When I was very young, my paternal aunt broke the news to me that Santa wasn’t real. I think I was about 7. I didn’t want to believe her, of course – but why would she lie? Why would my parents lie? It was a big issue for me, one that I internalized and didn’t mention to anyone. I wanted to believe that the Santa magic was real, but Christmas was ruined for me for a very long time after that.
I didn’t think much about the Santa myth after that. I got older, and kept wishing that I could believe in Santa, but of course that bubble had burst. So I went along with the lie as my brother grew up (he’s years younger than me), and other younger relatives. I didn’t want to ruin THIER good times at Christmas.
Fast forward many years. I was pregnant, newly married, and a friend of mine posed the issue on Facebook discussing the whole Santa lie. He raised a few good points, and he made me think. The main argument he made was about trust and asked if we really wanted to start the trend of lying to our children. It made me think. What is the purpose of Santa? I mean, really – think about it! Why do we do it? Is it for them, or is it for us?
Why do we uphold the Santa myth? Have you ever asked yourself that? Is it to live vicariously through children’s enjoyment of the holiday? Maybe it’s to give those children the fun that you never had as a child. Or maybe you had so much fun with Santa as a kid, you want to pass that on to others. Whatever the reason, it’s a lie.
You can tell yourself whatever you want about why you’re lying to your kids. And maybe they won’t care – but the sensitive, intelligent kids will really question your integrity when they find out you lied. I remember when I found out about Santa – and I kept asking myself why my parents would lie to me like that. Sure, I wanted to believe in the story, but that didn’t really change anything. I still wanted to know the reason behind the falsehood. I never did find out the answer. I think my parents went along with it simply because that’s what parents DID. They have kids, they do Santa, and the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. All of those constructs based on lies. Will you continue the lies? I won’t.
So this year – the first year my daughter will really understand that it’s Christmas – we’re not doing Santa. And I told my parents that we won’t do Santa. I mean, why not claim the best gifts as being from us, anyway? So that’s what we’ll do. We won’t support the lie, but we will tell our daughter that some kids believe in Santa and not to ruin it for them. I don’t want to get the blame for the loss of childhood, but then again, why should I care? If a parent decides to lie to his child, why should I support that? I’m torn.
So I won’t tell kids that Santa doesn’t exist. I’ll tell my daughter that some kids believe in Santa, but I won’t tell my daughter a terrible lie for no reason. I won’t tell her that a jolly man in a red suit is going to come down our chimney and leave her presents. I won’t hold the threat of a gift of coal over her head if she doesn’t behave. And I certainly won’t tell her that a bunch of flying reindeer are going to be flying through the sky at a magical speed, visiting each house on Christmas eve. You do what you want, but I want my daughter to know that I will tell her the truth, always.
Melen
I don’t think I ever believed in Santa, and I still always enjoyed Christmas. I’m not sure why you’re so intent on labeling such a thing a “lie”, tho.
Santa is a lie in as much as the latest fiction novel is a lie. It’s just a story, not a lie someone made up for some malicious purpose.
Should we stop writing childrens books too? Should we skip reading Dr. Seuss books to children now, so we can avoid “lying” to them?
I don’t get it.
Sarahbear
I’m with Melen.
Sure, you don’t have to participate with Santa if you don’t want to, but I don’t understand the need to declare it’s a ‘terrible lie’ and imply that parents who do enjoy participating in Santa (or the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc) are doing something terrible to their children.
Santa, like the other mythical things, is just another story that helps some people enjoy Christmas a little bit more. There really isn’t anything wrong with that. It’s not much different than reading your children stories about unicorns or dragons. A lot of adults still enjoy stuff like that. When your kids are ready, if you’ve kept the lines of communication open with them, they’ll come to you and ask about Santa. You can tell them that it’s just another part of Christmas and that it’s okay to stop believing in the story (and not to ruin it for their little brothers and sisters).
