Eden Cafe

There have been several posts lately on the topic of rape. Most of the articles aim at getting the issue of rape out into the open as a way of educating the public. I have read more and more about how boys need to realize what they are doing and be taught that rape is wrong.
Personally, I find this somewhat ridiculous. Not rape, as I have very strong feelings against such an act, but the idea that you can “teach” such things.
By the time that boy is old enough to know how to use his penis, he normally either has a set of morals that prevent him from doing such things or his morals are so loose or ungrounded that he has no barriers preventing him from getting what he wants. Rape happens as a means to an end; because of a need, real or imagined. It happens because the rapists perspective is unburdened by morals contrasting to his actions, skewed by some false idea that she is getting what she wants(or deserves), or warped by drugs.
Some men get off on it. They want to hurt you. Whether it’s from misogyny, some deep-seated trauma from their mother, an ex-wife or girlfriend, whatever they are imagining. Hell, some men don’t imagine anything. They relish the feel of power they force on you. This is really the most extreme case, but it happens.
Some men are selfish and want what they want when they want, regardless. They don’t give a damn about you or how you feel. They may sweet talk you, guilt trip you, intoxicate you, or drug you. You don’t have to be conscious. It’s all the same to them. These men I find somehow worse than the above. They don’t consider what they do rape, or themselves committing any crime. By having a skewed sense of right and wrong and putting you in a state of mind where your judgment can be questioned, they free themselves of any guilt.
One of the most significant posts I’ve read refers to every man as a potential rapist. I refer to this post as the most significant because I find it the most relevant and useful idea on the topic of rape. It’s not about what women do that gets them raped. In fact, it is ultimately irrelevant. It doesn’t matter what you look like, what you are wearing, what color you are, if you are thin, if you are fat… It does not matter. Just as there are men who will find you attractive no matter what you look like, what you are wearing, there are men who will rape you.
Women get sexually harassed, pressured and raped in environments that should be considered safe. This happens at home, at work, at school. Implying that they are somehow to blame this behavior in any way is ridiculous.
For the men who get offended by the “every man is a potential rapist” concept, let’s rephrase it in a way in which you can relate. Most men can’t empathize with the idea, horror, and trauma caused by being raped, because it happens less frequently to our sex. Let us look at it this way.
You own a nice car. Imagine your dream car. Jaguar. Porsche. BMW. Whatever. Loaded. Leather interior with custom rims. It was left to you by your uncle who died in a tragic bathroom incident. I hear it was tragic. Dying it a bathroom would have to be, right?
Anyway. You have your dream car. Are you going to lock your doors just in bad neighborhoods? I bet you lock the door in your own damn yard. Then you start thinking that’s not enough. You want to protect something that is so valuable to you, so you invest in a security system. Now if someone you don’t want approaches your vehicle, a siren sounds and a voice says “Step away from my god damn car!” All this to protect a car, but we aren’t actually talking about a car. We’re talking about your sister or your daughter, or any other woman. It doesn’t matter about the circumstances involved. Rape is rape is rape and no always means no.
The idea that boys can be taught not to rape is flawed. I agree that if you are going to influence such behavior you must start at a young age. Morals are built young and rarely change after they are formed. It’s been my experience that such concepts are built not after words or lessons taught, but by example. By showing my sons how I care for my wife, my mother, their sister and how much respect I give them, I help to ingrain that sense of value. As any parent knows, the best laid plans often go awry. I can only give them the best example and advice I can… what they do with it is ultimately up to them.
The sad truth is that as long as there are men and women, there will be rape.