As a mother of four children, three of them teens, I pride myself on being available for my them to talk to about whatever they need, whenever they want. Don’t get me wrong, there is a fine line between parenting and being a friend. I am definitely a parent, but I believe that you can be their friends, to an extent. I want them to feel that I really do have their best interest in mind, and that maybe mom does have a little more life knowledge than what they initially think I do. I have raised them to know that they can come talk to me about whatever is going on in their lives. That, even if we don’t see eye to eye on the answers to things, that we can discuss them and they won’t get in trouble for coming to me when they have a question. I try to keep that door open to them.

Today’s teens have a lot of different issues to face than we did when I was a teen. Eating disorders, cutting, increased drug use, and gang activity have all increased, or at least become more widely noticed now, than they were years ago. A lot of parents don’t want to hear that their kids are facing these issues on a daily basis, at school as well as pretty much anywhere that they spend any amount of time. They are faced with just these kinds of things daily. Faced with some of the toughest decisions imaginable, we hope that the values we have taught them will stick with them. But if we don’t keep open lines of communication, how do we know? Simple…we don’t!

A few months ago my 15 year old daughter told me “Mom, I want to talk to you about something, but I don’t want you to be mad at me, and I don’t know how to tell you.” She’s the head cheerleader, popular, a vivacious girl that I absolutely adore. My heart hit the floor. My first thought was ‘Oh God, she’s pregnant, or has an S.T.D’, then 20 other things ran through my head before I could catch my breath. As I braced myself for the worst, I told her “I love you with all my heart and soul and nothing that you tell me is ever going to change that.” She started talking, she told me that even though she had recently had a “boyfriend” that she talked to at school, there was a girl that she had become very close to, and they really liked each other. She said that she thought that she was bi-sexual, and was having really strong feelings for this girl. She was really torn about this and did not want to upset or disappoint anyone. I almost busted out laughing with relief.

We had a long conversation about the fact that…(1) I believe that she is too young to be in a serious relationship, but I do respect her right to have certain privileges that she has earned. (2) We cannot choose who we have feelings for, whether they be male or female.  (3) That I would support her decision in who she is, and she has to be true to herself and not worry about what society may throw her way. I think we both breathed a sigh of relief. After this I decided to do a little research on the subject.

I spent hours reading articles online about different studies that have recently emerged on teenage homosexuality and bisexuality. A lot of people think that this is a stage, researchers disagree, and so do I for the most part. While I think that maybe some kids will try a lot of things simply for the shock value, most truly have these feelings that they can’t squash even if they try. There is a lot of information and support for teens at about.com. Reuters reported in October 2010 that 1 in 10 teens have same sex partners. Two times as many as previous research showed.  According to various websites that have been studying different aspects of teen behavior such as, sciencedaily.com, moneytimes.com and yale.edu , 38-40% of homosexual and bisexual teens are more likely to be singled out for punishment in schools and arrested for crimes. Those statistics frighten me, as they should any parent. What has society been teaching people? You would think that in the year 2011 we would have grown above and beyond this, but new research shows that this is not the case.

I have come to a new understanding with myself now. I vocally and vehemently support my daughter in this decision. Who is society to decide who she can and can’t love? It should be enough that she lives a good life and doesn’t do harm to others. There are so many parents that do not stand beside their children in this choice, but that is exactly what it is…a choice. It isn’t mine, or anyone else’s to make. It’s hers and hers alone. I have talked to the girl that she is seeing, and she is a very nice young lady as well. Her parents aren’t supportive at all, that is sad to me because they have so many others things that they have to deal with. They need the support of the people that they love and trust the most. They should not have to worry about disappointing us for something that they have no control over. I will continue to cheer in my daughter’s corner, and do whatever I can to make this as easy for her as humanly possible. And let it be known that God be with the person that ever does her wrong because of it!