I want my kids to know that I have an imagination and that they can have fun with me. Not that I kept them from enjoying a harmless Christmas story that all their friends get to enjoy over some melodramatic theory that my reputation would be tarnished forever if I ‘lied’ to them.
Alley
I must say Santa isn’t a “lie.” Not in our house. J is Santa…therefore Santa is real.
Santa gives the kids gifts, but not the best ones (that’s me and J); he gives them things they need. He was modeled after St Nicholas, which is a great story and a truthful one. He gives gifts in the spirit of giving. Basically we are teaching our kids that it is about giving.
If you want to get technicl, Christmas is a religious holiday that has NOTHING to do with gifts. Once you’re 18 in our family you get nothing. At. All. Why? Because that is not what the holiday is about. The only reason we do gifts is so our girls aren’t heartbroken about their friends getting them (we only do 3 gifts each total…no matter what). Plus we do church. You skip church…no gifts. If you’re not religious and in our family…nothing at all from me. Plus, I see no reason my kids should be the kids that tell all the others Santa isn’t real…they would have no friends…then I would be sad.
Bex
Technically the holiday is much older than the Christian celebration, but that’s okay. Personally, I like the Dutch way of doing things – they celebrate Sinterklaas, to honour a somewhat mythical Saint who hailed from Spain to give gifts to orphans, on December 5th, with parades and drinking and wild feasting. Then the Christian (or pagan) holiday is celebrated on the appropriate day (the 25th or the 20th/21st respectively) in the appropriate context of family and quiet feasts.
I definitely see a big difference between perpetuating a lie and telling kids a story. I distinctly remember my parents pointing up to red plane lights in the sky and saying “Look! It must be Rudolph!” The people on the news “track” Santa’s progress using their “special radar”. How is that not a lie?
Would you tell your kids that Sam I Am was going to sneak in to their room at night and leave them some green eggs and ham for breakfast? Say that Dora the Explorer and her friend Handy Manny would come over in the middle of the night to fix a broken toy? How do you explain poverty and charitable giving to a child who believes that everyone in the world will get a gift from a jolly fat man?
There is a difference between reading stories and pretending that the characters in the story are real, physical beings. You can explain to your children, as they age, the difference between fact and fiction, the magic of stories and metaphor… or you can lie and pretend that a REAL THING is REALLY GOING TO HAPPEN in the REAL WORLD, when you know perfectly well that it isn’t.
Doris
Well said.
Lucid Obsession
The whole idea of Santa is based in some fact. It’s more about the story and the concept of giving. I don’t see it as a lie either and agree with Sarahbear and Melen. Are you not going to read your daughter fairy tales either?
For me, I never “found out” that there wasn’t a Santa. I just grew out of it. It slowly switched from a magical guy coming down the chimney to my Dad. Though I never got big presents from Santa, it was always just little things and my stocking. Hell I’m 23 and my mom still fills a stocking for me.
Laurel
Lucid is right, there are several different accounts of Santa-like characters throughout history, some based on real people.
I think all small children have a tendency to believe in fairy tales and make-believe because they lack the capacity to reason out they don’t live up to reality. Fostering an enjoyment of these myths in young children is possible without actively deceiving your child.
In my family it was somehow conveyed and understood that it was all make-believe, that Santa was part of the spirit of the holiday and as I became old enough to reason that out for myself, nobody had to tell me Santa wasn’t real and I never felt deceived by anyone.
If your child asks, be honest, but I strongly disagree that Santa or the Easter Bunny or any comparable myths enjoyed by children are harmful deceits. How you choose to reinforce those myths might be deceitful, but it’s entirely possible to help your children enjoy them without leaving them feeling lied to.
Rebecca
Can’t you encourage the nature of giving without telling your kids about a magical elf who flies through the air pulled by magical reindeer?
Do you tell your kids that Cinderella is REAL? Why do we need a fictional construct (whether it’s based on a saint or not it doesn’t matter) in order to teach our children values? And why do some parents insist (even after their kids ask for truth) that Santa exists?
