I have never been a thin woman. I could never see myself in a size 2 dress, ever. Even a size 7 would make me feel that I was way too thin. Right now, I’m a size 13 and I stand 4’11″. I have dropped a dress size from starting my training for the 2012- 3 Day; walking 60 miles in three days to raise money for breast cancer research. I need to start training my tail off. But I don’t want to drop below a size 10. I don’t like the way I look when I’m that thin. But this wasn’t always the case.

I used to hate my size. I would diet and try all kinds of gimmicks to lose the weight. But to no avail. I did this for years and hated the way I looked. Part of this comes from the fact that I live in California, the plastic surgery capital of the world. And being a woman that is 100% natural, means that I have a harder time getting DJ gigs because because i don’t loom like a super model. It is crushing to be told you didn’t get the job because you’re not skinny and not hot enough.

Almost two years ago I was asked to DJ a nude kink show, and I was supposed to DJ in the nude. I wasn’t exactly thrilled with this idea, but it was an amazing gig, and I really wanted to do it.

I also had just had surgery on my lower back, and still had a huge bandage covering the open wound back there. I knew that was far from sexy looking, but I still did the gig.

I really was unsure about walking on stage nude. I had been having a lot of body image issues, at the time. I didn’t like my size and weight. But I still stripped down and walked out on stage.

It took me a few seconds to settle down on stage, and to be comfortable enough to perform, but I got there very fast.

After an hour of this, I was totally fine standing on stage, and performing in just my skin in front of a few hundred people. And by the end of my set, it all felt natural. I didn’t actually put my clothes back on until I was leaving the venue.

Since that night, I have performed without clothes many times. I’m doing this a number of times a year now.

But that first night let me know that even though my body isn’t perfect, it’s just fine, and it is as sexy as the next person’s body.

I know that I am now holding my head just that much higher after that first night of performing in the nude.