I used to be the other woman, but I decided that life is not for me. Living life as a girlfriend to a married man who obtained another girlfriend as well during our relationship was not for me. There were many factors that played into me deciding that polyamory is not for me, though it is for some. Honestly, living the way I did in the relationship I was in grew increasingly harder every day for me when it didn’t have to. Why? Several reasons why, to be honest.
First of all, I realized that I would never ultimately gain what I want in life. Ultimately, I want the dream most girls have when they’re little of the big wedding, the white picket fence, the loving husband, and two and a half kids. I do want that and I made myself believe that I truly didn’t want that. I lied to myself and to my best friend, though she saw through my words and saw my real emotions through my facial expressions when she would ask me if that was what I truly wanted, a life with no children, no marriage, and just as a girlfriend. I realized that I was compromising my wants, hopes, and dreams for the moment, for something that may last a few years and fizzle out when my time has run out to obtain my dreams.
Secondly, it was growing harder to keep our relationship under wraps from my family. I wanted to tell them I was enthralled with a wonderful man who cared about and for me in amazing ways. They would never understand, in a million years, how I could be in a relationship with a married man 5 years my mother’s junior. Both he and his wife would have been shunned from my family and they would have most likely disowned me. There are certain lines that you don’t cross in my family. Polyamory is one of them. My family is very closed minded and, while I am open minded, I still think of what is best for my family’s health, growth, and unity. My family comes before any relationship I have with another person, plain and simple. When that relationship begins to interfere with our interaction, it becomes a problem for me. Our relationship did become a problem because I was living a lie to my family and I hate lying to them.
Thirdly, I realized that polyamory is not for me at all. I crave monogamy, something I would not obtain in a poly relationship. I want my partner’s attention, his love, devotion, loyalty, and everything else that a primary partner gets. I was settling for receiving part of his attention, devotion, and other such things. Not that I minded sharing since I knew what I was getting into, but it still hurt me to know that I would never have the things I really wanted in life if I maintained the relationship I had with him.
Realizing all of those things, he and I both came to a mutual understanding and agreement to end our relationship. He wants me to have all the things I deserve and want out of life. While neither of us truly wanted to end the relationship, it had to happen. It was the best decision for both of us and our well being. Breaking up is never easy, whether it’s a poly situation or not.
Our relationship as a whole taught me a lot about myself and what I really do want out of life. I am still t at a point of uncertainty at my age, but I have a better insight. I realize now that I cannot be in a shared relationship and that I want and need to be in a solo, monogamous one. I realize now that I was compromising me and my desires for someone. I realize now that I changed a lot during that time and I grew up in certain respects. I have a better understanding and grasp of me, though I still am on shaky ground with growing up. I still have much exploration and such to do in my life, but for now at least I can firmly say, and understand, what it is I ultimately want as an end goal.
I am no longer the other woman and it feels rather good to say so.