I will explain to my daughter that some people believe in Santa, and that she shouldn’t discuss it with them. Of course, children talk – but what’s the difference between a 10 year old who knows Santa isn’t real because he’s smart enough to figure it out, and my daughter, who never learned the lie in the first place? There isn’t one. So before you go attacking me for ruining your kid’s Christmas, maybe you should think about not putting them in that position in the first place.
Santa is a LIE. Whatever your intent, you are telling a falsehood that potentially could cause trust issues between you and your children. That is how I see it. If you choose to disagree, that’s fine. That’s your prerogative, and they are your children.
As for fairy tales, yes, I will read them to my daughter, but I certainly don’t tell her that they’re real. And how can you compare Santa to fiction books? Apples and oranges. As with fairy tales, you don’t tell your kids that the characters in the novels are REAL, do you?
And for the commenters who discussed religion and Christmas, you are right. Christmas these days is all about the commercialism. We don’t go all out – we usually do 4 gifts: something she wants, something she needs, something to wear, something to read. That’s it. And a new ornament each year, and some small items, usually craft things, in her stocking. A colouring book and crayons, a candy cane, a new toothbrush, things like that.
Sarahbear
Actually, I don’t see anything wrong with telling your kids Cinderella is real either. They can go see any of the Disney princesses at Disneyland/Disneyworld. Eventually, they’ll grow old enough to differentiate between stories and reality. It doesn’t hurt them to foster the wonder and enjoyment of childhood stories.
Parents do what they do based on how they’ve been brought up and what they’ve learned with a hefty dose of what works for their family. Santa works for some families, and for others it doesn’t. There’s nothing wrong with either choice. What was bothersome about your article was that it feels like you’re trying to justify your parenting choices by tearing down the choices of other parents. I’m just not really sure why you are so insistent that parents who encourage a belief in Santa admit they’re liars. There’s no Mother of the Year award that we need to compete for.
Melen
I think Sarah hit it right on the head with:
“It doesn’t hurt them to foster the wonder and enjoyment of childhood stories”
I’m always saying the biggest problem with our world is that there is less and less “mystery”.
Imaginations should be fed, especially in children.
Michiko
My parents never encouraged me to believe in Santa, so I knew that he wasn’t “real”, but Santa’s a huge part of Christmas nowadays. Your kids would see Santa everywhere. In a mall, on cards, pictures, etc.
I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with encouraging the belief of Santa – it’s part of the magic of Christmas to me. Smart kids question why Santa can deliver presents to everyone, smart kids question how Santa delivers when their house has no chimney. But he’s just part of the magic that surrounds Christmas. To me, he’s on the same level of hot chocolate with little marshmallows, pretty twinkling lights and watching it snow fat, fluffy flakes. It’s part of the magic.
I don’t think it’s harmful for kids to think that Santa or the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny exist. When they’re young, they’re capable of a sense of make-believe that we, as adults, sorely lack. They see good in the world, they see magic, they have imaginary friends and think that fairy rings of mushrooms are really where fairies go. Is it really your job to not allow them to just make believe and let their imaginations grow?
I get that you had a bad memory of Christmas because someone told you that Santa didn’t exist. And I think your aunt was in the wrong because she should have asked your parents first if you still believed and if you did, she should have not said anything. Telling someone that Santa is a big fat lie and allowing someone to figure it out for themselves that he’s physically impossible is another thing. But just because you had it ruined for you doesn’t mean you need to deprive someone else of the magic you felt before you were 7.
Dangerous Lilly
A quote from the Wikipedia page on Santa:
“Others, however, see no harm in the belief in Santa Claus. Psychologist Tamar Murachver said that because it is a cultural, not parental, lie, it does not undermine parental trust.[116] The New Zealand Skeptics also see no harm in parents telling their children that Santa is real. Spokesperson Vicki Hyde said, “It would be a hard-hearted parent indeed who frowned upon the innocent joys of our children’s cultural heritage. We save our bah humbugs for the things that exploit the vulnerable.”[116]”
Santa was a real person and the story has become folklore and aggrandized to keep up with modern times. If The whole Santa thing causes huge trauma to a child, then there are much much bigger and deeper issues with both the child and the parents, than some simple perpetuation of fun folklore.
