One time I pushed a 7 lb. baby out of my vagina.

Not only that, but I took the typical American route of childbirth and went to the hospital, got an epidural, lay on my back, had an episiotomy (a surgical incision in the perineum made to enlarge the vagina and assist childbirth), and had my baby vacuumed out of me. (One thing I didn’t experience was a C-section.) If all this sounds whack to you, I highly recommend you read Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf and watch The Business of Being Born.

This was absolutely one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I have no idea how women do this more than once. It is one of the only times I have literally seen stars and fainted. The doctor stitched me up down there ala Frankenpussy.

After they took the urinary catheter out and my epidural wore off, I went to the bathroom. You know how you can stop and start the flow of urine? To my horror, the pee fell out of me. I had no control over it whatsoever. I wept. They gave me warm compresses to put on my traumatized pussy and told me not to have sex for six weeks.

Breastfeeding pretty much killed my sex drive, but we did have sex a month or two after I gave birth. And guess what? It hurt. The episiotomy scar was raw and intense. I kept waiting for my sex drive to return and for it to stop hurting during sex. Several times I thought I was broken forever, and that I’d never enjoy sex again like I did before. Dark times, people.

It took a year, but I finally fully healed and reclaimed my body (I breastfed for a year). I do my Kegel exercises and even have a vaginal barbell. The whole point of this post is to let all you new moms and dads know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not sure if childbirth has something to do with it or if it’s just me sexually evolving, but I’m more orgasmic and love fucking more than ever.

Just don’t get me pregnant, OK?


  • Dangerous Lilly

    If I had any doubts before? So do not want this childbirth thing. No thank you.
    .-= Dangerous Lilly´s last blog ..Limited Edition Devine Playchest =-.

  • The Beautiful Kind

    Parenthood is not for the faint of heart!
    .-= The Beautiful Kind´s last blog ..The TBK Saga: An Extraordinary Sunday =-.

  • Raven Quince

    In some ways childbirth healed my sex drive. I realized when I went off the pill to conceive that my previously flat drive started fluttering back to life. By the time I got pregnant many months later, I was a raving horny woman. Thankfully, my recovery was swift and my drive has been on a slow ascent ever since. For me, by pure virtue of getting me off the pill, having a child revived my sex drive.
    .-= Raven Quince´s last blog ..Laughing Furry =-.

  • Airen

    OMG I am so sorry your birth experience was so horrible! I’ve had three now and might consider one more though I dunno pregnancy and I don’t get along. I am curious why you were forced to have a urinary cath? I had to have an episiotomy with my first though it was small and required only 3 stitches (my babies are always around 5 lbs only so not too bad). The cath is what traumatized your urethera and made you have no control over urination. Not all birth experiences are like this, you need to educate yourself on what is available. Most troubled first births are caused by an over use of pitocin and a disregard for natural rythms in the birth process. Still, I guess I’m a bit of a masochist cause I’ll probably do it again before my “time” runs out! LOL

    • Sarahbear

      I had to have one too with my epidural. I asked for it to be taken out because I could feel it, but they just upped my medicine in my epidural. They told me that it was because a full bladder slows down labor, and I couldn’t get up to pee or feel when I needed to so they had to keep it in the entire time to keep my bladder empty. Since she had an epidural I’m pretty sure that’s why.
      .-= Sarahbear´s last blog ..Review: Orgasm in a Box (His) =-.

      • Airen

        That’s odd because with my son (in Nov of last year) I had an epidural and no mention was made of a cath…not that I would have allowed it which might be why it wasn’t brought up. I have a restricted urethera and it causes massive infections to me to be catheterized, or maybe medical thought has changed? Either way it sucks hardcore that your birth experiences were more unpleasant than they could have been.

        On that note I met a woman who had orgasms about every three contractions the whole time she was in labor…she laughed and understood when I said I hated her guts! Apparently this is fairly common…the orgasm thing not the hating.

  • Katy Kalysta

    I’ve been through it three times, and each recovery has driven up the libido…age? Now I’m fixed thank goodness cause I too enjoy to f. I loved this post. Can’t wait to watch Tthe Business of Being Born”.

  • Sarahbear

    I had an episiotomy with my first. It’s been over seven years and there are times when I still get twinges of pain there. It’s like the scar tissue doesn’t lubricate during sex. If we’re having sex and he leans backwards (him on top, missionary style) and puts pressure on it, it hurts.

    Warm compresses? Ugh. I got hospital gloves filled with ice and I begged for them. They felt so good on the episiotomy and it really helped with the swelling. After the first day? Those sitz baths (hot, hot water in a bucket you could sit in with a couple asprin dissolved into it) or the betadine rinses. I also bought a massive container of Tucks pads and kept changing them out on that scar.

    It seems like there is so much that they don’t tell you about pregnancy. While I still feel like it was worth it to have my four babies, I hate that motherhood and pregnancy is so romanticized. There are times when it really, really sucks.
    .-= Sarahbear´s last blog ..Review: Orgasm in a Box (His) =-.

    • Airen

      Hear hear…they tell you all about the pain in excruciating detail but don’t tell you how to cope with the aftercare your body needs. That and the emotional crap they put on women, if you don’t bond instantly your baby will be a sociopath was my favorite. Now I tell first time mothers that bonding is a process…you fall in love with your baby, it doesn’t always happen instantly. You have to relax and let it happen in it’s own time.

  • Dangerous Lilly

    *runs away screaming whilst covering eyes and ears*
    .-= Dangerous Lilly´s last blog ..Limited Edition Devine Playchest =-.

  • The Beautiful Kind

    Raven Quince, I love that being a mother helped you rediscover your sex drive! Hormone birth control is insidious! I have a friend who was able to female ejaculate after giving birth the second time, yay!

    Airen, I read up on natural childbirth and had my birthing plan in front of me, but went from zero to terrified in the hospital. My doctor (she was 8 months pregnant btw) didn’t ask me for permission to do her thing, she just went ahead with the procedures. I wish I had a doula. Once you get that epidural, you are immobile.
    .-= The Beautiful Kind´s last blog ..The TBK Saga: An Extraordinary Sunday =-.

    • Airen

      Ya for me the second child was the best experience. I could walk and it was so much easier to do it ‘natural’. With my first and third the time frame was all wrong and had to have pitocin. For me the epidural was a breeze but it loosened my lower back muscles destablizing my pelvis (I have a hair line fracture in my pelvis) causing me horrible pain and a long recuperation. If I do this again my Doc already knows my thoughts on pitocin (during stage three I yelled my opinion in colorful terms).

      A slave is a wonderful birthing companion (Doula is greek for body slave :D ) someone who can insist on your birth plan while you are freaking and third staging is a Godsend. For me that was my Mom with my first and second child. With my third I ordered the nurse over the protestations of my husband and the baby’s father (I told her that they weren’t in the bed pushing a watermelon out their nostril. If they were willing to put their balls in a visegrip I’d be willing to forgo the epi!) I am such a joy when the hormones kick in.

  • Jenn

    I’m dismayed at what women routinely put themselves through. Ladies, nothing is more important during pregnancy than EDUCATING YOURSELF on your choices. I was fortunate to have a relatively easy delivery, even if the labor was long (3+ days) and hellish. Twenty minutes, a dozen or so pushes, and my daughter was out — no rips or tears, no damage to my bladder or pelvic muscles. My son was born via c-section (necessary, as he was sideways in my uterus), and no damage or complications from that, either.

    I’m also fortunate that my sex drive has been just as intense after children as it was before. I wish all women could have an easy time of getting back into the swing of things!

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