“you are right to believe you SHOULD be able to expect that, but you are naive if you think you CAN expect it.”

We’d all love to live in a world where rape wasn’t an issue but we don’t. We can certainly help some by educating about the grey areas and clearly communicating about the issues at hand but I think I agree that we won’t ever live in the ideal world. So we do what we have to do and for me that means making smart decisions.

But, with that said, some of this aggression might certainly be better directed away from the victims (or maybe it’s just the passion about the topic that makes it seem like it is being directed there). Perhaps at the assholes who do (and plan to) take advantage of women? Or perhaps at the fact that because it seems like they are obviously not being told often and/or loud enough that it’s wrong and rape.
.-= Adriana´s last blog ..Down The Rabbit Hole =-.

She wrote: “Should he take advantage of the situation? No. Is he guilty of a crime and should he be punished in the worst possible way if he does? Abso-fucking-lutely.”

Pretty bloody clear that Laurel always holds the rapist accountable for the rape.

But it is an entirely fair thing to suggest that people in general (and in this instance, women) have a mature and grown up attitude to their own personal safety (and not just at frat parties, and not just regarding rape.)

It’s not fair and it’s not right, but in today’s society women are in danger in situations like the frat parties Laurel describes.

It’s all very well saying ‘it shouldn’t be like that’ because it shouldn’t, but it IS.
.-= Champagne and Benzedrine´s last blog ..HNT =-.

Some of us are more brash and harsh though, and we don’t mince our words. I can appreciate a tell it like it is attitude, but not everyone does. Especially with topics like this that teeter so close to the edge of opinions people feel strongly about. I too would rather be wrong and safe than right and raped. =)
.-= Sarahbear´s last blog ..HNT #3 =-.

Was my friend raped? Absolutely. Was the guy a sleazebag for doing it? Absolutely. Was my friend also being stupid when she went up to pass out in a strange guy’s bedroom? Yes, she was. And she owned her stupidity. And she was the one who gave me a big speech about what NOT to do when you go to a frat party (or, honestly, any drunken college house party full of guys you don’t know) when I was a freshman.

The fact is, there are many situations that are well known to put people at high risk for victimization. Much as I wouldn’t advise a drunk college girl to go to a strange boy’s room unless she wanted to have sex with him, I wouldn’t advise a drunk preppy-looking guy to take a casual evening walk through the “bad neighborhood” of any big (or medium sized) city. (FWIW, I also had a well-dressed male friend get stabbed for his wallet at the same university. He was stumbling drunk down an alleyway at 3am.)

Am I absolving either of my friends’ attackers of the responsibility for their crimes? Of course not. However, I am most definitely saying my friends’ behavior put them at much greater risk of becoming crime victims… and everyone should be aware of the risks inherent in their immediate situation and actions.

See, for me, who is to blame is a given. The rapist is to blame. Yet we teach women to fight back. We teach them to carry mace or a whistle and give them advice on what to do if someone tries to rape them on the street. All these things, hopefully, are designed to prevent women from becoming victims.

So, advising a woman not to put herself in a situation that makes her incapacitated and therefore unsafe is somehow blaming her? Staying sober and avoiding being drugged are now being equated with wearing a short skirt? What?
.-= Laurel´s last blog ..Forgive the mess, we are remodeling =-.

I am not suggesting in any way that women be blamed after the fact as contributors to their own fate. This achieves nothing, which is why I said Amy was very much NOT helpful to her reader.

But I do see it as no different than making someone use a condom to protect from HIV. Yes, the person who gives you HIV is ultimately the responsible party, but that is little consolation when choosing to use a condom could have kept you HIV negative.

Dismissing this argument as victim-blaming, as others have done, simply continues to perpetuate the ignorance that you can expect to put yourself in this situation and remain safe.

Blaming the rapist and advising women to take responsibility for themselves and to protect themselves are NOT mutually exclusive. Both are needed, both contribute to keeping women from being victimized.

It’s like I said before, having been in the situation and expected someone to act honorably and ending up raped instead …frankly, I’d rather I’d been less trusting, less drunk and not raped.
.-= Laurel´s last blog ..Forgive the mess, we are remodeling =-.