Owen Ferguson
Exactly. Because the lie is cultural, cultural trust is broken. Parents who participate enable the political-economic hegemony to lie to the children with impunity. Thus, as adults, the populace expects to be lied to and accepts it as normative behavior, thereby failing to hold accountable those political and economic institutions that lie to us on a daily basis, and keep us firmly rooted in a trance state of monetary imagination.
The fact that the OP is the only parent I know right now who understands this basic moral physics is, frankly, shocking.
Fostering “imagination” is not the same as fostering creativity. All concepts, even self concepts, that are built on falsehoods, even if truly believed, will inevitably crumble. This is the meaning of the tower card in the Tarot deck. Teaching your kid to believe in Santa is like teaching them to believe in Visa: You can do it, it’s considered normative, but it’s actually child abuse.
Nicky
From your comment: “Of course, children talk – but what’s the difference between a 10 year old who knows Santa isn’t real because he’s smart enough to figure it out, and my daughter, who never learned the lie in the first place? There isn’t one.”
There is a difference when she’s 4-5 years old, and in school with all the children who do believe in Santa.
What happens when your daughter isn’t able to join in on the fun when children begin talking about everything Santa brought them for Christmas? Or how they got money from the Tooth Fairy? A basket from the Easter Bunny?
She is likely to feel a bit left out…especially when she is too young to understand that all the other children can believe in the novelty of Santa while she can’t. To me, it’s not about lying, but having an imagination.
Not personally attacking your parenting methods, but also find it strange that you seem to find anyone who follows the idea of Santa to be a liar…
Rebecca
My daughter is being homeschooled. Having said that, I never implied that she wasn’t going to get gifts, or an Easter basket, or money for her teeth. I just don’t see the point in using a construct.
We will foster her imagination in other ways. One reason she’s being homeschooled is because we prefer the Waldorf/Charlotte Mason way of doing things – more focus on the imagination and creativity in early years (up to 7) rather than on the intellectual stuff. That can come later. She also has a whole bunch of imaginative toys (silks for dress-up, faceless dolls so they can be whatever she wants, and other stuff) that she uses regularly. She certainly has an imagination!
Further, it’s not like we’re going to deny the Santa thing and pretend it doesn’t exist. We’re taking her to get her picture taken with Santa at our chiropractors on Monday, we talk about Santa and the reindeer – but we don’t say he’s coming to our house. Because he’s not. Rather, we say he’s a fairy tale, an imaginative representation of giving and magic. But we don’t need him to practice the giving and selflessness of Christmas – when she’s older, we’ll volunteer at shelters and we currently donate her old or unwanted toys to little boys and girls who don’t have any.
Jen
I am 34. And I believe in Santa.
No, I do not have children, but I do have nephews. Their parents have chosen to tell them about Santa & I actively participate in that belief. I did not feel lied to when I found out it wasn’t Santa per say that filled my stocking on Christmas Eve. In fact, my mother’s handling of the situation only strengthened my belief.
I believe Santa is a jolly man in a red suit who is to meant be the physical representation of the holiday spirit. Separate from the religious reason for the holiday Santa still fosters the idea of a magical gift brought on Christmas Eve, through a means that requires an act of faith. That a man who is the physical manifestation of the idea/spirit of love, generosity and good-will for all is so widely reapresented to children – from malls, to parents telling their children – is a good thing IMO. To instil a sense of wonder, faith & hope in the unseen..something illogical yet beautiful in it’s simple joy..how can that be a bad thing?
You may not tell your child about Cinderella as a reality. , but when your child swears her dog/cat/pet rat is really listening – even answering back, comforting her – will you speak with her until she concedes that is simply BS??
P'Gell
We never made a big deal about Santa. We would include him, briefly in our Christmas Celebration, but he wasn’t the center of the thing. Neither are gifts. But, we do buy gifts for the people we love, and no, we don’t go to an organized church, we just believe in what we believe in.
