Non-heterosexuality is a touchy subject to discuss in many parts of the world; in the United States particularly, it’s feasible to get mixed reactions even while discussing it with friends or family.

Personally, I’ve always had a mild attraction to women since I was a small child. When I was about three or four, I remember feeling quite aroused when looking at the women in the lingerie section of the JCPenny’s catalog (we didn’t have anything better lying around). I didn’t think too much about it, I just knew that pretty, busty women were fun to look at. It wasn’t until I attended kindergarten that I knew I liked the male race. For me, female attraction was my first attraction.

Growing up in elementary school, I don’t remember hearing anti-gay sentiment in my household or in school. I just knew that I liked boys and girls and that was that. However, when I entered middle school, I started to hear the ever popular saying “that’s gay” from other students. I had no idea what “gay” was, so I asked my mother. My mother, a hyper-religious fanatic, told me that gays were violating the nature of god because they had sex with the same gender. The purpose of sex was to repopulate the earth, and because of their “abomination” they were angering god. I just accepted what my mother said, but at the same time I was confused because, of course, I had my own sexual attraction to women.

After doing some serious growing up, I came to terms with my homosexual tendencies and determined that gays and bisexuals were NOT evil just because they were sexually attracted to their own gender. As for the repopulation thing, there are plenty of straight people that have sex but take birth control, and for some reason, god doesn’t seem to hate them even though repopulation isn’t taking place.

This is an important intro to my own story that occurred at work recently. Most of my coworkers hear about my sexually liberal views at work and are just fascinated that I think the way I do despite my family’s background. I don’t talk about my personal sexual experiences, however, and if there are questions about my sex life, I just say ‘yes, I have an active sex life’ and keep it at that.

One of my coworkers asked about my sexual orientation though, and I had no problem indulging him. I don’t consider myself bisexual because I’m not ALWAYS attracted to women–honestly it depends on the day of the week. I told him that I’m straight with homosexual tendencies. He told me, ‘that’s so hot, I bet your boyfriends must love that.’ I just laughed at his comment, but for some reason I was irked by it. After thinking about it for a few hours, I figured out why it irked me.

Sex between women and women has produced a huge market in the porn industry. I personally prefer lesbian porn over heterosexual porn because there is actual concern for women to cum. However, porn has created a misnomer about bi and lesbian women–sex with their partners is supposed to be having entertainment value for men. I have no issue with publicized sex, but at the same time, there’s almost an expectation for bi women in our culture to engage in threesomes or moresomes, or to be more sexually deviant than their heterosexual peers, just so they can satisfy their male partners’ urges. I don’t have an issue with anyone who does, because after all, it’s what we do behind closed doors, but there should be absolutely no sexual expectations on an individual just because they enjoy having sex with both genders.

I am quite upfront with my partners about my sexual orientation, and I’ve had partners almost expect to introduce a woman during our sexual rendezvous. I personally have no issue having sex with multiple men during our trysts, but I have a hard time introducing another woman. For me, I would much rather have one on one sex with women, rather than have it with another male. I have no idea why, but those are my personal preferences. When I told my partners this, they were incredibly disappointed because I should be “freaky and down for that.” (Their words, not mine). I got angry because I shouldn’t be expected to do anything in the bedroom, except enjoy the attention that my partner was willing to provide me.

On that same line, I’ve had a few hetero friends tell me that they’ve been passed over for bi women because they were told that they were ‘vanilla and they wouldn’t be into anything fun.’ I was amused and hurt for them, because first of all, they were probably some of the kinkiest women I knew, and second, there was an unfair assumption made against them–the opposite of mine.

Of course, what I’ve learned from our experiences is that our sexuality was just that: it just meant who we would prefer fucking. Sexuality doesn’t say anything about what we are open to in the bedroom (or your fucking place of choice). Unfortunately, with so many individuals unwilling to open their eyes and understand that sexuality has little bearing to kinkiness level, women and men of all sexual preferences will be subjected to unfair stereotypes and blatantly misguided assumptions.