When I’m not at work or in class for my law degree, I spend a lot of my time in my apartment. Most of that time is spent either on the computer or in bed watching television. I know, I’m ridiculously lazy. There’s few legal shows I can get into watching any more, thanks to the ridiculousness that is legal show writing. The one kind of show I can get interested in is the true crime show.

They’re on pretty much every network channel and quite a few cable channels. Lately though, I’ve been noticing a disturbing trend that I would like to buck, and one I would definitely like to debunk.

It seems like, in almost every episode of these type of shows the crime that is profiled has some “evil” sexual component. Expanding on that, there are several common themes. The first is that the perpetrator or suspect was involved in “evil, satanic and kinky” sexual acts. There is a hint of truth to the story line these shows are trying to perpetuate. From what I understand, a lot of crime has a sexual component to it, most of which isn’t obvious unless you understand the mind of the perpetrator. I’m not talking just rape here. That being said, just because a person is involved in kinky sexual acts does not automatically mean they are more likely to commit a crime. Does it play a factor in predicting future criminal acts? I will admit it does, even with my limited knowledge of criminal profiling.

Another common theme I’ve noticed, is that the victim is somehow less important and more deserving of whatever happened to them. Let’s back that gravy train up right now. Nobody deserves to have a crime committed upon them. Not now. Not ever. For any reason. And yet, somehow these shows seem to victim blame big time. Whether the victim was a sex worker of any kind, a single mother, or into “kinky sexual games”, there always seems to be something that the victim did that caused the perpetrator to have a reason to justifiably harm them. Victim blaming, in general, is something I absolutely despise, but particularly in the kinky context. So you like sex, and you like doing something other than missionary sex in the dark, while you close your eyes and think of England. That doesn’t justify it, or mean you are less than a person.

But the biggest and most annoying overarching theme that I despise, and has practically turned me off to this genre of crime shows in general, is the idea that all kink is somehow wrong. Whenever the topic of kink or bondage is brought up, it’s instantly brought up in the negative context. Whoever writes these shows paints an entire community with a broad brush. Instead of saying how giving the kink community is, how accepting and how open it is, they say everybody is like those select individuals who take what the kink community preaches and twists it. In every community of people there will be those who choose to not “toe the line” so to speak, and instead want to act out. To say any different, is to do a disservice to every community of similar people out there.

The majority of the kink community is not “evil,” “perverted” or “satantic.” We are genuinely welcoming people, with a love of something that’s not necessarily considered normal. Of course, there’s that general question of what is “normal” in the first place. There are deviants in a community of what a majority of society might consider deviant. But the grand majority are good people.

In a world where those who are non-kinky are seeing these messages, I want to be an advocate and an example of what good kinky people can be. When you look at me, you don’t automatically see “deviant bondage goddess.” I’m the girl next door, more likely to be baking cupcakes and walking a puppy, at least outwardly. Inwardly though, I’m as kinky as you can find. I am a law student. I hold a steady job. I’m a good person who does good things for people I love. Just because I have a love of leather, latex and pain doesn’t make me a bad person, a criminal, or somehow deserving of a violent crime.

That all being said, I do understand the role of these true crime shows. They look for sensationalism; creating drama where there wasn’t any in real life. They play up what their viewers or readers (in the case of published writing) might want to see. But writers of these shows can do it in a way that doesn’t paint all members of the kink community with the “wrong” brush. We are your neighbors, your friends, and your co-workers. We crave and deserve acceptance in the human community as a whole. We are not monsters who dance around fires and practice Satanism, while drawing blood, and pillaging and raping cities. I implore you, true crime show writers: Please don’t paint us as such.