The Santa Thing in our house is done with a wink, and our kids never thought much about it, and we never make a big deal out of it. I have known people who get angry if you imply (to kids as old as 12 or 13) that there might not be a Santa (I was yelled at by an ex friend for talking about what My Man and I were buying the kids for Christmas in front of her kids, who were WAY too old to believe in Santa, yet she felt everyone should make a big deal about it and, yes, in her case, LIE to kids old enough to know better, about the thing. She said “We don’t tell our kids we buy them things. Santa does. I expect people in our house to go along with it. If our kids tell us they don’t believe in Santa, they get NOTHING.” Stellar parenting….)
I think every parent needs to make their own choices about it, but if a child is in early adolescence and the ruse is still being perpetrated, I don’t think it is helping the child much.
Rebecca
Yeah, see? That’s what I’m talking about. It’s more the continuance and the deliberate lying after the child has figured it out that it’s probably not true, where the harm is done. That’s what gets me.
DeadIzzy
First I want to say wow, this has generated alot of conversation.
Second my dad was really mad at his parents for lieing to him about Santa when he found he wasn’t real. I personally find it funny that some people get so pissed about that. Yes he is fictional and you can have just as much fun with the myth as with it. It’s the look on a childs face as they open their gifts that should make it fun. Adding the myth of Santa is adding a component to the game.
I don’t recall if it has been published yet. But in my post about the commercialization of Christmas I point out it’s more a Pegan holiday then it is Christian as we celebrate it. Same with Easter and most if not all of those old holidays. I guess my point would be if you’re going to get upset. Then be upset when you’re Christian and celebrating a Peganized holiday.
Doris
Rebecca, I am writing in full support of your comments. I am amazed at the lack of support you have received thus far. It always interests me when adults consider children as a separate and somewhat ignorant species and therefor acceptable risk for folly. I can still remember vividly, my humiliation at age five, while playing, a kid said to my sister, “do you still believe in Santa Clause”. My sister responded, “of course not, but she(me)does, because she’s still little”. With a five year old brain and emotional constitution I immidiately knew I had been the subject of a massive conspiracy and coverup due to being underage. Oh yes, I had been lied to. No question about it. So important was this lie that now I carried the full responsibility to decieve my parents into thinking I still believed so they would not feel the shame of my knowing that they lied to me. I no longer trusted everything that I was told. I now knew that my family viewed me differently because of my size/age. I swore to myself that if I ever had children, I would treat them as real people and never lie to them. I’m sure many of you doubt that a five year old would have done that much thinking and feeling, but I did. When I had my own children and they began to learn about Santa Clause, I sat them down and told them about my experience and that I would never lie to them. I also told them that it was an adult pretend game and a lot of children believe it. In that they knew my story, they knew not to embarrass any child who was believing.I gave them the choice if they wanted to play the pretend game in our house and they did. To this day, they thank me for telling them the truth because they knew that no matter what the rest of world was doing, I would never lie to them. I have three grown children with very talented imaginations who write fiction, fantasy stories and screen plays. I have lots of nieces/nephews and neighbors who believed in Santa Clause, they seem to be just fine as adults. I do think it is a critical writ of passage for a parent. Each must make the choice that is right for themselves and their children.
Rebecca
Yes! Thank you! I totally understand and agree completely with your comments. Further – I like your option of telling the children about the myth and asking them if they wanted to play along. That’s great.
DeadIzzy
I think if you want to insist on calling it a lie. You should focus more on the media than parents. Putting that whole Santa tracking thing on the news is much more of a lie than your parents says a fat man in a red suit is going to leave presents under the tree.
