I searched around, and the main definitions of “Voyeurism” that I could find either had to do with the practice of spying on others during sex, the act of observing others during intimate encounters/acts and achieving sexual gratification from it, or someone that often looks for stimulation by visual means. Voyeurism doesn’t only cover watching people have sex, but also includes watching people undress, or engage in a private activity. Voyeurism is mainly considered to be spying, or when someone watches an individual or couple without their knowledge. Only a few countries consider non-consensual Voyeurism to be a crime.

I’ll admit that I’m a bit of a people watcher. When I sit and wait in a public area, I will sometimes watch people walk by or interact. I try to read them and their actions at times. When I sit in the passenger seat of a car, sometimes I watch the people in the cars that pass me. That’s just the simple and innocent part of it. The part that is weird for me is that sometimes, from time to time, I do enjoy the visual stimulation of seeing other people engage in sexual encounters. I have never once spied on anyone, and I don’t ever plan on doing so. The most I have ever done is looked at pictures or watched videos, from time to time, by myself or with my partner. I would never watch someone without their consent, and if it was ever given – I am not sure I would even take the chance to do so. Sure, I have the fantasy of enjoying sex with my partner in the same room that others are doing the same. I don’t feel like I need that fantasy to become a reality, because I greatly value my privacy, and I value other’s privacy as well. I wanted to be sure to mention that, so you don’t assume that I am some weird pervert and start to worry that I will be peeking in your windows. That’s never going to happen.

Why did I choose to write about this? I did so because when I figured out that I had these tendencies, I felt that I was some completely strange pervert. Before I met my partner – when I would fantasize, it would usually be about two completely random people that my mind made up, or characters from something I watched or read. In high school, I began to read and enjoy erotica as well, and I still love to read and enjoy erotica. I always liked to be able to picture what was going on in my head, and now I enjoy it even more because it gives me ideas for things to try out with my partner. I really like erotic photography, because it looks so artful as well as erotic. I’m not really into porn, because it’s hard to find anything that really turns me on. I like something that seems erotic, and that the people in the video seem to have some kind of connection with one another. I don’t like seeing a bunch of fake people having what seem to be fake and empty sexual encounters. It bores me more than anything.

At the same time I feel like my tendencies make me feel dirty. I don’t know why, I don’t feel as if I am really doing anything really truly wrong – like spying on someone. I guess it’s because it’s not very accepted at times. It’s hard for me to embrace these tendencies and feel okay. I mean, I have gotten instructional videos and erotica books to watch and read with my partner, so the both of us can enjoy it together. Another reason is because when my partner and I first began dating, I did get upset with my partner over porn. It made me feel inadequate and stupid, like I couldn’t do it for him so he needed something else. It also made me feel awkward, because I really couldn’t get into a lot of it when we tried watching it together. Especially the really hardcore stuff, I really don’t get it, and I’m just not all that into it. Plus, the idea of my partner needing to watch another woman to get off didn’t really do much for my self-confidence. Though I was willing to open up a little and start looking for things that I felt comfortable to watch with my partner. That was when I realized that I was a little voyeuristic. I’ve always been more of an erotica person, so I am glad that he has opened up to reading the stories with me as well.

Now, I’m just a small mild case, and I know there are people with bigger tendencies than I have. I know that I am not the only one, because porn is so widely searched on the internet. I just wanted to write this, and get it out there, so I don’t feel so ashamed for enjoying what I do. And that I shouldn’t have to feel like a dirty pervert for it.