I did something recently that I never thought that I would ever have to do. I found myself waiting nervously as my partner called the nearest pharmacy to ask if they carried the Plan B pill. This was a new learning experience and I was embarrassed as heck to have to even ask the person if they had it, hence the reason my partner had to ask for it. It all started because I was forced off of my birth control pill. I was annoyed enough because I was forced to go into the GYN for my Women’s Wellness exam or else they refused to refill my birth control prescription because I was apparently overdue for an exam. Sure, there is nothing wrong with that – all women should try their best to keep up the wellness exam….but when you don’t have a whole lot of money in your pocket it’s a different story. I had to go in and see a physician’s assistant that I had never even seen before, she seemed as if she was new to the office and she was a little gruff and bossy. I became even more annoyed when I asked her if getting an IUD device would be a possible option for me, she asked me why I wanted it. I thought it would be a good idea; I would be out of insurance by my next birthday because I will then be too old to be covered by my parents insurance. Then I won’t have to worry about paying full price for the pills after my birthday comes. She then asks me if I have had any children, I told her “No” and she just looks at me and frankly tells me “You can’t have an IUD because you have never had children.” That was it, I could not argue. I am sure I gave her a funny look because I was confused – I had never heard that before. (Sure, there are reasons behind her saying “no” – but still) So I left with a prescription for a 90 day at a time birth control prescription, making sure to tell them to make sure I can get a generic prescription.

I go to the pharmacy and turn it in and say again “I would like the generic prescription, please” and then left. Later when I go to pick it up, the pharmacist tells me that it’s going to cost me “$100” and I say “Why does it cost so much?” she shrugs and tells me to call my insurance company. I ask “$100, for a generic!?” and find out that it’s not the generic because I can’t get a generic on the prescription I turned in because the way the physician wrote it there is no generic prescription. I told her that I want it changed because there was no way I was going to pay that. She faxed in a new prescription and I was on my way. Only it took a while to finally get my prescription because the doctor’s office took a while to send it in (despite my badgering) and I had to be off the pill for a while. That didn’t really stop my partner and I at all and then we had an accident – the condom broke. I wasn’t worried at first but I could tell my partner was a little nervous about it. Then he wasn’t and I became increasingly nervous, I do not want a baby right now at all. I felt like I would have to get it aborted if something happened because I couldn’t stand the thought of having to put the baby up for adoption and abortion was something I didn’t want my body to have to experience. So there I was in the shower and I just started crying, I didn’t want to be forced into either of those choices. Sure, I feel like I would want to have at least one child someday, but that someday is a long way off – not right now.

I then expressed my nervousness to my partner, and he suggested that we might try to get the Plan B pill. I shook my head and told him that I felt a little silly and embarrassed to even ask anyone about it. I felt that I would be looked down upon because I had to even ask for it. I certainly wouldn’t look down upon anyone for it if they ever had to ask me about it. Looking back on it, I feel like I was being smart, I know there is no way I could take care of a child right now. I praise my friends that have children and are trying to make their way through college – but I certainly couldn’t do it. I mean I am a full time student and I work 2 jobs. I could never provide for a child or give them the time that they need. In a world that has unfit parents, I would never want to add myself to the mix. I want to be smart about it and have children whenever I am ready – if ever I am ready. When I know I can fully provide for them; when I feel as if I have grown enough as a person to be a fit parent and so on.