Personally I am not for or against using the myth in the celebration. I simply don’t care. Tell your kids that Santa is an exscaped convict for all I care. hahaha
As far as you capacity to process info at the age of five. I’m sure it is possible. But with what I have learned in psych classes it is also possible that what you think happened may not have been the way it happened. One teacher I had talked about the memory he had of his grandparents place I think. But he wasn’t even alive at the time the room looked the way described in the memory. What had happened was he had heard it talked about enough times that his mind constructed the vissual as if he had been there. At such a young age it is really difficult to say that anything your remember is truely what happened. Our brains are actually pretty prone to corrupting data as time goes on and creating false memories is a part of that. I’m not saying it didn’t happen. But be aware that it could be that you have actually morphed the actual memory to what it is today.
Doris
I have no argument with you there. However, we all have memories of significant moments in time where we experience something that is private. We remember it like it was yesterday(ie. first day of school, Kennedy Assasination, 9/11). Even though you hear many other accounts, your private,personal experience remains intact. When my Santa bubble was burst, I didn’t have the vocabulary I have now to describe what was happening but I remember how I felt. It wasn’t so much that my parents had lied to me, it was more about not being included in a joke that everyone else knew. I really have no problem with what parents tell their children except to say they can’t always control the outcome.
Owen Ferguson
Yes! This right here. It’s not that you were lied too – it’s that you were lied too without redress. You were taught that discovering deception ought inculcate feelings of inferiority. Teaching the myth is a blatant setup for later emotional suppression of the inquisition centers of the brain. It teaches the youth to lie to one another “for the greater good.” It’s a straight stepping stone to ingrained fascism.
Doris
Owen, I believe you are saying that later in life, I would be more inclined to accept a lie, unchallenged, than to question it because the act of being lied to, interprets as inferiority.That’s some diagnosis. It would have saved me a lot of pain and suffering,had I known this forty years ago. I say to you sir, RIGHT ON!
Bex
I just think that there are so many mysteries that already exist in the universe, why make up lies to try and foster a sense of wonder? There is such an incredibly variety of things to wonder about already!
Do you know for a fact that, like the example used above, your child is NOT able to communicate with animals? I don’t know that for a fact. But I DO know that no one is sneaking into my house on Christmas Eve, if I can help it.
I don’t see how faking a radar on the news is MORE of a lie than telling your kids that a man in a suit is going to get in a sleigh and fly through the air from the North Pole to their house while they are sleeping and leave presents for them under the tree…
Rebecca
I know that, every time my daughter cries, my kitten RUNS into the room and jumps up and puts her face right by my daughter’s and kisses her. Then she comes to me and butts her face up against mine.
That tells me she’s intuitive to our feelings and is trying to communicate with us.
DeadIzzy
I look at it as more of a lie because of the broad scale that it is told on. Not to mention using fake crap to explain how Santa could travel the world to deliver all those presents.
Just because of what you said I am going to find out where you live so I can break in and shave your head as a Christmas present. lol
With one of my friends his dad supposedly would slug a person who told him Santa wasn’t true and then tell the story of how he actually saw Santa. Now that is a lie and just plain wrong.
Sarahbear
One of those wonders is the human imagination. Not only can it come up with ideas for all of the things like cars and technology that seemed impossible less than 100 years ago, but it can also take us on journeys through mythical places with wizards, dragons, vampires, princesses, other galaxies with aliens and many other things.
It makes life more interesting for some people. It’s comforting for some people. Why is that a problem?
Bex
For me, the problem is that I can think of a hundred better ways to play imagination games with children by TELLING THEM we’re playing an imagination game, by encouraging them to imagine things that are actually mysterious! It’s not imagination if we’re just making up lies saying “this very specific thing is going to happen” when we know full well it isn’t.
It’s basically the same problem I have with parents who use stories like The Stork to explain human sexuality and reproduction. I get that there are “age appropriate” ways to explain those things, but making up a complete falsehood to explain one of life’s greatest mysteries (in order to foster a sense of wonder at life’s great mysteries?) seems a bit counter-intuitive to me.
Luscious Lily
It’s become quite obvious that we’re too polarized to reach a consensus on this. Those of you who have such a deep-seated need to prove that this is a harmful lie aren’t going to listen to the other side. You’ve shown over and over that you don’t “get” why people use the myth of Santa. Fine, you’re allowed to not understand. That’s not the problem here.
