How soon is too soon? Should you live together first? Should a proposal be a surprise? Is it public or private? Should a girl tell her boyfriend what kind of ring she wants? Is a wedding really all about the dress?
I have been having so many conversations lately about marriage, engagements, and proposals. Not because I’m engaged, but because a lot of my friends are. A few are waiting for their rings, and most people want to know when I plan to get mine. After all, I’ve been in this relationship for a year, what are we waiting on? (Their words, not mine.)
Many of my friends are very “pro-active” in their personal marriage dance. I have friends who went so far as to book a venue over a year in advance (before they had a ring) because they were planning their wedding already. I have other friends who literally designed their own engagement ring. Some people I know get engaged because they want the ring, but go for years without setting a date!
I, on the other hand, am somewhat traditional in the proposal, wedding, marriage dance. (I think.) I want to be surprised when I get engaged. I don’t want to know it’s coming, and I don’t want to worry that pressure from me is the only reason he is popping the question. If he talks to my dad and/or step-dad I don’t want anyone to tell me ahead of time! I don’t want other people to be present, because I feel that is a very personal and private moment, and I don’t want anyone else involved.
I don’t want to pick out my own ring. An engagement ring is a gift. It is a symbol. Yes, I know that I will wear it for the rest of my life, and some girls want to determine exactly what that will be, but (for me) that isn’t how an engagement ring works. When someone knows you that well, they know your tastes, or at the very least they know which of your friends know your tastes. It is a gift.
I don’t want to pre-plan my wedding. I don’t want to pick a season, a dress, and flowers ahead of time, because I don’t want a very long or very short engagement. I want to be flexible about everything, so that when the time comes for me to get married, I can plan a wedding with my future husband that suits us, and suits the circumstances at that time. I don’t want to have enormous expectations of that day, to the point that I lose sight of the important part: I’ll be getting married to the person that I love!
I know that I am in a minority among my friends on a lot of these points. I’m somewhat simple and traditional on a lot things. I know that we have such a diverse community here, and some of us want this traditional marriage and family set-up. Others aren’t allowed to marry who they love even though they really want to. There are plenty who don’t believe in traditional marriage at all.
What are your thoughts? Are you married? Did you have a big or small wedding? Do you hope to be married? Are you a pre-planner? Do you want to pick out your own ring? How important is the wedding versus the marriage itself?
[box]Got something you’d like to say? Check out our Writing for EC page for details on submitting to EdenCafe for a gift card![/box]
chicky82
I’ve been with my partner for nearly 10 years and although we’ve talked about marriage, neither of us sees it as a big thing. We have relatives who would love to see us have a huge wedding, even my bf’s sister (who has just finished helping her daughter with her wedding) says she would love to help plan another.
The price and the details of the whole thing is mind boggling. I told my bf if we ever decided to do it, we’d go to Vegas or go get a licence and do it privately. I’d want to pick out my own ring, but the whole idea is very off-putting.
Kristen
I agree…people put so much unnecessary emphasis on the pricing and the planning and they forget about what’s most important. One thing that pisses me off when girls get engaged is how their friends are so quick to “want to see the ring”; the size and cost apparently are indicative of how much the man loves you and I just find that so ridiculous.
I also don’t understand the logic of having expensive over the top wedding. It seems to be all about show: “Ooooh, look at me. I spent $5000 on a dress I will only wear once.” Don’t get me wrong; I love a gorgeous wedding. But if Kim Kardashian has taught us anything, it’s that over the top can prove to be a waste of money.
As for me, I want a private ceremony between myself, my husband and God as this is how it was meant to be in the first place! I want to go so far as to not even have to get a marriage license and opt instead for a marriage certificate and recording our marriage in a family Bible. Plus, I don’t even really like wearing rings…I’m still working on an option…like a bracelet or necklace or a small tattoo on my wrist.
We’ll see…