I’ve rarely been a person to deny herself pleasure. I’ve done some things in my past that I am not proud of anymore, in pursuit of said pleasure. And by “pleasure” I’m not just talking about sex, lol.
But sometimes it was about sex. Or food…..yeah a lot of it has been about food. Sometimes material possessions. But food, oh food. Yeah I’d say that about 60% of my inability to deny myself pleasure is about food.
And to be frank, it’s the pleasure from food aspect that has kept me fat and happy but unhealthy for so many years. If I wanted the decadence, the richness, the silkiness….I was going to have it, dammit, come hell or high water. Why? Because it was SO EFFING GOOD. Creamy, fat-laden premium ice creams and gelatos. Silky and sumptuous cream-reduction sauces. Gooey and sweet melted cream cheese in the form of a grilled cream-cheese sandwich. Good beef partnered with sauteed mushrooms and flavorful cheese. Oh god, Maine lobster dunked in clarified butter, I could swoon. Fat, glorious fat. It gives flavor, it gives divine texture. Food that you enjoy with every fiber of your being, food that makes you involuntarily say “Yummmmm” as you eat. Food being referred to as “better than sex”. Foodgasm, my favorite word. Food, glorious food. It makes mouths happy, it makes *brains* happy because of the endorphin rush or whatever. At least to me and those I call favorite people!
I’m so sorry, I just totally porned out on you all, didn’t I. Food…….food is my porn. Melty and creamy and silky and gooey and cheesy, these are my naughty filthy words. A friend of mine begs me to tell her about my breakfast/lunch/dinner if it was particularly indulgent; she says “talk dirty to me, honey”.
There was a point to this post, other than to make some of you hungry or some of you jealous of my mad cooking skillz and my refined palette.
My point is: how in the hell am I going to get healthy when I love food this much? All I see when I look at my near and (hopefully) temporary future of “healthy eating” is bland. Boring. Longing. Craving that which I can’t have – which leads me to binge and fall off the wagon. I don’t do well with moderation, I don’t do well with denying. All I see when I look at diet plans or healthy eating plans or whatever label they want to stick on it is a big world of no. No, you can’t have that. No butter! No white bread! Sugar!?! Heaven forbid! No food after 8pm. No more than X ounces. Weigh, measure, calculate and decide.
I realize that to so many of you reading this, you think I’m going about this all wrong. That I’m looking at the glass as being damn near empty. And I also know that there’s going to be some of you who are nodding and swooning with me, who nearly creamed their panties reading about my food porn up there. I guess I need a guru, a coach, a drill sergeant. I need to be taken by the hand and shown (fed) wonderful, tasty-to-me foods that satisfy my pleasure center without bursting my cholesterol and weight through the roof. I need to find a happy medium balance, where healthy foods exist that don’t lead to the seedy city of Falling Off The Wagon -ville.
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~Lilly~
maia stasia
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Until recently, I had no idea what real, good, nourishing food was about. Then I got to reading about REAL food, mostly on the blogs of lots of amazing women who have done tons of research, and you know what? You CAN eat the rich, wonderful things you love AND lose weight. They have done it. I have done it. Is every day or every meal easy? No, of course not. Not after having been told our whole lives that highly-processed things are healthy and/or desirable. But good, healthy food is absolutely out there, and absolutely tasty, and absolutely nourishing.
I credit Ann Marie from cheeseslave.com for getting me started on the right path. From there I found Kristen from foodrenegade.com, and a whole bunch of other really, really good people who know what they’re talking about. Go visit them. They can show you what good is. I had no idea.
Sarahbear
I know how you feel. I love food too. It’s a huge adjustment at first, but it’s a lot easier because you have such great cooking skills! I bought really healthy cookbooks with good sounding recipes. Weight Watchers has amazing substitutions in their recipes. Jillian Michaels has food in her cookbook that makes me think I’m eating rich. Once you start cutting out the bad stuff, your tastes start to change. I’ve got to the point where I can’t eat white bread. It makes me gag! The texture, the taste, it’s so bland and awful.
I do have indulgences every so often. That’s what it’s about. Making them less frequent, not getting rid of them. Baby steps. You’re making a lot of progress. =)