It can be hard being young and coming into the BDSM community. For some reason my transition was fairly seamless, no one doubted my desires or looked down upon me or dismissed me because of my age. I was lucky in that aspect. I think it has a lot to do with me personally. I get told a lot that I don’t carry myself or present myself like the age that I am. I have a more mature aura about me which causes people to treat me older than they might someone the same age as me. It also helps that when I was getting started in the community I had not only done a lot of research myself, but had a Dom who was older. I apparently am a very good slave in public, because people were not only telling me so, but giving me the respect that they were giving people older than me, but not people the same age. Apparently I show dedication and that I am in this for the right reasons (so I was told once when I asked someone about it).
However, not everyone is so lucky. Many who are coming into the lifestyle at 18 or so, are doing so slowly with many questions. They are scared or too nervous to go to local activities since they don’t really know what it is. So they turn to the internet. One of the places that they turn to is the fast growing kink social network community, FetLife. I’m a greeter there, which means I am one of the many people who greets every single new member to say hello, give them some tips for the site, and showing them around. Often I am on the receiving end of questions from people just venturing into the kink community, just starting to explore and get their feet wet. It is great to be able to help these people and answer their questions. It is nice to be able to see past their age, not dismiss them as too young or just doing this for kicks. I always point them to the community after answering their questions, either the online community or their local community. I assure them that munches aren’t scary and they can help a lot with questions and getting more involved. More than once I have been messaged back a week or month later that people dismissed them. People look down on the young because “what do they know?” or “they aren’t as committed to this as I am!” or “Ha! You don’t know the difference between X and Y? Ha!!!”. I don’t understand why people look down, put down, and dismiss someone and their questions just because of their age.
A person can be in their 30s or 40s and just starting to explore the BDSM community and get nothing but help and welcoming, but someone who just passed the age of consent is only met with disdain and rudeness. I’m not saying this is always the case, after all, it wasn’t the case with me. However just look at the help threads, or listen to some of the remarks at a local munch or play party, the rudeness is present. We are all on the outside of the norm of sexuality, shouldn’t we be welcoming no matter if the person is 18 or 98?
LambChop
“We are all on the outside of the norm of sexuality, shouldn’t we be welcoming no matter if the person is 18 or 98? ”
YES we should.
CLP
I don’t really like associating with groups for this reason. Of course I enjoy being able to ask questions, or form connections, but I don’t find that it is always worth putting up with bullshit like this. I always say that I am still learning and am careful not to claim any sort of expertise; it is easier to later learn that the other person may not be as informed as I am and explain at that point. Its an easier and I feel friendly approach to handling this age-bluffing, but that only works for me. I understand how someone that *is* well informed would want to be seen as so.
LivingFire
I was really lucky, I was 21 coming onto the scene but never once was my age mentioned, nor did I ever feel it was an issue for anyone… I think a big part of that is just the sheer fact that the folk I’ve met are awesome
I’ve made some brilliant friends on the scene
LF x
Precious
I’m just glad Master’s older enough that he doesn’t get any of the “too young” stuff. He was twenty when we first really started looking into BDSM, since we both already knew it was what we wanted. Now that I’m 18, I don’t have to get any of it either, because I don’t have to ask the questions anymore.
I’ve also noticed that Dom/mes get a lot more respect and such than subs do. I mean, I know in at least some communities it’s the norm to treat subs as property, as slaves and such, but I know Master would deck anyone who dared to treat me any less that a proper lady, even if I’m in my corset and collar. I guess that’s more of just a personal issue? I’m not sure – we’re still kinda new at this.
Your post brings up brilliant points, though. Thank you.