Love. Does it exist in master and slave relationships like ours? Should it? How does it manifest? And what happens if it goes away? These are all questions submissives interested in being owned ask on a constant basis.
How can our owners love us and treat us as brutally as some of them do? Do we deserve love in the station we’ve chosen? Will it hinder or help our ability to submit completely to our owner’s will?
And the answers to all those questions are all over the place. From relationship to relationship, dominant to dominant, submissive to submissive, the answers are different. And we all have our own reasons.
Some people believe that love has no place in a master/slave (or owner/property, as the case may be) relationship. Or, at least, that a master should never let himself fall in love with his slave. They’re usually pretty adamant about the theory that loving a slave makes it impossible to be objective in his or her training, discipline and punishment.
And as hokie as that sounds, in some cases they’re right. Especially in the beginning, when everyone involved is new to this, and no one’s really sure, yet, which direction they want to go.
I offer up as evidence the beginning of our relationship.
When M agreed to collar me, I was twenty-two and just out of a six years long, on again/off again, mutually abusive (meaning that, in the end, I was just as abusive to him as he was to me) relationship with my high school sweetheart. He and I were poison to each other. And because of the sheer insanity in our relationship, I had lost the ability to trust myself and my judgment when it came to choosing a partner. And even though I really, really wanted to be with M, and be owned by him, I was petrified of putting my faith in someone again.
And without me even telling him that, M knew.
We had already admitted we were in love with each other when I mentioned my interest in being owned. To be honest, though things are different today, at that point in time, I wouldn’t have even considered giving myself so completely to someone I didn’t love. And if they didn’t love me back? Yeah… right. That sounds like a good idea. Tons of fun, even.
I even made one of my limits being cherished. No lie.
We discussed the subject of love in master/slave relationships, and whether or not we felt it important, and I just couldn’t fathom serving someone the ways that I serve M without loving them. Giving myself over to someone the way I’m steadily working on giving myself to M seemed too personal, too intimate, to do without love.
But we ran into a problem. His love for me, compounded by my lack of trust, made it impossible for him to train me the way we both feel a slave should be trained. Why?
M was scared of losing me. He was afraid that if he pushed too hard, our love wouldn’t be enough to keep me with him. And, out of force of habit, I did my best to manipulate the situation to keep him afraid. I forced him to walk on eggshells to keep me. I used his love for me against him to get my own way.
Real slave-like, huh?
So, in the interest of keeping me, he’d let things slide. I’d be a total bitch, or break rules, or ignore orders. When he called me on it, I’d have a million reasons why it wasn’t my fault. Why he shouldn’t punish me for it. And when he pushed, I’d wield my love for him like a sword. I was one manipulative bitch. And M made it easy for me by loving me.
After a while, M completely backed off. I’d made it impossible for him to feel comfortable controlling me. And we were both miserable.
But did we stop loving each other? Not a chance. We just adjusted the way we dealt with that love.
I had to make a conscious effort to remember that he was training and punishing me because he loved me. Because I had asked for this life. And because we both agreed that this was the way we wanted to live.
And he had to make a conscious effort to stop letting his love for me affect his ownership of me.
Other couples, however, choose to bypass this possible confusion and chaos by avoiding love altogether. They find it easier to just be if neither one gets emotionally involved. And if it works for them, that’s awesome.
With someone else, it would absolutely work for me. I’m in a place, now, that submitting comes naturally to me and being owned is the only thing I want for myself. So if, god forbid, something were to happen to M, I would probably seek out one of these loveless owner/property relationships. But with M? I would be devastated if he stopped loving me. Cause I know I’ll never stop loving him.
Does love exist in master and slave relationships? Sometimes. Should it? If the couple feels it should. And it manifests in as many different ways as it manifests in vanilla relationships.
What happens if it goes away depends on the couple. Some choose to stay feeling that the owner/property relationship comes first, and they are still owned regardless of the lost love.
Some dominants have to reconcile their brutality with their love by keeping in mind the fact that we asked for this life. We want to be owned and brutalized. Others, like M, don’t really see a contradiction. I mean, I begged for this life. I beg to be hurt on a regular basis. And he’s a sadist who loves me. So why shouldn’t he give me what I want?
Do slaves deserve love? I’m of the mind that everyone deserves love. If they choose not to partake, that’s their business. But I can’t imagine my life without some love, and I’m really grateful that the man who owns me loves me.
Will it hinder or help our ability to submit completely to our owner’s will? Well, that depends on us. It depends on whether or not we’re capable of keeping that love in mind when they’re being so “mean”, for lack of a better word, that it seems like they actually hate us. And it depends on whether or not we’re willing to let go of the ability being loved gives us to control or manipulate the situation.
It’s a delicate balance. One some can never achieve. One we’re still trying to maintain. But just like everything else, it depends entirely on each couple’s individual choices for themselves. Not some written-in-stone rules for master/slave relationships.
[...] Part I: The Basics Ask The Negress: Privacy & Perversion. Boundaries… Do Slaves Deserve Love? Gyne-Vestiphobia: Fear of Women’s Clothing Let There Be Love On My Experience With Sex Toys [...]
[...] Part I: The Basics Ask The Negress: Privacy & Perversion. Boundaries… Do Slaves Deserve Love? Gyne-Vestiphobia: Fear of Women’s Clothing Let There Be Love On My Experience With Sex Toys [...]
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