The humor of sex toys

Posted by Dead IzzycloseAuthor: Dead Izzy Name:
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About: I have been alive and had various experiences. A lot of them negative. I enjoy and understand psychology. I am pretty sure I do pretty good at figuring out when someone is just picking a fight. I will ignor people like that. I get enough shit in my life and I will not take it here.See Authors Posts (29)

This one day I was kind of chatting with my favorite pornstar (Raven Riley) about dildos when I said something that is very true and got a good laugh out of her. I stated that some of these sex toys look really weird and some even look like they should be in some sci-fi movie. I am not making fun of anyone who buys these toys, but even those of you who buy them have to admit some of them look really weird.

One I would like to mention is on EdenFantasies website and looks like a dick coming out of a flower. I have to laugh when I look at that one because it makes me think of a movie where they talk about flowers being symbolic vaginas. Too bad they didn’t have one of those in the movie it would have added a different meaning to symbolism perhaps.

Another one I recently saw was because of a review titled glass in my ass. I saw that on twitter and was like what the fuck is that one about. So I clicked on the link and read the review or part of it and looked at the picture. It’s not hard to believe that that toy is very effective, but it looks really weird. It’s like if someone looked at the ripples on a lake and said I want to design a sex toy based on that.

One for the guys that I think looks like a torture device is the Tanga flip or I think that’s what it’s called. It looks like a plastic thing with a hole from the outside, but when it opens up and you see the inside, it looks crazy. It has so many textures inside that thing that I bet if you tried to fuck it without lube it would rip your dick up. According to a video review of it, it actually works pretty well, despite how it looks.

Some of these other masturbators they sell look pretty weird too when it comes to guys sex toys. There are plenty of pocket pussies and pussy/ass fuck toys. But what person designed one to look like you were fucking either a flower or a bunch of crystals. I recall it was purple colored and it just looked like… what I said either a flower or a bunch of crystals all bunched together. I’m sure it could double as a weapon of mass confusion. “Ouch, did you just hit me with a sex toy, because now I’m covered in jizz?” HAHAHA

One of my favorite male sex toys to makes jokes about though is Sex-In –A-Can by FleshLight. What could be better than taking one these into a theater to jerk off with? I’ll tell you, taking the SuccuDry to a theater would be the best of them. It’s a Sex-In-A-Can that has vampire teeth and I love the idea of taking that thing to a theater and getting caught jerking off with it. It would be funny as hell when caught to stand up and start yelling as if in pain “GET IT OFF. GET IT OFF. IT’S BITING MY DICK.” Even if you said “IT’S SUCKING ME DRY” it would still be pretty damn funny. But I would have to say you should only do that if you are moving away from the place you live in or don’t ever plan on returning to that theater again. I would have to wonder if the theater would actually press charges or if to avoid embarrassment, if they would let you go.

If anyone who reads this is a fan of Joe Rogan and listens to or watches the live broadcast of his podcast then you will know what he has said about the FleshLight its self. He said there is something kind of serial killer about using a product that looks like an actual pussy, knowing that they made some from molds from pornstar pussies. I have to wonder if they made the original pussy one from an actual person. I envision them grabbing some homeless woman off the street and having her sit while they plaster her pussy with rubber and then send her off into the world all confused and wondering what the fuck just happened.

But after poking fun at sex toys, even those that I have used and still use. I want to bring up the dumbest thing I have ever seen when it comes to sex toys. I used to have a friend on the net who sent me a link to a dildo that said it was Y2K compliant. Now some of you may be asking, “Why is that so stupid?” Well because dildos don’t tell time and they certainly don’t keep track of what year it is. I hate to think that any women saw that thing and thought, “Fuck I got to get that, the last thing I want is to be masturbating and have my pussy catch on fire.” If anyone did you should find the fucker who sold it, shove a cactus up their ass, and say “Now that’s Y2K compliance bitch.”

The Y2K thing just shows how out of control a person’s imagination can really get. When someone thinks I can sell a vibrator, and more often, by calling it Y2K compliant. You know things are going too far. I remember my mom talking about people worrying about water heaters and I had to control myself to keep from yelling, “WHAT THE FUCK, how stupid can someone be when they think a device that has nothing resembling a clock is going to go nuts in the year 2000.”

I hope this spawns a line of jokes in the comments area for this post. I look forward to reading any other jokes people have thought of when looking to buy a sex toy.