So it’s sort of a triple whammy this week.  Manners.  Respect.  Courtesy.  All of which sort of tie in together and produce polite people who treat each other in the manner they wish to be treated.

What?  You don’t see that very often?

Me either.

So let’s take a minute to define all three words, hmm?

Manners:  Manners are sort of what society considers the norm for proper behavior.  They can’t really be enforced, aren’t rules or laws, but anyone who is considered unmannerly will likely be frowned upon by his or her peers.  The socially correct way of acting, tied in to etiquette.  Emily Post says: “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.”

Respect:  Respect is often thought to mean holding one in high regard or esteem.  To honor someone.  But the dictionary also tells us that respect is to show consideration for, to feel appreciation for.  It’s synonymous with regard, esteem and admiration.  You’ll often see arguments as to whether respect is deserved by all or needs to be earned.  Laurence Sterne, 18th century novelist and clergyman,  says: “Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners.”

Courtesy: To be courteous is to be mannerly, respectful and considerate of others.  Common courtesy can be defined as a gesture of good will without the expectation of something in return – like holding the door open for the woman with six bags of groceries in her hands or not interrupting someone when they’re speaking or, as Urban Dictionary puts it, to not be a douchebag.

All of these terms are tied in to one another, almost to the point where it’s hard to distinguish the meaning of one from the meaning of the others, especially in every day life.  The person who lets the door slam in the face of the woman holding six sacks of groceries is called disrespectful, discourteous, unmannerly and a douchebag.

So why am I talking about these words this week?

Mostly because they’ve been smacking me around, rattling inside my head and forcing me to think about them a lot lately.

Last week, at the April Flores shows, I did a lot of mingling but I also did a lot of standing back and watching; watching to see that people were okay, that they didn’t need anything or, if they did, trying to get it for them.  Watching of guests, artists and the stars of the show, April and Carlos.

In all that watching, manners, respect and courtesy were very highlighted when they were present as well as when they were not.

April and Carlos?  Amazing.  Both were respectful and attentive to anyone who wished to speak with them.  They were friendly and accessible, neither acting at all like you sometimes expect “stars” to act.  I was highly impressed with both of them.

Others?  Not so much, though I won’t name names.

Then when we got home, in all the catch up buzy-ness, I did a lot of watching of things online and very little participating.  And it struck me that the not so much was incredibly prevalent around the sex community online.

Is it the sense of competitiveness that has folks behaving badly in what should be a supportive community?  Perhaps.  It does often seem like people believe that to be the snarkiest of them all is the main goal.  As if people are trying too hard to be “a name” in this game, often at the expense of others, often by disregarding manners, courtesy and respect in favor of douchebaggery.

It seems like stuckupedness (is that a word?  did I punctuate it properly?  should I have added dashes?  hmmm….) is the rule and kindness the exception.

And it rather bothers me.  Possibly because I know I’ve been guilty in the past.  Who hasn’t?

And maybe the dreamer in me wishes we’d all take a step back and look at ourselves and try a little harder to be kind, to be nice, to be polite and respectful and courteous.  To see all the douchebaggery and asshattery and think a minute before we join in.

Do we really need to trash manufacturers on Twitter?  Or talk about what this or that sex toy retailer is or isn’t giving us this week in a negative way?  Are snide comments really that entertaining?  Can we not take a single minute out of our day to congratulate someone who has done well or been given some recognition instead of ignoring them?  Must we behave badly?  Does it really get us anywhere?   Are you really, truly surprised when you get that sort of behavior back from others when it’s the way you consistently present yourself?

I think manners, respect and courtesy are lacking all the world over.  It’s not just in our little community.  But, these days, I live and breathe this community.  It’s my job.  My hobby.  The place I am most often.  And so I notice it most here.

And it makes me sad.

I don’t want to be that guy, that asshat, that douchbag.

I want to be attentive and friendly, courteous and respectful.  I want to treat others the way I want to be treated.  I want to argue and discuss passionately, give my opinion with honesty.  But, man, I do not want to be the one folks are whispering about behind their hands.  I do not want to be the one they’re talking about when they whisper “whoa, what a cunt”.

Do you?

I didn’t think so.  None of us do, really.

So let’s put on our mannerly shirts and display a little courtesy and respect, hmm?  Me.  You.  All of us.  To each other.  To the retailers.  To the manufacturers.  To the employees and bloggers and reviewers and shoppers.

Let’s show a little love.  Or at the very least, stop hating.

Doesn’t that sound nice?