Exploring sex at a young age is often times difficult. Young folks, like me, often have the barrier of living with family and working around them. I grew up in a sheltered home. I was involved with the chastity club in my high school days and I never did anything to get into trouble. I was always obeying my parents and doing as I was told. At seventeen that all changed for me. I began flipping through the channels late at night after mom and dad were well asleep and I stumbled across some soft core porn on HBO. I found myself feeling a bit odd. I had never experienced this feeling before. I slipped my hand down my stomach and into my pants and found that sweet nub of pleasure. I masturbated for the first time when I was seventeen years old.
From that moment I found that I had an insatiable desire to pleasure myself. I would rush home from school just to get that release. I remember vividly turning on Josh Groban, grabbing my highlighter, and going to town on myself. I always had the fear of my parents walking in on me because privacy wasn’t paramount in our house. They would walk in whenever they pleased and get angry with me because I was naked and changing clothes. Trust me. It was pretty messed up.
I moved away for college when I was eighteen and discovered that there was a sex toy store down the street from the dorms in which I resided. This was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I ventured in, shyly, for the first time and purchased my first vibrator. It was a small lipstick bullet and I instantly fell in love with it. I sat in the parking lot and got myself off with it without caring about who saw. I was in heaven and utter ecstasy. The innocent virgin who had always been such a good girl was slowly turning into a sex hungry vixen. I didn’t think I was a vixen at the time, mind you. I’ve since changed that opinion of myself.
Losing my virginity at eighteen opened me up to a new world of sexual pleasure. Granted, my boyfriend at the time was severely lacking in bed. Just because the cock is big does not mean he knows how to use it. I found that out with him and another boyfriend. I had issues, even after losing my virginity, of penetrating myself. I couldn’t get off during sex and I began to think that something was horribly wrong with me. I realized after that it wasn’t me at all, but my partners.
I moved home right before my twenty-first birthday and am continuing school at home. I moved back in with the family and my sex life has changed drastically. Before moving back home, it was easy for me to make a date for a hook up and make an excuse to tell my mother where I was. She wouldn’t know. She lived two and a half hours away from me. Now I have to tread carefully and filter just how much information I give.
The day I started reviewing sex toys also changed my lifestyle at home. My grandma is constantly asking why I am getting packages in the mail and I pass it off as stuff for school. After all, it’s reasonable right? In my mind it is. Despite the barrier of my family, though, I have managed to maintain a healthy sex life. How do I do it, though?
I use discretion. I always make sure that whenever the need for self pleasure rises my grandma is otherwise occupied and won’t bother me while I’m busy. I schedule sex toy deliveries for when I know she won’t be home. I keep my toys well hidden and my sex life an absolute secret from her. None of my family know of my boyfriend because, quite honestly, they wouldn’t understand the relationship a man and a woman can have when the man is married. They are highly against any form of polyamory whatsoever. He and I still manage to see each other when I go to visit him. It also helps that I have many alibis.
It is definitely hard and I dislike, greatly, that I have to sneak around with my sex life. My mother doesn’t want to hear of my sex life. Hell, she doesn’t even own sex toys. I didn’t believe her when she said she didn’t, so I went snooping. I found nothing. No wonder she’s so miserable all the time. Maintaining a healthy sex life can be done while living at home. Like I said, I hate that I have to sneak around with it, but it keeps me sane and functioning properly.
The main thing to keep in mind when trying to work around family and such is discretion. They may not particularly want to be involved in your life and that is one sure fire way to make sure that they do not get involved. Use your judgment on when you can satiate your sexual desire and your sex life can still shoot off to the moon, even with others around.
Leigh
Growing up I struggled with the guilt of having any kind of sexuality. It was a sin. In spite of the enjoyment that sex in any form gave me I felt trapped by the guilt. When I met my 2nd wife, she helped a lot and my sex life exploded, sometimes in a release of the guilt and sometimes with negative results. The key is I was able to explore and express and discover what worked for me without internal or external judgment.
Because of my lack of freedom in my life and understanding the impact an individuals sexuality has on their life, I’m raising my daughters to be more comfortable with the subject than I was raised.
The guiding principle is that everybody does it but it’s personal and private. I limit my sex talks to relationship and emotional impact from a male perspective (i.e. most boys are jerks and keep away), the mechanics are something that my wife discusses.
Do they have privacy? Certainly just as we expect privacy from them. And we hope that as they grow, they will ask the questions and discuss the issues they have with sex so that they can have the benefit of my wife and my experience and knowledge.
adriana
Sex was talked about in my house as the way to make babies. While my mother talked about condoms and such, our discussions were not in depth and they certainly never talked about the pleasure of sex and/or masturbation but I guess I had a natural physical urge and I’ve been masturbating since I was maybe 9. I never felt guilty about it or anything but it definitely was not a subject I was going to bring up randomly with mom, you know? I guess that is sort of what Leigh is saying – it’s not wrong but it is personal and while we mention sex in passing now (my mother and I), I just feel odd about experiencing the different aspects of sexuality in my mother’s home (although, she is not a great housekeeper and that affects it, too). As I face the idea of divorce, I worry about where I will wind up living and how that will affect my reviewing and masturbation but that bridge is yet to come.
.-= adriana´s last blog ..Intimate Accessories Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner =-.
seaofneptune
Ha ha, we never talked about it growing up at all. My parents would let me watch R rated movies and I was always intrigued by the sex scenes in them. I hit puberty at a young age and that’s when I first began experiencing any type of sexual pleasure. I never knew to masturbate using my hands, I just lied on my stomach and rubbed myself off on my matress. I would be embarrassed, I didn’t know what was going on with me and why I was so intrigued by it. When the time of the month first started for me, I had no clue or warning either. My family’s response to that was to take me to the library and check out a book for me to read. I learned about sex from my elementary school nurse when all the girls in my class had to sit and listen to her talk about puberty.
I still live at home with my family and my partner is living with us as well. It’s very hard for me at times because we have no privacy what so ever. When we first started dating a couple years back, he was the first boyfriend I had ever brought home because I liked him so much. I never brought guys home during highschool unless it was known that he and I were strictly friends. So when I finanlly did – my parents flipped a little. I was 21 years old and they would run in the second I closed the door to my room saying “You guys shouldn’t have the door closed.” It was so awful and I began to fight with my Mom because she wasn’t giving me or my boyfriend a chance. She automatically believed he would just get me pregnant and leave me the second he got a chance to be alone with me. It was hard and very tough and eventually we got past it.
Now, my partner and I are having to live with my family until he and I can afford to move out on our own. It really is a struggle, there is no privacy what so ever. I hate getting packages and having to hide what is in it as well. Sometimes, I’ll beat around the bush on what it might be or if it’s something simple like a massage candle. I’ll actually show it to people. It’s a little embarrassing because I don’t want to be open about my sex life with my family, not even some of my closest friends either. It’s really tough when my partner and I want to have our time together and the quietest place we can lay together is on the floor of my bedroom and we have to try not to make a loud peep. It’s not very liberating at all.
.-= seaofneptune´s last blog ..Best Smelling Massage Ever =-.