What am I thankful for?

This is an interesting topic for me. Only 6 years ago I would have been hard pressed to come up with an answer to this question. I was diagnosed with chronic depression at some point in high school, probably around GR11 (age 16). My family life was a disaster, and I was awkward, overweight and intelligent; in  highschool this translated into me being a walking target.  At that point in my life I was very unhappy and seriously considering suicide as an alternative. Today however, my life has completely turned around.. I  have gone from being an angsty, suicidal shut in, to being, for all intents and purposes….High On Life.

For persevering through the horror of my youth, I have my siblings to thank. On days when all I could think of was ending my own misery, the idea of the impact that would have on them, stopped me every single time. I love them and could not bear the thought of the emotional trauma that would cause for them.

At the time I felt like there MUST be something horribly wrong with me. Nowadays I  have a new appreciation for who I am. For this I have my friends to thank. They were there for me when I was down, to make me laugh, or to compare emotional horror stories so that I didn’t feel alone. They have also been adamant in letting me know how much they appreciate me, and letting me know just how amazing they think I am and why. I have to admit, sometimes its hard to argue with good solid reasoning.

I have never been ashamed of who or what I am, for this I have my mother to thank. She taught me how to be a person who I can be proud of. She has always had faith in me, been accepting of who I am, supportive of my choices and encouraged me to push myself to be my best.

I have come to the conclusion, that I am ….. Me, and there is nothing wrong with Me. (At least no more than there is wrong with any other person.) I am a good person, a good friend, intelligent and cute as a button (in an incredibly awkward kind of way.)  I am beautiful, full of love for those around me and loved in return.

I am now able to go outside, take a deep breath of fresh air, and spend hours basking in the amazement at the beauty of life. I find myself baffled by the prospect of nature and its wonders. I an stupefied by the incredible feats of human endeavor throughout history. I can lay in the grass, soaking up the sun  euphoric because of the warmth on my skin. I can spend an entire afternoon playing with a Frisbee, doing cartwheels and somersaults, or climbing a tree.  I am amazed by the fact that I can sit and enjoy a book, that I know how to read, that other people know how to write, that they can express ideas and I can ingest them at will simply by moving my eyes across a piece of paper.  ( No I have not just discovered MDMA).

In short, I am filled with all of the joyous amusment and wonder that a child experiences while discovering the world. I realized at some point that NOBODY can take that wonder away from me, there is no reason to become miserable and jaded. The world is beautiful and it is full of mystery and excitement. It is full of beauty and life. and I will forever be thankful that I have an opportunity to appreciate it.