My husband was out of the house, and I was laying on the bed petting my rabbit when I learned something important about my sex life. I was petting my rabbit exactly the way he liked it, and like happy rabbits will do, he started “tooth purring” which is when they rub their teeth together to show they’re happy. The more I petted him, the more he purred – that is, until he’d had enough. Then, he nipped me and continued to lay there. I reached out to pet him again, and he lightly nipped me one more time. A light bulb went off in my head, and I realized what I needed to do with my husband. But alas – let me start at the beginning.

My husband and I have been married for 32 years now. For most of that time, our sexual relationship has been feast or famine, with our average sexual life being 20 minutes, once a week, where we would both orgasm once. Being the thoughtful lover that he is, my husband has always tried to take care of my needs first by massaging my clitoris.

About three weeks ago, we added sex toys to our marriage, and our play times increased to about 45 minutes twice a day. Why? Well for one thing, we discovered that I am multi-orgasmic, and I can have ten or more orgasms in a session. Something was awakened in me, and I needed to release it after all of these years. Suddenly, my back stopped hurting, and I was able to think clearly and not struggle with depression. I even had more energy for housework!

My husband didn’t worry about keeping up with me, because he did not need that much release. We found that he needed release about once every two days, so most of our efforts and energy were spent on me. We bought toy after toy, and I started buying pretty lingerie, because although I’m a plus size gal, I suddenly felt like a woman. It started out as the best of times…and led to the worst of times.

What had started as a more enjoyable way to express our love for each other became mainly a physical challenge. Both of us bought into the, “wow…wonder how many orgasms she can have this time?” mindset, and that became our focus. I was starting to feel like the toy, and like I had to perform.

Now let me share a bit about rabbits, because this is where my rabbit comes in. He lives in our bedroom and sleeps on the bed with us. He loves it when one or both of us pet him, and he’s very demanding of attention. But, unlike people who have to worry about hurting someone’s feelings, rabbits only care about themselves. They have two ways of communicating when they want attention, and when they don’t want attention. The first way is to nudge at another rabbit or a person. They will nudge your hand or leg or whatever to say, “Hi, I’m here. Pay attention to me.” If that doesn’t work, or if they get frustrated, they will then nip. Some rabbits will nip hard and others will nip softly. But they aren’t afraid to use their teeth to get the message across. Now, if a rabbit is shy about their relationship with another rabbit, they may run away instead of nudging or nipping, because they don’t have that comfort level with someone else.

As I laid on the bed petting my rabbit, I realized that he didn’t want to move or be away from me. He just wanted me to stop petting him right then. The attention was irritating him. He wanted to stay by my side and just be in my presence. To be honest, he truly didn’t care how he had to get the message across, because he knew what he wanted and he was comfortable enough in our relationship to nip.

I realized that I needed to “nip” my husband by talking to him and asking for a bit of time off from sex.

When my husband got home, I asked if we could talk, and I asked him to hear me all the way out before he answered. Then I said, “I love you, and I love our sex life and the way you wear me out. But I’m tired and worn out physically and emotionally. I’m struggling, because I’m starting to feel like I’m the toy. I don’t know about you, but I find myself thinking about all the different toys and positions and entering a play time thinking, ‘how many orgasms will I have this time?’ and it bothers me. Toys have gone from enhancing our relationship to becoming our relationship, at least for me.  Now if you need release, I want to help you and enjoy that. But I really need a break for 24-48 hours to let my body and mind rest. Will that be ok?”

I was shocked at his immediate, “Sure! I just wanted to please you.”

Now, I think saying “no” to sex worked as well as it did for a few reasons. For one thing, we have tried to build an honest and open communication style between us for years, and tried to learn to listen to each other. Because of this, I think he was open to hearing me out.

But the way I phrased things also helped him understand me. For example, I did not blame him for my feelings, and I acknowledged that I was making myself feel like a toy. I also stated that I wanted to make sure that HIS needs were met, because I didn’t want him feeling he was being dropped into the black hole of “sex once a week again”. I let him know that I enjoyed helping him and would love to do so. But I also did one other thing and that was, I gave him a time frame of how long I felt like I needed a break. This wasn’t for weeks or months. I just needed a day or two to work through what I was experiencing and feeling.

I’m sure you may be wondering exactly how this story ends.  Did we have to wait long? How did things change? Did we ever have sex again?

Well, later that night, I was laying in bed when I realized that I wanted to lay in my husband’s arms. We hadn’t slept like that in a few days – so I touched him, and rubbed his back and shoulders and he rolled over and gathered me in his arms. As he did so, my rabbit realized I was awake and came over to lay beside “mommy”. Both my honey and I reached out to pet the rabbit and show him we love him, and as I watched the rabbit continually nudge my husband for pets when he stopped, and would see my husband wake up a bit to pet MY rabbit, I thought about what a kind and generous and caring husband I have. My emotions started to focus back on my husband as a person rather than being a “boy toy” to help me enjoy sex.

I can’t tell you we had sex that night – because it was only last night. But I can tell you that after thinking about my husband for the last 12 hours, when he gets home I will nudge my bunny to make him get off the bed – no matter if he nips me. Why? Because its time to say “yes” again…and again…and again.