This issue isn’t as black and white as you want it to be. There is a difference between a lie and a myth. And that’s where you’ve missed the boat – you were hurt, therefore there can be nothing good about the Santa mythos.
In the end, Sarah said it best. There’s no reason to insist that everyone using the Santa myth is a liar who’s hurting children just to defend your choice.
Owen Ferguson
The difference between a lie and a myth is that the person to whom you’re relating a myth doesn’t believe with all the power of their innocent childish heart that it’s the truth.
Luscious Lily
*sigh* No, Owen. Try telling that to devout believers of any religious group. Each truly believes that the mythos of their faith is the truth, the facts. That doesn’t make religiosity the evil root of fascism. People do. When people misuse myths to control others, THAT is where the lie comes in. THAT is where the harm comes from.
Doris
now you have opened a whole new kettle of worms. There is so much right and wrong with your statement,but that’s another discussion.
Sarahbear
The thing is that you don’t get to dictate how other people think. Your way might be better for -your- family, but what works for you doesn’t work for everyone else. Babies don’t come with an instruction manual. We figure it out as we go, making decisions that best suit our situations and those are usually based on the things that worked and didn’t work for us growing up.
The person who wrote this article asked why people would tell their kids about Santa and people have repeatedly attempted to explain why they do. Either you want to know why and discuss it, or you want to shove your opinion down everyone else’s throat and be ‘right’. Fact is, there is no right or wrong way to raise a kid (barring -actual- abuse and neglect, of course.)
The entire concept of Santa is based on real events. It’s not completely made up. Yes, it’s been elaborated a bit to create a more magical and fun story for children, but the core of the myth can teach a wonderful lesson. You don’t have to do it if it doesn’t work for you and your family, but it’s quite rude to insist that parents are damaging their children if it does work for them.
Luscious Lily
In my view, whether the Santa myth becomes a lie or becomes an enriching part of the person’s life is all about the way the family handles it. As an example of how it can be handled very well, I’ll use my parents. There was a point in my early childhood when I KNEW that Santa existed, flying reindeer and all. (This was around the same time I decided that I was going to enroll in StarFleet Academy when I finished school, hahah) Over the years, my parents made sure to gently emphasize that Santa was about the spirit of the sheer joy of giving, not trying to rack up “good points” to score the best presents from the big man. They only held “coal” over my head in a joking manner, making it very clear that presents wouldn’t actually be withheld if I did something wrong.
I “found out” that Santa wasn’t “real” the night my sister was born. I was 9, and on the way to the hospital, my Mom let something slip about buying stocking stuffers. But you know what? It wasn’t a horrible, catastrophic event. As soon as they realized what had happened, my parents explained in an age-appropriate way that while Santa the person doesn’t exist, Santa the “spirit” does. Basically, they told me that Santa is the spirit of joyful giving in each and every one of us, and that they were very happy to be able to share “being Santa” with me.
Ever since that day, I actually enjoyed Christmas far more. Before… it was mostly about me getting presents (pretty standard for a young child today). I learned how wonderful it can be to find the perfect gift for someone, and see the joy on their face when they open it. I learned the joy of watching a young child’s excitement and glee when they see what Santa brought.
When my little sister “outgrew” Santa, he didn’t stop visiting out house. Every year, everyone has at least one present from “Santa” under the tree… because half the fun is trying to figure out which “Santa” it was!
To make a long story short, Santa wasn’t a lie for my family. In many ways, Santa was a fable, a parable, a teaching tool – it’s a story, so that kids who may be too young to really grasp the abstract concepts can be taught in a way that they will understand and remember and enjoy. And you know what? It works. You just have to teach kids that some stories exist to teach, as metaphors; you have to teach them that there is a world of color in between “completely factual” and “lie”, and that fable/parable stories fall in the middle. They’ll understand that you didn’t lie to them.