I was asked recently whether there was anything someone could say about gender or trans issues that would offend me. I actually thought it was a really interesting question and ended up thinking quite a bit about it. What I ultimately realized was that there was virtually nothing someone could say about trans people that would offend me. I almost immediately realized how much of a problem that was.

I started by asking myself what it really meant to be offended. I realized that it wasn’t a word I had an easy definition for, so I went ahead and looked it up. The dictionary, among other definitions, defined offensive as “repugnant to the moral sense or good taste,” as well as “highly irritating.” I think my own understanding of the word is a combination of these two elements: something has to be not only morally objectionable but also personally relevant, and therefore upsetting to me, in order for me to say I am offended.

The truth is, at this point, I’m not particularly upset very often. It’s not that I can’t recognize that transphobic people are ignorant, and that their comments are morally objectionable, but the second piece—the personal upset—isn’t really there for me anymore. I think it must have to do with the fact that others’ judgment of me is so irrelevant to my life as to be practically meaningless. That is, I have a job in which I’m not afraid of being fired for being trans. I generally spend time in trans-affirming communities, and I have many people willing to fight for me if ever I were to experience discrimination. And even if I do catch some flack for my gender history, I have lots of other things going for me—I’m a white, financially secure, educated man. I’m therefore exceptionally prepared to deal with the damage from such an incident.

My lack of offense, though, is clearly a problem, and something to work on in the future. It’s a problem because the kinds of experiences that make me jump to action were the ones that hit me on a more personal level. As a result, I suspect that, over time, my lack of personal offense in the face of transphobia will make me less inclined to actively fight to end it. Indeed, I would argue (and I’m certainly not alone in this, or the first to suggest as much) that this is a larger issue common to most trans men. Trans women often don’t pass perfectly and therefore not only transition into the normative indignities of sexism but also continually experience transphobia. Trans dudes who pursue a medical transition (hormones, surgeries), in contrast, often avoid much of that transphobia because they typically pass well, as well as transitioning into male privilege.

So in this holiday season, my latest resolution is to start being offended more. I want to remember, on an emotional level, not just an intellectual one, that transphobia continues to exist in the world, and that we all need to do our part to eliminate it. Happy New Year to everyone, and good luck on fulfilling whatever your own resolutions might be!