I have noticed a disturbing trend while speaking with my single friends recently…. It seems that while they constantly express their elation at finally being free from their last relationship disaster, they are all too eager to jump into the next one. “Now Emma!” you say, ” Why are you being so pessimistic? Who is to say that their next relationship won’t be fantastic, and end in happily ever after.” Well, I am. I do not consider myself to be pessimistic either. I watch these people who I love,  as they are sucked into the relationship trap over and over again. I see them protesting their need for a partner, and then impulsively jumping into bed with the next person who says so much as “Hello” to them. I don’t consider my friends to be stupid people, but the mistakes that I see them making, and the one that I made for so many years is this: They are equating the end of a relationship, with the opportunity for another one. I mean, sure the commitment is gone. But no, you do not have to fill the empty spot in your bed. You know who should be in your bed? YOU.

The biggest cause for failure in relationships, as far as I have seen, is that the people in them don’t know who they are, or what they want. I mean, how can you possibly communicate what you want if you don’t even know? It’s just not possible. People seem to be completely disconnected from themselves these days. I think it starts in high school, when most of us are made to feel like we are completely sub par human specimens. We strive to prove ourselves in all kinds of ways; whether we are attempting to prove our individuality, and that we don’t care what others think, or conversely, desperately attempting to fit in, or fly under the radar of peer criticism. From there we become the casualties of our new and uncontrollable sex drives. We are drawn to the opposite sex, and often shocked when they respond positively to us. When we are not focusing on our throbbing sex organs, we are moving forwards in our career paths, trying to stabilize or establish ourselves as independent individuals. Some of us begin careers, and others have children who will be the center of their attention and focus for years to come. What we DON’T do, is stop, and think about who we HAVE become, and who we WANT to become. We don’t know what we like, we haven’t established our standards for what we want, and expect, from our friends and family members, from our partners. We haven’t considered what we are willing to sacrifice for love, and what we are immovable on. So often people give up things that they desperately want. They suffer through tremendous disrespect; they live in relationships that are completely unstable and unbalanced, either for fear of losing their significant other, or for fear of being single.

What I want to know is, “What is so scary about being single?” It gives us a chance to catch up on all of the things about ourselves that we have been completely missing out on. Things about ourselves that we didn’t even know existed. Do you know how many women I know who have been having sex for 5 years, for 10, for 20, without discovering their G-spot? What woman can you think of that does NOT want to know where their G-spot is? The sad thing is, so many of us just figure, “Meh, sex is ok now, I am more concerned with making my partner happy.”  WHAT?!?! What are we THINKING? You know what will make a great partner happy? Knowing that YOU are happy.  You know what will make you happy? Seeing your partner happy, and knowing that the both of you are helping each other move towards all of your goals and aspirations, not away from them. The only way to be able to ensure this, is to take some time to figure out what they are, and who YOU are, and what you are looking for, BEFORE you jump face first into the next relationship with no foundation, and no expectations outside of the hope that the other person doesn’t end up being a complete asshole.