The other day, while wandering around on the Eden Fantasys forum, I came across a thread on BDSM. And I was kind of surprised – and disappointed – to see how many people still associate BDSM more with pain and punishment than bondage and sensuality.

Part of this, I’m sure, is due to the way the media approaches all things “abnormal”. I mean, how are people supposed to view BDSM when the vast majority of the television shows that are ballsy enough to discuss it at all have a tendency to portray its participants as dangerous, uncaring and insane?

Except CSI. CSI does a good job of making us BDSMers look like your average Joe just looking to get a nut. A very kinky nut, but just a nut, nonetheless.

So I thought to myself, “Self… How ’bout defining BDSM for these kind folks who’ve been fed so much garbage?” And Self answered back, “That’s a kick-ass idea!”

So what is BDSM?

When dictionary.com produced nothing, I turned to the handy, dandy Urban Dictionary. And there I found a compilation of definitions that mostly all say the same thing. But the most popular one is my favorite. It goes a little something like this:

BDSM:

An overlapping abbrevation of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM).

And, of course, you’ve got your usual BDSM naysayer throwing in their opinion:

Bloody Disgusting Sexual Manners

And the lame attempts at being funny:

bald dick scratchy man-parts a man with a bald dick often has scratchy man-parts so dont shave your down below

Big Dark Strange Man

A tall man, usually in a poorly lit situation, behaving in a strange manor towards other members of society

But I’m left nonplussed. None of that really says anything. I mean, my fellow kinksters, pretend you don’t already know what BDSM is. Wouldn’t you be blinking at me like I’d just told you God uses Rush Limbaugh as his Earthly body? I certainly would.

So what is BDSM?

BDSM is a wild array of things. It’s a feather dragged along your lover’s spine while he’s tied to the bed with silk scarves. It’s stuffing your girlfriend’s panties in her mouth to muffle her lust-filled cries. It’s wrapping a necktie around your partner’s eyes and teasing them into a frenzy. It’s the warm, sensual thud of a couple dozen flogger tails dancing across your back. It’s the stinging slap of an open hand on the round, plump curve of a supple ass.

There’s sensation play (feathers, furs, silks) and impact play (whips, paddles) and forced orgasms and teasing. Bondage play (ropes, chains, restraints) and humiliation play and discipline play. Play punishment and age play and pet play and role play and… Good lord, the list is endless.

There’s no “right or wrong”. There’s only what feels good and what doesn’t. And control, or the lack thereof, doesn’t even have to play a factor if you’re too chicken shit to let your lover drive for a time.

What is BDSM? A whole lot of fun and even more erotic enjoyment. Hurry out to your local dungeon and give it a try today! Or don’t. But you’re missing out!