Living with PCOS has been a challenge over the past two years. What is PCOS you ask? PCOS is an acronym for Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. What this means is that I do not ovulate properly and that, in my case, I need more than the normal amount of estrogen pumped into my body. I need the added estrogen to counteract the copious amount of testosterone that is coursing through my body. Why do I have this? PCOS is still a medical mystery to a certain extent. There really is no definition as to why I have this, but I can explain it in my own terms and explain how it affects my day to day life.
My body produces more testosterone than it should. The last time I had my blood checked I had a ratio of about 7:2 testosterone hormones to estrogen hormones. This makes my life a bit more difficult in a lot of ways. One of the ways it makes my life difficult is that I do not ovulate properly. I am on birth control with a very high amount of estrogen to help balance out my hormones. Being on the birth control has helped me, greatly, in regulating ovulation and my cycles. I went about seven months without a cycle. I was not pregnant, so that was not a factor in my lack of menstruation. Once in a while, when I do ovulate and menstruate, it is horribly painful for me and can lay me up in bed for a few days. My doctor has worked with me on ways to deal with the pain, but I do suffer from time to time. Imagine your insides being set on fire and left burning nonstop for hours. That is what the pain feels like with the included horrible stabbing feeling from the inside. I want to leap out of my skin some months and make the pain go away. It doesn’t go away easily, but it does subside over time. I only experienced this kind of pain, though, when I first began treatment back a few months ago.
Another battle I face with PCOS is what the testosterone does to my body. I grow hair unnaturally and faster than most women should. I have to shave my face almost every day to get rid of the dark hair that grows on my chin. It is embarrassing to have love interests look at me, notice my chin, and tell me “I don’t want to date a dude. I’m out.” I deal with this almost all the time and it has only gotten worse over the past two years. I decided that plucking my hair off my chin wasn’t enough and it seemed as though it was growing back at a rather rapid rate. I decided to start shaving, much to my distaste. I also have to keep up with proper grooming. I shave my legs at least two times a week, my underarms twice a day, and my arms at least three times a week. I get hair on my feet and places I shouldn’t have hair. It disgusts me to think about it or to even see it. It also depresses me quite a bit. There are some days when I don’t feel like a woman at all, but a man trapped in a woman’s body. I hate it so very much as I have never, in my entire life, desired to be a man.
I suffer with a weight problem due to this syndrome. Weight plays a part in this and PCOS is often times found in women who tend to be on the heavier side. Not saying that all bigger women have this. There are smaller women who have this too. Every woman is susceptible to this syndrome. Weight gain is generally common with PCOS and it is very hard to lose weight. I have begun the battle of the bulge and I have started to win. My condition may be milder than some women, but the weight loss is helping with the PCOS a little bit at a time. Still, this is a risk and a side effect of this syndrome. It’s not fun. It really sucks just as much as it sounds.
I have had to face a tough reality in the past two years and it has not been an easy pill to swallow by any means. I have had to face the reality of having a hard time getting pregnant and possibly suffering with infertility when I do try to have children. I had to have my uterus lining biopsied to make sure there were no cancerous cells along it as the lining is horribly thick. That thickness makes it hard for an egg to latch on and wait to be fertilized. My doctor explained this to me during my ultrasound and also showed me my ovaries. My ovaries look like Swiss cheese with the cysts on them. I cried during my ultrasound and my doctor tried to comfort me. He told me then what the reality of this syndrome is and what it can do if it is not treated properly while I am young. While infertility is not definite, it can be with prolonged lack of care of my syndrome. I never dreamed I would run the risk of being infertile since I long for a family of my own one day and to go through a pregnancy or two. I may never get that and I have had to face that reality against my will.
Here are some links that explain the syndrome in more medical terms as well as define the symptoms of PCOS. If you feel that you have any of the symptoms listed by the two links below, please consult your physician. Be proactive in taking care of your body. You only get one chance and one body. Now is the time to care for it.
This is my story and my case alone. I speak from my experience with my case and it is not a generalization for other people’s individual case.
Links:
https://health.google.com/health/ref/Polycystic+ovary+disease
http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.cfm
Blinker
Thank you for writing this and sharing what you’ve gone through with PCOS. I have it too, and the same symptoms you described. I also have to shave daily and I can’t stand to have my lover touch my face or neck. He knows what the problem is and loves me regardless, but it still scares me, creeps ME out htat I have this. I am also slightly insulin resistant, and losing weight is hard for me. But PCOS is so hard to diagnose, especially if the patient is overweight. I’ve been told countless times that I have PCOS just because I’m overweight, even though the painful periods and facial hair began when I was 13. That if I dieted and exercised, everything would return to normal. Well, I eat about 1,000 calories a day and exercise for 30-45 minutes daily and it’s still so hard to lose weight to be healthy. I’ve had many cysts removed from my ovaries, and last February, I lost an ovary that was ravaged by a dermoid tumor.
