Something I’ve learned over the last few years, and perhaps in different ways ever since I started reviewing sex toys last year has been the subjectivity of sex. By this I’m referring to how sex is different. For everybody. The experience can differ depending on who you’re with, where you are and what you’re using, if you’re using any sex accessories at all.

Everybody orgasms differently, everyone’s body is different in shape, sensation, like and dislikes. It’s something that I have difficulty understanding however, how people think that if they like it, everyone else should as well. What I have absolutely no understanding of though, is how someone can feel that if they do not like it, then no one else should like it either.

For me, part of the joy of life is experiencing the differences between people. My partner and I wouldn’t have the amazing sex life we do if we didn’t have different interests. We wouldn’t have things to share with each other; experiences we’d like to see if are translatable into our relationship. Things we’ve always wanted to try previous partners haven’t been willing to.

I’ve noticed two main things that contribute to the differences. Anatomy and lifestyle. For example…

Anatomy: both my partner and I have each have pretty decent anatomical differences that lead to uniqueness for sex. With him, he’s uncircumcised. So having his foreskin leads to a lot of different sensations, things that are easier, things that are harder to do and also an insane need for lube. (Tears in foreskin are not fun…) Also contributing to the need for lube and adding to some difficulties is the fact that I have very thick outer labia. They can really get in the way sometimes, adding difficulty to penetration and having to hold them open to find my clit.

So while you now know some pretty intimate information about us, it clearly illustrates how things are just plain ‘ole different for us especially compared to a couple with a circumcised male and a female with small outer labia. Perhaps a more largely contributing factor though is:

Lifestyle: Lifestyle can include everything from vanilla versus D/s to religion. My partner and I are pretty vanilla, though we have a lot of sex. Very rarely do we use our restraints, though we enjoy using them when we do. We do not use whipping or cropping at all, but that doesn’t make it bad. It’s just not part of our sexuality. As I mentioned, we have a lot of sex, upwards of 7-10 times a week. Why? Because we enjoy it…well, actually we both get pretty crabby if we go more than 24 hours with no sex. (We once had to go 2 ½ weeks without sex. We had sex 4 times in 24 hours to make up for it lol) But that doesn’t make it wrong, or abnormal or weird if a couple only has sex 3 times a week.

What matters is that it works for you. So long as what you do works for you and your partner(s), so long as your needs are getting fulfilled and your wants are being honored, that’s what matters. Comparisons, especially when it comes to things as intimate as sexuality just doesn’t work. Considering how different things can be, as I illustrated before, really skews the outcome.

Besides, what does it matter? The fact that I get turned on by watching my partner urinate has nothing to do with your morals. Or the fact that people out there enjoy scat play has nothing to do with my morals. Just because it’s not right for me doesn’t mean it’s not right for them. If they get off with it, then so be it. It in no way affects me. Just as my partner liking to set records with how many times I orgasm in any given paly session has nothing to do with you.

Sex is subjective. A person’s likes and dislikes depend on so many factors it really should only matter to them and their partner. I really think a lot of people need to start worrying more about what’s in their bedroom, than what’s in mine. If they focused a little more on their own partner, focused a bit more on getting in touch with their own sexuality maybe then they’d have an easier time accepting others. Or… maybe they’d be having so much fun with their own they’d forget about the rest of ours!