I’ve known I was bisexual since I was 12. I had started to find girls in my magazines pretty in different ways than other girls I knew did. I had my first “girl crush”. I didn’t think I was a lesbian, and I was nervous what everyone would think about it, so I kept quiet for years. I learned that you could like boys AND girls and still be normal when I was 14, and I also kissed one of my female friends on a dare. I loved it, and shortly after confided in some of my friends I was bisexual, and one of them said she was too. I finally felt like I understood my feelings about my sexuality.
Fast forward to high school, a lot of girls I knew said they were lesbians or bi and kissed each other, and it seemed like it was a trend. I kept my bisexuality hidden except for my friends, and I had a couple of boyfriends. When I saw those girls a couple years later, almost all of them were straight. Funny how that happened.
Late high school, I had a couple casual sexual encounters with my friends, but nobody had that emotional connection I wanted. After high school, I dated a few girls, but nothing ever grew into anything serious. I started pursuing girls more than guys and wondered if I would be considered a lesbian. I quickly nixed that after a lot of heartbreaks with girls.
While trying to meet girls, in the past and now, (my boyfriend is open to letting me be with girls, sexually or dating) I found out there are a few little problems. Many of the lesbian and bisexual women that I have met will NOT date a girl that has a kid. I know many men won’t either, so I’ve been used to that. But with many of the women I pursued, their biggest problem wasn’t the idea of me having a child, it was that they assumed since I had a child there was no way I could actually like girls and be emotionally involved with them. I’ve been told that multiple times, and to this day, I’m told I’m not really bisexual because I have a kid.
I call bullshit.
I can be attracted to, and want to be with whomever I want, regardless of anything else. Females can’t assume that just because I’ve been with men doesn’t mean I can’t be just as, if not more, emotionally invested in a girl-girl relationship.
There’s a second factor with me that girls don’t like, and I am pretty understanding about this one. I know a few bi girls that say they’re up for casual sex, but since I have a boyfriend they won’t be with me. I think it’s completely understandable if someone doesn’t want to date or be with someone if they’re in a relationship. I can’t say anything about that. But, when certain girls find out I’m bisexual, they seem to disagree with me that I’m bi since I am in a LTR with a man. I know lots of other girls that are bisexual but with a man. That’s like saying, if you’re bi and with a female that you don’t really like men so you’re a lesbian!
Maybe I just know too many judgmental people, because online it doesn’t seem like people will say you’re wrong about your sexuality, and there seems to be a lot more girls in a similar situation as me than I thought.
chloe cordell
I’m soulsexual. I fall in love with souls – sometimes they are in the form of straight men, gay men, straight women, bisexual women. It is the person that I am attracted to. I have dated men all of my life, had a few encounters with women, married, had a child, divorced, & now I have a long term non-monogamous male friend and a female (they know of each other, but do not know each other yet). It’s the best of both worlds. I would love to find my male soulmate & spend the rest of my life with him, but that hasn’t happened. So I am open to whatever comes my way though it would be easier if it’s a man b/c I am not openly bisexual – just a few close friends. Even my lesbian friends would be shocked to know. Keep being who you are. No need to label it. My label would have to be on a dry-erase board b/c I keep changing & surprising myself. peace
Chelsea
i wrote on this recently at my own blog: http://nashifeet.blogspot.com/2011/04/on-space-and-queer-identity.html
on what it’s like to be a woman in a relationship with a man that i’ll likely marry, i have a child from a previous relationship, and i’m queer. and, i’ve never been with a woman, or anyone other than a man, for that matter. am i less queer? is there space for me here?
i was really excited to see this shared on eden cafe’s fb page. thanks for writing it.
DeadIzzy
Off topic a bit. Can anyone tell me what the picture chosen for this post is? It kind of looks like a push light you can molest. Just looks add to me.
As far as the people you have dated that say because you have a kid you can’t possibly be bi. It sounds to me like life has made them kind of stupid. May you should start an arguement with them adn that if they put clothes on a dog then it’s human instead of dog.
But as to why a person would be made stupid that way by life. I would best guess that they have dated various people making the claim they were bi that then decided to be straight when they had kids. Much like you’re school friends who were gay or bi and then decided to be straight a couple years later.
I’m sure the convo would go something like “That was an experimental phase in my life and I did some soul searching and decided it wasn’t for me.” There is something to be said about being young and confused. Lots of people use that time to figure out what life is about Maybe they really figured out they were one or the other or maybe they decided to bury a feeling to look “normal”. Only they know the answer to that one.
ashaxmarie
i can relate to this SO much. i don’t have a child but i have been in a long term relationship with a man for several years, so even though i love women, i get the “not quite gay enough” response often when i identify myself as queer. i’m really glad to see this open discussion of bi/panphobia on ef