I stopped caring about my body right about the same time I became sexually active. For me, the two were weirdly linked when I was younger. You see, I was pretty much always interested in sex, so when I was bigger than all the other girls in fifth and sixth grade that was my biggest worry. I know, I was a weird kid. But when I realized that guys thought with their dick first, I stopped being so concerned.

You see, a dick does not have an eye. It does not care if you are 120 pounds, or 320 pounds. Sure, the man attached might care, but the ones who really stick to those kind of numbers aren’t the guys that I want to be with. I learned that one really quickly. When I started my sexual journey, I was determined to ‘turn’ as many guys as I could. What I mean by that was that I would intentionally go after guys who thought I was too big for them. I would get them to be active with me in some way (whether it be an oral exchange, or sex, or some other form of high sexual contact) and then leave them. Looking back, it was not my proudest time.

Although I bagged me some hotties, and I’m talking grade A hotties. I found out quickly that my sexual appetite was attracted to men who wanted some adventure, men who were willing to try out some crazy stuff. That’s when my sexual sights shifted from those who weren’t interested in me because of my weight, to those who were interested in me because of my sexual appetite and adventurous nature. The change was quickly apparent.

No matter what small happiness I felt because I was hooking up with guys who were so quick to say they would never hook up with a fat girl (and proving them wrong), it was rarely really satisfying. I was so much more satisfied once I was with guys who were actually compatible with me on a sexual level (among many other levels, I found that relating on this level meant the probability of relating on other levels was increased).

I almost didn’t know how to stop targeting guys who didn’t immediately want to be with me all based on my weight. Sometimes I’ll still find myself trying to prove that I am just as hot as some stereotypical co-ed. That’s when I tell myself, “Suck it up buttercup. You’ve got better things out there”. I reminisce about all the hot sex I’ve had with guys who want to be with me regardless of my weight. They are attracted to me, without me having to convince them that I am just as good as someone else. They don’t need convincing. And now, neither do I.