I know it sounds crazy to most people, but I believe it is possible to fall in love with someone of the same sex, but be straight before the relationship and be straight after. I find it possible, because I’ve experienced it before.

Around the age of 15, I moved to a new neighborhood, and made new friends. Some were very close friends, and we had our own little group that used to hang out. Myself and one other girl in particular became the best of friends. We saw each other everyday, we did everything together, we wrote notes back and forth, played basketball at the local park all the time, we talked about everything, and we just had so much fun.

The friendship progressed for the next year or so, and I came to realize that I loved this girl as a best friend. I genuinely loved her, and she loved me, like best friends do. We helped each other through some rough times and were always there for each other. We were so close, that by the summer between my junior and senior year (between her 8th grade and freshman year), she stayed at my house almost every night. Not just her. Her and her sisters. We were all friends. It was like a sleepover in my room with my two sisters, step brother, and her two sisters. It was just lots of fun.

During this particular summer though, since we did everything together and saw each other almost everyday, things progressed in our relationship. We played truth or dare a lot with our “gang” of friends that hung out, and we were dared to kiss each other (along with others), and we enjoyed it, so behind the scenes, when we were alone, we continued to kiss each other. At this point we started to fall in love with each other. I had never loved anyone before in my life, and I just knew, this was love.

Kissing progressed to sexual things, and we finally declared ourselves as dating, not just friends anymore. I was dating my best friend. However, at the time neither of our families approved of homosexual-ness, so our relationship was mostly secretive. One of my sisters, my step brother, and very few other friends knew about the relationship. We were very good at hiding it.

Once school started back, about a month into it, things started to get bad with us. My best friend and girlfriend, found new “gay” friends at school and ended up cheating on me and dating other females and broke my heart. Things ended pretty badly.

Luckily her sister came to my rescue as a new best friend. She was there for me without even knowing what was going on between her sister and I, and she became the friend I needed. After things calmed down from the break-up, I was very confused. I didn’t know what this made me, straight, gay, bisexual, etc. I started to look at my new best friend and think to myself, could this ever happen with her? I thought about it for weeks and tried to decide, do I like her? Could I see myself with her? Am I gay? It just was not appealing, because to me, she was my best friend. Those feelings weren’t there this time. Yes I loved her as a friend also, but not more than that.

Over the next 6 months, I probably was more confused than I ever had been in my life. I looked at all my female friends, and tried to picture myself with them. It just never appealed to me. I could not see me dating any of them. I finally came to the realization, that I was straight before this relationship, and straight after. I’m not saying I was straight during the relationship, because that just doesn’t make sense. However it was possible for me to genuinely fall in love with a woman, without turning gay or bisexual.

The relationship with her was not experimentational. I hate when people say that to me. I am now married to a male, and have been for more than 3 years, and never once after that female female relationship did I date or even like another female. I am in love with my husband, so yes I know what love feels like, and what I had with her was love. I do love my husband more than I did her at the time, because with my husband it’s more of a deeper love and I know we can be together forever and have children. With her, I loved her deeply, but there was always doubts of, would it last? So no, it was not an experimental thing.

Still to this day I see her around town, she gives me a smile, and I still have to smile back. Things are okay between us now. We don’t hardly talk, we never hang out, but there doesn’t seem to be any hard feelings there. I still care about her and hope that she’s happy and doing okay. She was my first love, and I will never forget her. I fell in love with a woman, was straight before, and straight after. It’s possible, because I lived it.