I am a sex toy fanatic. I review sex toys for my blog and have several “hook-ups”, so to speak. So I am lucky enough to get to try a variety of things without a huge financial investment. I am also lucky enough to be friends with people who host sex toy parties where we all bring our haul and try out other people’s stuff (with condoms, of course! Practice safer sex toy sex!) I discovered my sex toy life partner, the Pure Wand, through one of these parties, and I confess I probably wouldn’t have made the $100+ investment as an “experiment”, if I hadn’t tried it first.

My collection is constantly growing, but I also find myself weeding my collection and giving (disinfectable) things away on occasion. There are just some toys that just sit there because they’re not quite right, or they’re not right at all. So I’ve been thinking about ways various sex toy buying dilemmas could be resolved, if at all.

1. There needs to be a way to try before you buy. Sex toys are often a very expensive investment. Most people are not going to want to throw down $100+ on a vibrator unless they know for certain that it’s going to be worth every penny. But you can’t exactly stick something in your privates and return it to the retailer as resaleable merchandise. Reading reviews helps to an extent, but everyone’s body is different. I’ve wound up hating toys that got almost 5 star reviews, and loving toys that others panned. The aforementioned sex toy parties are great for trying things out, but not everyone is going to be comfortable using another person’s sex toys. There’s also no guarantee that a friend will own that item you’ve been dying to try.

2. There needs to be a way to modify “almost perfect” sex toys. I have several dildos that have the perfect girth but are too short. I have several dildos that are the perfect length but too slim. Ever since I’ve started using more ergonomically shaped toys, I wish all my dildos had handles that curved towards my body, so they would put less strain on my wrists. Wouldn’t it be awesome if sex toys were customizable, and you could get a dildo made-to-order to your specifications? Or if, instead of just offering several colors of the same toy, companies offered multiple lengths, girths, vibrating options, and so forth for the same toy?

A while back, I watched a documentary about men who own Real Dolls, that included an interview with the “real doll doctor” who does surgery on these super high end silicone love dolls when their various parts begin to wear out. With a price tag of $6,000+, it’s absolutely necessary that these toys be maintainable (especially since some of their owners form emotional attachments to them!) So, if this guy can put a new spine in a silicone doll, wouldn’t it be possible to cut my dildo in half and add an extra inch or two of color-matched silicone to it? Is my dream of a “sex toy tailor” actually feasible?

3. There needs to be a non-gross way to swap or exchange toys that don’t work well for you. When I recently decided to part ways with a Lelo dildo that wasn’t right for me, I had an open minded friend in mind who loves Lelo, so I offered it to her, and she happily took it off my hands. Obviously, the dildo in question was disinfectable silicone (which can be bleached or boiled), and we have the sort of friendship where this sort of offer isn’t considered weird. I kind of like the idea of starting a sex toy swap group on Fetlife, but people may be legitimately concerned about contracting an STI from a stranger’s sex toy. Even after it’s been thoroughly disinfected, there’s a psychological weirdness around putting something in your body that’s been in someone else’s body (which may be why some people get so jealous when thinking about their partner’s exes?) Re-selling used sex toys is certainly not legal, but there’s something heart breaking about throwing an expensive reusable toy in the trash when it could find a happy home with someone else…But how?

4. Sex toys need to be more affordable, period. This is a complicated one. Some great toys like the infamous Hitachi Magic Wand are relatively inexpensive because they’re mass produced and commonly sold in a vanilla context. The magic wand is just a normal household appliance, like a toaster or a hair dryer, that just happens to double as one of the world’s greatest vibrators. However, specialty sex toys made from body-friendly materials like silicone or steel tend to be rather pricey. I admit that when I was in college, all my dildos were made of inexpensive rubber jelly, because that was what I could afford.

Ten years later, we find out that jelly dildos contain potentially carcinogenic chemicals called phthalates. And cheap vibrators don’t seem quite as cheap when you’re constantly buying replacement batteries. Sex toys are becoming more mainstream, with condom companies making and selling vibrators and cock rings that can be purchased at drug stores, which is helping to expand the market for these specialty items, even though many people still consider these items taboo. So as a still-growing niche market, prices have to be high to cover overhead for sex toy companies and independent retailers alike. Ironically, this keeps a lot of people from making an investment that could change their sex lives for the better, as well as increasing the demand for toys, which would make them more affordable for everyone. And everyone deserves to own a really good quality toy or three.

I am curious to hear what other people’s sex toy buying pet peeves are…Leave them in the comments!