Whatever happened to the good old days, where kids stayed out of their parent’s things for fear of getting beat or grounded? I really wish that I knew the answer to that question. This weekend I faced probably the single most embarrassing thing that I have ever had the misfortune of living through.

Time and time again my boyfriend has warned me about hiding my toys. He is so paranoid about someone spotting them. Me, I have never really worried about it too much. He has two teenage sons, and I have a teenage daughter and a seven year old. I always figured “Well, people shouldn’t be snooping through my things anyway.” I mean, shouldn’t I be entitled to my privacy in my own bedroom? Why should I have to hide things in a place where no one else has any business being? Hmmm…I guess maybe I should have paid a little more attention to him! This weekend our biggest fear had to be faced. Sheesh!

I mean, it’s not like I have enough things to open a store or anything. I have a small collection of “Aids” for our bedroom adventures. But come on, there should be some degree of privacy. I try to give them their space, and I would bet that now they will give me a little more. I put my vibrators and other toys up in bags. I close everything up and then hide them in a drawer in the bottom of my dresser. Spying little creeps! They are probably going to go through my computer and read this too.

We were sitting in the living room Saturday evening, watching some random movie on television, when his 13 year old comes strolling in the living room holding my pink Flash Flapper in his hands. One of my personal favorites, as it rotates and lights up. The look that his dad and I exchanged probably could never be duplicated, and rightly so! Everyone sat there in total silence for a minute before his 16 year old burst out laughing, which set my boyfriend off too. With tears rolling down his face, and gasping for breath, he informed me “Well, I have mentioned this before, so I think that this is something that you can handle on your own.”

About this time, the 13 year old innocently asks “What is this for?” How in the world do you respond to a question like that when half of the room is still laughing uncontrollably (I still want to know how the 16 year old knows what it is) and the other half is just looking around waiting for someone to answer? Well, how would you answer?

After taking a deep breath, I spoke in the most controlled voice that I could muster up. I told him “Well, when you are grown up and in love with someone, sometimes there are things that you do to share special times with each other.” At this point half of the room cleared out. My boyfriend is now howling like a hyena, gasping for breath like someone just kicked him in his solar plexus. Luckily, I did NOT have to go into more detail. As it slowly dawned on him what he was holding, he dropped it on the floor, looked between his father and me, and said in a not so quiet voice “Aw man, ya’ll are GROSS!”

I can’t even imagine the crimson shade that I must have been as I walked outside and got into the car. My boyfriend called me on the cellphone, and I am assuming he was asking where I was going…I really couldn’t tell through the choked laughter. I just hung up. I went to Walmart and they have lockable suitcases, which I purchased and brought home. After neatly tucking and locking away all of my playthings, I went to the kitchen and made myself a drink. I am still having trouble looking the boy in the eyes. I guess that will eventually pass. I just hope that we haven’t scarred him too badly.

Just a little word to the wise…Don’t ever assume that your private things will stay private with nosy little people around. I wish I would have invested in somewhere to lock things up before. It would definitely have saved a LOT of embarrassment!