How many of you remember Popeye’s catch phrase “I y-am what I y-am.”?
I think this sums up a person. I am what I am and your not gonna change me. I have a submissive personality, except when I’m PMSing. Then you just don’t want me around at all, lol. Now while I am a sub, I’m not going to let you or anyone else walk all over me. Just because I’m submissive, doesn’t mean I won’t stand up for myself. Yet many people believe that if a person is a sub it means they are. Just like many people think that if a person is a dom they’re bullies or abusive. Again this is not true. But the media and society have placed taboos on this type of lifestyle.
So how do you get your vanilla partner to try this type of play, especially if they buy into this stigma?
Well first you have to learn all you can about what you want, like, and what turns you on. Are you a dom or a sub? How far do you want to go? Do you just want to dabble, or actually get into the lifestyle? How do you feel about pain, or even adding other fetishes?
Once you know what you want, start slow. Try saying something like, “You know what I’d like to try tonight…?” Finish with, maybe … “letting you have your way with me”, or perhaps, “I’d liked to have my way with you.” They’ll probably be more accepting of this than, “I want you to tie me to the bed and fuck me senseless,” But then, you know better than me with your partner.
If he/she can get comfortable with the mild stuff, for example: tying you or being tied to the bed. They might be receptive to going farther. Talk, offer up info, show them that being kinky isn’t a horrible thing, and normal everyday people do it.
Here’s something that is very big, even if you know more and want to go fast into this. Let your partner move at his or her own pace. Every one learns at their own pace, so be patient. Talk with them, answer their questions, or help find the answers.
Ok, a couple tips for subs-
Try doing little things, like getting your partner’s drink or meals. Do things you know they hate to do. For example… I know my hubby hates to mow the lawn, so I do it for him. This can be applied in the bed room as well , do stuff they like. One example… my hubby likes BJ’s, so I give them to him whenever I get the chance.
Tips for Doms-
Biggie! Make sure your partner knows you’ll respect their wishes, and you won’t do things that are No-No’s. No means, NO! Don’t violate that or you’ll have problems. Also make sure that your partner knows that you respect them as a person. They aren’t going to be a sex object, for your pleasure, it’s a two way street give and take.