According to Wikipedia, “packing refers to the wearing of padding or a phallic object in the front of a person’s pants or underwear, to give the appearance of having male genitals. Packing is commonly practiced by trans men, and people who cross-dress as male may also ‘pack’ to do drag king performances.”

Well, that’s all very well and good (and correct), but Wikipedia (and various other online sources, not to mention many people in the real world) seem unaware of the fact that trans men and cross-dressers are not the only ones who pack. How do I know this? Well, simply because I am one of the non-trans, non-cross-dressing ones. Packing is something that has fascinated me (and, let’s face it, turned me on) for most of my sexual life.

Right off the bat, I would like to say that in writing this article I am trying desperately not to step on any toes. I know that packing is a huge aspect of life for many trans men, especially those who are pre-op or non-op, and I appreciate that. I don’t ever want to make it seem as though those of us who practice packing as a fetish are trying to co-opt a major part of life as a trans man. It’s just that I’ve discovered there is very little information out there for those of us who do it just because we think it’s hot. And there’s next to nothing out there in terms of personal experiences.

That’s where this article comes in (or at least, I hope it will!)

One of my earliest (sexual) memories is pilfering the Sears catalogue at the age of eight or so, to hole up in my room and pore over the pictures of well-built men in tight-fitting briefs. I was totally fascinated by the sight of those bulges, and wondered what one would feel like. Let’s just lay it out on the table here, folks: The pictures made me horny. Of course, I had no idea what that meant at the time, or even what I could call the feelings I was having while I looked at those pictures – but that’s the only way to describe it. Those pictures provided fodder for my early masturbation sessions. Yes, eight might be a tad early, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, you know?

A few years later, I had moved on to actual porn, and was well versed in what a naked man looked like. While I found the sight arousing, to be perfectly honest, I was never quite as aroused by a fully naked man as I was by a man sporting a good bulge in a pair of briefs. I still wondered what that would feel like, and I soon discovered that I didn’t necessarily need a man around in order to find out.

And so began my initial forays into the art of (rudimentary) packing.

At that stage in my life, I obviously had limited resources to work with. After all, I was only a teenager, and even if I’d had access to the Internet at that point, I wasn’t old enough to order any kind of genuine packing device. So I used what was handy.

The first time I slipped a small bundle of rolled-up socks into the crotch of my panties, I was totally, 100% hooked. I gazed at myself in my full-length mirror and was unbelievably turned on by what I saw. Fondling my “bulge”, I became aroused in a way I had never experienced before. It was me in the mirror, only better. I practiced adjusting my bulge, trying to get it just right, admiring myself from every angle. I experimented with different sizes, went hard some days and soft on others, but no matter the variations, it always ended the same way – with me lying on my back playing with myself until I brought myself to an intense, body-shaking orgasm.

Let’s fast-forward a bit now (because, while I could wax eloquent about my teenage adventures in packing for days, I doubt you all have the desire to read through it all!) When I became a legal adult, I decided that rolled-up socks just were not going to do the trick anymore, so I turned to the Internet for help in trying to find a more realistic alternative. That’s when I discovered that, hey, I wasn’t the only female-bodied person out in the world looking for a cock to call my own.

But here’s the downside to finding out that there are, indeed, other packing enthusiasts out there: I still feel like an outsider, because the vast majority of what I find about packing (even online) caters to trans men and cross-dressers. I don’t fit into either of these groups and don’t particularly want to. (No offense intended whatsoever!) I am a cisgendered woman. I damn well love my cunt (we’re BFFs!) and wouldn’t want to give it up for anything in the world. I identify as female, and am perfectly comfortable in the body with which I was born.

I just happen to like owning my own cock.

There are very, very few people who know about my fetish. No one in my real life knows; I’ve never told a sex partner, and I’ve definitely never told family members or friends. And even in situations where I have told people online, (in chat rooms and such) the response has always been to assume that I’m trans, or a drag king. I understand why people make those assumptions, I suppose, but it’s still sort of minimizing to know that my fetish is not recognized as having the potential to simply be a fetish. My packing, after all, does not serve any “practical” purpose.

No, my turn-on is simply the idea of having my own secret hiding between my legs. I’m not doing it to get anyone hot but myself. I don’t feel as though I “belong” in any one group that practices packing. I just fucking love to pack, period. I love the feeling, I love walking around with this warm weight between my legs that is foreign and familiar to me at the same time. And when I get home after being out in public all day with “my little secret”, I can hardly wait to strip down so I can fondle and squeeze and stroke my dick until I’m rewarded with what I know will be a mind-blowing orgasm.

Is that so hard to understand?

image from Kayla