This is my response to Jul!a’s article, “An Ounce of Rape Prevention”. I see that it has caused quite a stir since the topic is so sensitive. Some people in the comments section felt that there was some bias going on, and that the advice given in her article was faulty.

I really do not want to antagonize anyone in my article, and I do not want to give advice that has been repeated time and time again in various writings. There are just too many exceptions, and giving prevention tips may help in some situations, but not help in others. Each case is unique, and the sad reality is that we will never be able to prevent the occurrence of rape completely, unless we live in a perfect world where these crimes do not exist.

So I thought the best thing I could do is to look at real life cases of “almost” rape, experienced by close friends and acquaintances. I want to share how they ended up in a dangerous situation, and what they did to be able to survive and prevent a potential rape. I admit that my advice would be faulty as well, but since they are in the context of real situations, we might be able to see how preventing a rape might work in real life.

Now before I start, I have a little disclaimer: I know that since I am not a behavioral psychologist or a detective, I cannot see all the possible outcomes of these situations. I am merely a regular woman, and these are my own interpretations of rape prevention, based on the stories I have heard. I also must note that because these stories are simply word-of-mouth, I cannot verify that they are 100% accurate since I am only hearing the side of the victims here, who are all people that I know personally.

I will also not name any of the people mentioned in this article. I want to protect their privacy, but I hope that sharing their stories will help other people, and perhaps prevent a potential rape.

Situation 1:

My grandmother’s maid typically worked from Monday to Friday and had her own quarters in my granny’s house. She got the weekends off and typically slept over at her boyfriend’s place, then returned on Sunday evenings.

One particular weekend, she had an argument with her boyfriend and was already running late. It was around 9 pm, and she had no money for a cab or a bus. Getting desperate, and with no where to go, she just stood there at the side of the street, wondering how she would get home. After a while, a huge red van stopped in front of her and offered her a ride. Inside was just one scrawny man in the driver’s seat.

Still frustrated with her boyfriend and stressed about getting home, she agreed to enter the stranger’s van. After telling him where she needed to go, she entered the back seat of the van. Feeling wary, she held on to the car lock on her side of the door to prevent it from locking her in. Sure enough, the man locked it the moment she shut the door.

The trip was spent mostly in silence, and the man did not really chat her up. Eventually, he did end up bringing her to my grandmother’s street, but not without whipping out his cock and telling her, “Let me score first”. Quick as lightning, she jumped out of the car, took her house keys, and ran into my grandmother’s house before the man could clamber out of his car. She slammed the door shut behind her, and he did not pursue her any further.

Now, in this case, it was her speed that saved her. She did not fumble with the car door, and she did not allow herself to be locked into the car. She managed to jump out, take out her keys, and unlock my granny’s front door without missing a single beat. Her pursuer was much slower in this regard, probably taken by surprise by her actions.

If you find yourself in this kind of predicament, it is important that you keep a level head and try to find an escape point. Once you find your escape point, try not to panic, so that you don’t lose time. Every second counts in these types of situations: do not trip, and do not stop running until you are sure that you are safe.

Situation 2:

This situation is a little similar to the previous one. It happened to my aunt’s friend, who also used to babysit me when I was younger.

My aunt’s friend used to work the graveyard shift at a call center and had no choice but to stay up late. She usually took a taxi when going home from the office, because she didn’t own a car and lived alone. She usually got off work at around 4 am in the morning, and the call center was located in a very busy part of the city that always had a taxi available no matter what time of the day it was.

One time, she was feeling especially tired from work. She called a cab, got in, but accidentally fell asleep, even though she did not mean to. Now, she knew that falling asleep in a public transportation vehicle was dangerous, but who hasn’t dozed off suddenly without realizing it?

She was roused from her sleep when she noticed that the cab had stopped. She was lying across the backseat, and the taxi driver was already by the side of the car, trying to get on top of her. She screamed and managed to push him off, kicking him hard in the crotch. When he doubled over in pain, she clambered out of the car and ran off into the street. He actually parked the taxi in an empty lot by the side of the road, but she was lucky enough to find that she was still in a familiar neighborhood.

When she had placed enough distance between herself and the taxi driver, she dashed into a convenience store that had a security guard stationed outside. She then called up my aunt to pick her up.

Now this little story follows some very basic rape prevention advice that crops up in a lot of articles: the importance of self-defense. Instead of freezing up, she struggled and managed to kick her assailant in the nuts, which is still a very effective way of temporarily disabling a man.

The moment she freed herself, she ran off to find some place safe, in this case, the guarded convenience store. She did not waste time trying to kick her would-be rapist a second time, or trying to retrieve her belongings. Once she had the opportunity to escape, she took it.

Situation 3:

This happened to one of my close friends. When he was only 11 years old, he and his mother lived in the house of a landlady whose rooms they rented. One part of the house was sectioned off to them, complete with their own kitchen, their own bedrooms, and a bathroom. Other than that, they were all under one roof.

Now the landlady had a son who was 15 at the time. My friend warmed up to him immediately, and they actually got along pretty well. They had already lived in the landlady’s house for about nine months before there were any incidents.

One night, he woke up to find the landlady’s son in his room. The older boy instructed him to keep quiet and then quickly pulled off his pajamas. He then proceeded to touch him. But when the older boy expressed the desire to have anal sex, he immediately pulled away and clearly said that he did not want to. After repeatedly refusing, the landlady’s son decided to just leave his room.

He never spoke to his mother about the incident, but from then on he kept his distance and always locked the door to his room. Fortunately, it never happened again, and to his relief, they eventually moved away to an apartment in the neighboring city.

Now this is a very touchy one, especially since both of the people involved were minors, and it included the very heavy topic of child sexual abuse. But based on his experience, it is apparent that clear communication can actually help prevent a rape. Yes, he was molested, but if he did not speak out to refuse the boy, it might have turned into full blown penetrative rape.

This is especially important for cases in which the potential rapist is someone that you know. You need to be able to look them in the eye and make your intentions clear. Communicate with them, and watch out for signs of danger or aggression. Some perpetrators actually feel that they have been “invited” to have sex, and simple friendliness is all too often mistaken for flirting. Of course, no one actually invites people to rape them, but an earnest “No!” might just be enough to save you.

To wrap this up, I have to repeat that none of the tips given here are foolproof. The cases above are all highly specific to my friend’s experiences, with a fair bit of luck factored into them, as well. Rape is a serious crime, and one of the most dehumanizing acts one person can inflict on another. While I don’t agree that prevention should be burdened by the potential victim alone, the sad reality is that we all have to adapt to be able to protect ourselves.

[box]What do you think? Let us know in comments or write a post of your own! We’d love to hear what you have to say.[/box]