Eden Cafe

I mean, I don’t know what you thought you were doing all this time with that $100+ Pure Wand, shoving it up your vagina like there was something there to stimulate it with…clearly you are imagining things. Typical woman.

/sarcasm.

So, this was going to be a big ole rant of my usual style, cutting and snarky, a brutal attack on those responsible for this latest controversy on the so-called “G-spot Myth.”

But in the meantime, I’ve had conversations on this topic with not one, but three men who really don’t see what the big deal is. Granted, they are men and therefore lack a certain basic experience (i.e. being female) that would probably help them get it a little faster, but they got me thinking…

What is the big deal. Why does this push my buttons (and the buttons of many, many other women)? And, why does it make other women happy, somehow able to escape the pressure of having to find and enjoy something they are not sure exists? Who cares what some scientists in Great Britain who, clearly, lack the basic intelligence to design a legitimate scientific study and draw reasonable conclusions from the resulting data think about what’s going on inside my vagina?

Let’s start at the beginning…

There is this study. If you go directly to the abstract that I’ve linked to, you see the purpose was to investigate whether the G-spot has an underlying genetic basis. To do this they asked 1804 twins if they had a G-spot.
56% said yes, 44% said no and from this, those conducting the study concluded that there is no g-spot.

Confused? Baffled? Me too.

Especially because right there in the conclusion on the abstract they actually say: “A possible explanation for the lack of heritability may be that women differ in their ability to detect their own (true) G-spots. However, we postulate that the reason for the lack of genetic variation—in contrast to other anatomical and physiological traits studied—is that there is no physiological or physical basis for the G-spot.”

They didn’t physically look for a G-spot, they asked. And they acknowledge right there that the results of their study may indicate a measure not of the existence of a G-spot, but of the ignorance of one’s own body, among the women studied. And yet, inspire of realizing this significant flaw they just jump in anyway and declare the G-Spot doesn’t exist.

But, hey, so what? Right? Who cares about some dumb-asses in Britain who did a bad study?

The media.

This is where the shit hits the fan. The media (not all media, CNN is reporting their findings as seriously flawed, even quoting one of the scientists who worked on the study, yet questioned the way it was implemented and the resulting data) is reporting their declaration as fact.

Never mind many other studies that have produced a variety of results. Never mind countless women who know exactly how to locate theirs. Never mind that you can actually do a Google search for G-spot and find actual photos of this piece of your anatomy.

Never mind that if anyone doing a story and had a single ounce of common sense or an ability to …I don’t know…read, would have seen the researchers who conducted the study contradicted their own data in the conclusion and that the resulting conclusions drawn from such flawed data are absolutely unworthy of repeating.

But they did, and then people read it and believed it and repeated it. And now I have men telling me there is no physical proof of the G-spot. Come here and give me your hand, I will show you where mine is. You can feel it. And I promise you are not imagining things.

What the fuck? Is it me or is this just as asinine as doing research to prove the existence of the clit, or the penis or the nipple or any other piece of erectile tissue on the body?

Why is this even a question?

People sometimes claim that by asserting the “mythical existence” of the G-spot makes women feel bad if they don’t have one.

You know what? Fuck off. I am not going to pretend some part of my body doesn’t exist because you can’t find yours, haven’t looked for it, don’t know how it works or perhaps have a hidden one. I am not going to pretend the Sun doesn’t exist on days when it hides behind the clouds.

And that’s where the bug up my ass really begins. Because now any woman who speaks of her G-spot is subject to being patted on the head and condescendingly told she is only imagining things.

It’s demeaning, it’s insulting and it’s not the first time women have been told that something is all in their heads when in fact, it was real.

It’s part of an overall pattern and history of treating women a certain way. And unless you have experienced being treated that way, you can’t fully appreciate what I am talking about.

If you are male, imagine for a moment, being told you have no penis. Your penis is a figment of your imagination. Imagine I am completely serious and I’ve done studies to prove this and others have declared my conclusions to be fact. As a result, sexual intercourse is not something you will get to have anymore. Blowjobs and handjobs are off the table as well. Because the penis doesn’t exist and we don’t want to do anything to encourage you to think that it does. Right now you are thinking “That’s just stupid, it’s quite obvious I have a penis and this would never happen so I can’t really go there in my head because my hand is wrapped around my penis right now! I know it’s there so it’s preposterous to do a study to figure out if it’s not and even more insane to claim it doesn’t exist.”

And now you understand how I feel (and how other women feel as well).

The idea that this thing doesn’t exist is just so retarded I can’t quite believe it. That people are actually studying it and taking the idea that it’s fake seriously, as fact, astounds me. It took less than five minutes to look up this study and realize it was bullshit. I genuinely do not understand why the rest of the world didn’t. And I know that one reason some did not is because this study suits an agenda. It reinforces something they already believe and they are using it to further that agenda. Which makes me stabby.

So, I guess this turn out to be a bit more ranty than expected. But the important thing you should take from all this is that I plan to take the EdenFantasys.com giftcard I get for writing this post and buy a toy specifically designed to stimulate my imaginary G-spot. And I am going to take my imaginary G-spot toy and use it on my imaginary G-spot and have a imaginary G-spot orgasm.