A while back, there was an image circulating the web called “The Good Wife’s Guide”. I can’t remember where I first ran into it. But I remember there was quite the uproar over the guide around the blogosphere.

The feminist bloggers were vehemently opposed. The submissive women cheered. Men on either side of the fence were attacked for their sheer inability to understand what women go through on a daily basis, as if it’s still the 1950s, and women are still treated like objects by every man on the face of the planet.

I chuckled. I don’t remember my comments around the blogosphere, or on the kink forums. I remember some of the suggestions made sense to me, while others were hilarious. And even now, I look at that list and shake my head.

But take a look at the guide, why don’t you, and decide for yourself what you think, before I talk about my opinion.

In the beginning of our relationship, even before I’d asked to be M’s slave, I agreed with much of this advice. But not so much as a directive for the wife as for both parties in the couple.

I mean, let’s be honest, here. Who wants to come home from a long day at work to find the house a mess, the kids in need of tending to, dinner still in the fridge and their SO (regardless the gender) bitching about something while looking and smelling like they just walked in off Homeless Row? Not this little gray duck.

In the 50s, most women, for whatever reason, stayed home while their husbands worked. As far as I’m concerned, if a woman’s home while her man works, whether or not there are kids involved, she should, as often as possible, at least have a clear path to the dinner table, the bathroom and his favorite chair. And try to have dinner ready when he gets home. I mean, why not? She’s there all day, anyway. Doesn’t it make more sense for the family to be able to sit down and eat when Dad gets home than to have to wait till he’s done cooking? And if you don’t feel like cooking, then order something he can pick up on the way home. I’m all for compromise, but this, to me, seems like a silly argument.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to maintain a relaxing atmosphere. And if there are no pressing matters in the home, like little Maxine suddenly potty training herself, or the boiler breaking, does it really hurt anyone if you just let your partner decompress a bit when they get home before unloading your day on them?

I don’t understand why making your SO happy wouldn’t be satisfying. No matter your gender. And if you’re not often happy to see your partner, the problem may be deeper than gender lines.

It’s when you get to the part about making the evening his, and not questioning him ever, and being completely okay with him going where ever he wants without you, whenever, and with no word, that I start to get a little… antsy and have to admit the feminists have a point. Tried it. Can’t do it. Must have some sort of respite from these four walls on occasion. Back in the day, it was to get away from my ex. These days it’s to get away from the monotony of every day life. Monotony is painful. I need spark. Pizazz. Or even just a trip downtown to the store we buy our incense from.

And no matter who you are, or what you do, not letting someone know you’re going to be late is just rude.

The good slaves will pipe up, here, and tell me that it’s my responsibility –nay, my honor!– to do whatever it is M wants me to. I’m supposed to follow the rules in that guide to the letter. M would say that, too. (Aside from the kids and the fire. We don’t have a fireplace, and the kids live elsewhere.) Even if that means sitting in this house all day every day. And I’ll grudgingly agree. But the second I’ve got half an opening, I’ll be sure to mention that research has proven many New Yorkers have a Vitamin D deficiency from lack of sunlight, and this causes depression and even anxiety attacks. He’s not only risking bringing me harm, but he’s hurting himself by not sunning me regularly.

I get the feminists’ issue with this guide. It’s all about being a good wife, and nothing whatever about being a good husband. Many of them think following any of the advice in that book puts them in a place of subservience. And why should they go out of their way to make their husbands happy if their husbands aren’t putting forth the same effort?

The simple answer is you get what you put in. When’s the last time you made it about him? Surprised him with something you know he wants, but hasn’t bought yet? Or a flower?

If your answer is any variation of, “Well, it’s been xx long since he did anything for me!” I’m gonna assume that means you don’t remember. And that the real reason you’re offended is because this silly guide from the 50s pointed out some things you don’t like about yourself. Like how you’re so adamant about not being subservient to your partner that you rarely do anything nice for him.