and the 'why we do it'...and certainly nothing's more fascinating than human sexuality. Why aren't animals embarrassed by sex but we are? Why are our relationships so complicated? Have we made things unnecessarily difficult for ourselves or are we sophisticated and evolved enough to want more than to just rut for the sake of orgasms and reproduction?See Authors Posts (1)

I used to work at a minority newspaper and one of the things that some people pushed for was ‘advantages’, like special scholarships set up exclusively for the minority. Now, like any white person or any member of a group that’s commonly the oppressor rather than the oppressed, I carry around a certain amount of guilt associated with having inadvertently been born white. (I didn’t mean to but then there you go, it’s fairly likely when you have two white parents.) But these advantages always struck me as an odd way to fight for equality, like by fighting for inequality in your favor, you can fix the original inequality thrust upon you. Did you know there are African-American colleges? Is that not segregation? Mind you, if I’d been shoved around by other colors my whole life, I’d probably be relieved to find a place that excluded them, but again, is setting YOURSELF apart as being different a good fix for this issue? Pushing for years to be incorporated into the same schools, fighting the ridiculous notion of ‘separate but equal’, and then setting up your own schools in which to segregate yourself seems like a poor solution. I’m not sure why ANY segregation is legal. It seems like the most beneficial laws would allow all humans to be treated in the same way, not ‘this is how we treat whites and these are the laws for other races’…race has no place in the law books, in my opinion.

On the plus side, something is working. Racism and segregation is definitely trending out, so what is it that’s working? My opinion is that it’s not largely attributable to any one act so much as the fight itself…like marketing. Positive behavior can be reinforced and negative behavior can be punished and people will eventually amend their behavior. We used to believe that cigarettes were GOOD for you–people smoked everywhere, even in hospitals, and doctors actually prescribed cigarettes to supposedly fix a number of maladies. (Did no one think the constant coughing sounding potentially unhealthy? What part of inhaling burnt things seemed potentially helpful to the lungs?) Anyway, through many many efforts which essentially amount to reverse marketing, or marketing that something should be rejected, smoking is now largely eschewed and finding a place to be allowed to do it is quite a trick. Some places have laws that state one cannot smoke within 50 or more feet from the entrance of a building (or within your own car) so even the out of doors is starting to disappear as a valid place to smoke.

But my point isn’t about minorities or smokers: it’s about us women, and the power we wield as more than half the population. We’re guilty of a number of the same social crimes. Back when most women aspired to be housewives and were not extremely welcome to join the workforce except in minor low paying roles considered appropriate only for females, it was incumbent upon the men to pay for everything. That’s fair because if dating had to wait for us to be able to afford our share, there’d be a significant decrease in population the next generation. Along with what we now largely think of as caveman thinking, men were expected to take charge of most everything and might even order for a woman at a restaurant. When two people married she became Mrs. Dick Richard, rather than Mrs. Jane Richard, as if even her name was irrelevant and she was swallowed up by the man. (Pause to picture sexy connotation of that phrase. No no, off topic.) I know we all know this but it bears reminding that there was a time we couldn’t even vote because we were considered not only fragile but not very well informed; we were practically relegated to the status of a decorative household object (well okay, the elevated status of a household object that puts out). And women often embraced this thinking themselves, that they were simply an extension of their man and existed to do his bidding. “Behind every great man is a great woman.” It sounds pretty at first but then you realize it simply means that the woman supports the man, but ultimately he’s in front.

Obviously we’ve had a large level of success in trying to overcome these stigmas and inequalities and most would probably agree that the battle’s nearly won. But in some ways, we still oppress ourselves. If we think of ourselves as inferior, set aside ourselves as different, we can’t expect men to treat us as equals. (Now most of you women out there are probably smiling the smile of a superior being, thinking that of course you don’t do anything of the kind. Frankly I think that most of the beasts that I allow to touch my fun bits are a damned lucky lot.)

The last time you went on a date, who paid? Did you expect him to ask you, to call you, to drive you, to open doors, to pay, and your job was just to show up and look good? If so, you’re relegating yourself back to ‘decorative household object’ and you’ve just given up the right to be mad if he thinks of you as such too, because that’s how you’re projecting yourself; you’re defining it as acceptable. It would be nice if everyone could get together and review social codes every decade or so, to decide what’s outmoded (and thankfully I think the internet will help with that), but it’s time for us as women to decide that putting the man in charge of everything date-wise is outmoded. And it’s up to us. This is a tight rope for the man because if he runs around saying women should pay for half, he risks not getting a lot of dates. But we as women can step forward and pick up the check sometimes…admittedly, figuring out half of everything and getting out your nickels and pennies is a little petty, so just pick up the check sometimes and he can pick it up sometimes. If you go out with friends, you manage to pay for your share, so show the same respect on a date.

Baby steps, I know, but think about the fact that men are even supposed to buy the wedding rings. If men and women are truly equal (and it isn’t something we just say when we secretly mean ‘except for things we don’t want to do’), then men should buy their ring and women should buy theirs. It’s a nice gesture to buy each other’s but then you’re going to have to resign yourself to wearing a ring you probably won’t like as much as one you’d picked out yourself. And besides, how many men want a ring with a huge diamond in it? If you want a huge diamond, buy yourself a huge diamond.

Consider what else might be unfair in your favor and do your best to make it fair. When you start looking for inequalities, you’ll find a lot…we even expect to find the toilet seat down, the way we like it. Valentine’s Day was intended for lovers to show each other how much they meant to each other, but instead became a holiday of expectations for women: expecting men to buy them things, show them romance, with very little thought to what they should do for the men. I’ve known many many women to share woe stories the next day as to how their man shortchanged them in contrast to what they felt was their due on this holiday. (What did YOU do for HIM to show that you love him? Show up? Throw him a BJ at the end of the evening if it went your way?) Even the wedding day, the very symbol of the love shared by two people, is somehow almost entirely about enacting the woman’s wishes. I receive endless spam about increasing my penis size, lasting longer in bed, being ready for it at the drop of a hat, and giving her many orgasms. What I DON’T receive are emails about how to make my pussy tighter, make me hornier for him, or please him in bed. Again, we feel that if we show up, then he’s happy. (Men are used to very little…thankfully they usually ARE happy when we just show up and are willing. But that doesn’t ‘t mean we should take advantage of this by only performing the minimum expected of us.)

So make an effort for all of womankind as well as all mankind, because we can’t expect ourselves to be treated as equals until we treat ourselves as equals. Dating, romance, love…it’s not a one-way street. As women, let’s try to remember what men have done for us over the years that we may not have reciprocated. Next Valentine’s Day, wake him up with breakfast and a blowjob! Tell him you’ve arranged to set aside the following Sunday for his friends to come over and watch football or play poker and you’re going to leave the house for a few hours and let him enjoy himself! You know your man and what he’d like the most–men are generally simple beasts to please, if you try at all!–so think about what he’d like and pay it back, for all of womankind…here’s one for equality or as close as we can manage!