I guess I basically want to say you aren’t alone, and I appreciate you coming out with your story. It will help other women who may be scared they have something wrong, but aren’t sure what. And you’re right, not only overweight women have this. Jillian Michaels, the trainer, also has PCOS and still grapples with it today.
*hugs*
Take care,
Blinker
redvinylkitty
First off, *MAJOR HUGS*.
I have PCOS too, although I am lucky to have escaped many of the problems you and Blinker are dealing with. I don’t have excess hair, my weight is normal, I still lose weight sometimes without even trying..
But I have cysts. Lots and lots of cysts in my ovaries.
I have had three cysts rupture so far, and it is so unbearably painful. 
It messes with my menstrual cycle, it causes horrible menstrual cramping all the time, even when I am not on my cycle. :/ I may not have a lot of the other side effects, but what I have acquired from this syndrome is a great deal of pain.
My doc thinks that in my case, PCOS was likely brought on by genetics, which sucks – because there’s really no way to reverse it.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you’re SO not alone.
*Mega hugs again!*
Redvinylkitty
Mord
Props to the author for raising awareness of PCOS and giving those of us who have it a chance to talk about it.
You definitely aren’t alone. Dealing with things such as excess body hair isn’t easy when it can cause so much embarrassment. But you shouldn’t be embarrassed. And your partners should be understanding of your situation. Just because you have a little bit extra body hair doesn’t make you ANY less of a woman. What defines your femininity is what is on the inside. You should never let others define it for you. You’ll find someone you want to be with who accepts you.
Ladies with PCOS have to be strong, much stronger than many people even know. And that’s an admirable quality and something to be proud of!
pik
I’ve had PCOS for years and have most of the symptoms you’ve described too. I finally manged to get over the weight issue – at least partially – by going back on the pill, which somehow reversed the weight gain I’d gotten from a combination of PCOS and medication for an unrelated condition. Still, I am quite a bit above my healthiest weight, and I might never get back there again.
The hair thing is a problem, I must admit. I used to absolutely hate my body hair and feel like less of a woman. Bracelets never looked quite right on my tiny little wrists topped with hairy “man arms”. And that awful thick happy trail… yuck!
BUT. A couple of years ago I decided there’s no point in continuing to hate the symptoms so much. Once I thought about it, I realized they’re part of me – they’re part of who I really am, ‘imbalance’ or not. I am a hairy woman. Why should I hate a part of myself that I cannot change? Other people’s opinions really get to me, of course – me being human and all – but ultimately they have nothing to do with me. Their opinions are their problems, not mine.
It no longer seems good or bad… it just IS. Realistically, there’s nothing I can do except shave more, pluck more and go on with my life. The negativity that creeps up on us all, especially when we feel so different from what society tells us women should be, only causes stress and makes things even more imbalanced in the body and mind.
You are as feminine as you feel inside. Hair has nothing to do with it, doesn’t make you any less of a woman or horribly ‘different’ from everyone else. You are a woman, through and through, and hair has nothing to do with it. (Repeat that to yourself about seventy million times and you might start to believe it!!)
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Kelly
I follow community news on yahoo..I want red…
Dusk
Thank you for writing this, honey. I’ve never known anything about PCOS, especially from the point of view of someone who is dealing with its ramifications every day. Thanks for sharing with us, and I hope that we can all be a source of strength for you.
~Dusk
Abbie
Thanks for sharing your story. Having PCOS is hard to deal with, but when more women come out of the PCOS closet and share their experiences, we’re all better for it.
I realize this post is a little old…and I was wondering how you;re doing with it? Have you started any drug treatments or a diet/exercise plan?
Mimi
Thank you for sharing this. I was diagnosed with PCOS last year, but there’s no definite time frame as to when it developed. The doctor thinks it’s probably something that began when I started ovulation, since I’ve never been ‘regular.’ Another red flag was when I suddenly put weight on without warning, and simply aren’t able to lose it.
The cysts are horrible.. The only time I get anything similar to a menstrual cycle is when one ruptures, and it can keep me in bed for days, if not the entire week, in so much pain. I’ve considered sharing my story with Eden, since every case is different.. But it’s painful.
I really hope everything is getting better for you!