Society tells us that to idolize or worship is to be reserved for those not of earth. And yet from birth we are taught to do these things. Mothers covet their sons, and fathers covet their daughters, and when they grow up, some crave this worship. It’s fresh on their breath like a mother’s breast milk. And some of us seek one on this earth to worship, because in our hearts we feel we were made for this purpose. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I asked my former Dominant this once, and was told that it was only natural for me to idolize and worship her. She explained that the feeling was as it should be. And I chose not to argue, because she gave me the answer that I had always longed to hear.
But where does this need come from? Is it taught, learned, or just expected and simply done? For me, it invaded my space like a stranger who ventures too close. It happened without warning, without prompting, without words. Before I could analyze it, the feeling took over my being.
What do Gods do? They protect, they deliver, they save, they teach, they chastise, but first and foremost, they connect with something within you that goes deeper than your soul.
I went on an internet search regarding worshipping. I typed in, “Why do submissives’ worship”. What came back to me was a plethora of information on worshipping poses, types of worship-erotic body and submissive body worship, porn videos, personal ads, and spiritual leader advice. What I didn’t find on the first page of Google was what in us, or me rather, makes me crave to worship.
Now let me be clear. It is not a feeling that overtakes me at every turn. It is something that has only invaded me once. And having tasted it, I long for it to grace my being once again. I almost feel ashamed saying that it happened once, and I want it again. It obviously means that the one I once worshipped is no more, and makes me feel like a failure. It makes me feel like I am not worthy and appear this way to others. In my heart, I know the truth. However, in my soul, I cannot shake it.
This one made me feel this way because she spoke to my dark in a way that no one had. For her, I shed my mask and showed my nakedness. She helped me to face my secret demons and expose them for what they were. She also made me feel normal. It sounds funny when I say it, “normal”. All my life I have held on to the title of abnormal, so why would I crave to feel normal. But it wasn’t that. She made my kinks, fetishes, and thoughts feel normal, so that I would not hide from them. She exposed me to a world where others like me roamed. So, of course, during our journey I wanted to worship her. I cried fighting it. But when I shared this with her is when she told me that it was to be expected. So what happened? She did not show me her truth, and in the end used my “tastes” to solidify with her friends that I was crazy and dark. The truth…she was a lie, even to herself.
So this has got me to thinking about the whole idea of it all. Worshipping. Was I wrong? No, I don’t feel that I was. It was what she represented that spoke to my submissive mind. Her “false self” accepted me for what I was, and to repay her for this gift I gave her me on bended knees and lowered head.
Until this day it is hard for me to separate the lie. My soul only knows that she was my Lord. Before her, I had never spoken of my age-play fantasies or edge-play lust. And now it has hit me, as I write. She sent me her representative, and what she represented spoke to me. And it was worthy of being worshipped.
This thing that I am, this submissive nature…I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that I wanted to be this way. It found me. I have always said that a submissive does not choose to be, it chooses her, and if she is lucky she will find the one she was made for. Gender, nationality, location, and all the other little dating site preferences matter not. When the “one” crosses paths with his or her sub they both know. And one day, the sub will be forced to worship and not by his or her Dominant, but by pure unadulterated need.
Worshipping goes beyond the act of kissing one’s feet, or bowing to their presence. Worshipping is the overwhelming need to do simply that…worship. It happens slowly at first, tiptoeing through your thoughts. Then it blows through like a world-wind, and brings you close to tears. You will not want to sleep, eat, awaken, live, or breathe without their permission. And it is natural.
Of Loving Other Gods…
Smokedawg
I’m not a submissive myself (though I find appeal in certain aspects of it at times), but from a “spiritual” standpoint, let me say that you’re not likely a “failure.”
That you no longer worship your former Dominant neither means you were inadequate in your attentions nor that she was a “false god.”
Sometimes, a relationship of worship is a transitory thing. It can be powerful, but sometime more like an alliance than a lifetime commitment. We can love many, and we can also worship many…though probably not very many at one time.
Spoken Pandora
I love this…”We can love many, and we can also worship many…though probably not very many at one time.” Thank you for these words. Til this point I had felt that I would never worship another despite my want and need.
Deep down I do not believe that I am inadequate because of my former. But even deeper within myself it has made me question myself. The truth of the matter is that it takes two no matter what type of relationship we are in. After your words I no longer feel ashamed to say that in my eyes she is my Lord despite and I submitted just the same and neither of us were wrong…
Thankyou
Silverdrop (@SilverdropUK)
“she spoke to my dark”
What a powerful line. I understand immediately what you meant by that. I hope one day you find an object of worship that is worthy of you.
Spoken Pandora
Thank you Silver. That line was powerful for me to write especially because I know its depth. One day I will find another…I hold out for that…I must
Kristi
I’m a bit confused by your use of “covet” in this:
“Society tells us that to idolize or worship is to be reserved for those not of earth. And yet from birth we are taught to do these things. Mothers covet their sons, and fathers covet their daughters, and when they grow up, some crave this worship.”
I fail to see the connection between covet and worship here. Will you please clarify?
Spoken Pandora
When we covet we desire something in a way that one might find wrong. To keep that object in our grasp we will do and say anything and at times, if this object is a person will will created a space that a person will not want to leave. In creating this space we make this “thing” the object of our desires and pay homage to it. It is my feeling that parents, at times, do this to their kids without regard. A child may process this act as being worshiped. They are put on this pedestal and almost idolized.We are told that it is wrong to covet just as we are told to worship mortals is wrong. In my mind I see them one as the same because the perception by the one who is being coveted or worshiped may be the same especially in the eyes of a child. I could have used idolized but the strength of the type of worship that I am referring to goes beyond this and needed a powerful word that too is looked down upon. Coveting, in my eyes, was this term and what spoke to my heart.