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M/s : Honorifics

A while back, I heard a rumor. Someone thought it was absolutely abhorrent that I am required to call M “Master” when speaking to or about him, and that I’m usually required to capitalize “he” and “him” when I’m writing. Today, while trying to pick a topic to discuss here, I thought about that comment and thought to myself, Self, why not explain the benefits of honorifics in a master/slave relationship. And self thought, Now that’s a good idea.

Too much coffee. I blame M.

What’s funny about the “capitalization of pronouns that have no business being capitalized” thing is that it didn’t start as a respect thing, even for us. It just sort of morphed into that over time.

It started with user names. Dominants would capitalize their user names, and submissives would lowercase theirs. It was mainly used as a way to know, at a glance, who in the chat room was dominant and who was submissive. A sort of visual “a/s/l?”, if you will, only it answered the question “d/s?” instead. At some point, it became about one being above the other, which eventually expanded into capitalizing pronouns, and, after that, S/slashy S/speak T/to B/be S/sure T/to I/include E/everyone I/in T/the R/room.

Don’t ask me which chat network it started with. I bet M could tell you. He’s an internet dinosaur.

And yes, I realize this method leaves out switches. I’m sure if there were something in between capitalized and lowercase letters, the internet would have used it to denote switches. Most of the switches I knew just adjusted their user name according to whether they were feeling top-y or bottom-y that day. Some had whole different personas for when they were feeling top-y or bottom-y. They were usually mostly roleplayers, though some of them just preferred keeping those sides of themselves completely separate.

People got much less offended by being labeled back then.

“Back then” as if it were a hundred years ago. Though, I suppose, in computer years, seven years is a hundred years.

(I always stare out the window when I’m thinking. My eyes go out of focus and I don’t even know what I’m looking at. When I come back from my reverie, I find someone noticing me staring in their general direction and wonder if they think I’m staring at them. How embarrassing.)

These days, just as many people get irritated by seeing or hearing honorifics being used as people who demand it. Whether or not they have children, they don’t use titles at all, and, in some cases, the idea of using titles offends them.

I’m required to call M “Master” at home or in like-minded company, like at a play party or an event. The only time I’m allowed to call him by his name is in public at the store or some other “vanilla” setting. And even then, I’ve taken to calling him “Babe”, or “Love”, or something of the like, to avoid calling him by his name. He’s never said it, but sometimes I feel like calling him by his name is disrespectful. I’m sure his rules have fostered this belief. And because he requires I use the honorific (I’m not allowed to call him “sir”.) when we’re alone, calling him by his given name would be disrespectful. It would be outright breaking a rule.

But what purpose does it serve?

The short answer is that it teaches me I am beneath him. And once taught, it reminds me of my place.

If I’m to be honest, I have to say that I really don’t care one way or another. I mean, I know my place in life. It’s at his feet, preferably on my knees, my cheek being rubbed raw by our indoor/outdoor carpet. Whether that makes me a slave, or a slut, or a pig whore, or the hated “C” word, or human property, or Santa Claus, all that matters is I know my place. I know what’s required of me. I know what I’m allowed to do. And I know where I belong. So what difference does it make what anyone calls me?

M likes to be called “Master” by his property. It draws a distinct line between him and her. It’s one more way of making pristinely clear to anyone in ear shot who’s in control. But he’s not so naive that he believes this alone will make him a master in other people’s eyes. And he’s not so arrogant that he believes anyone but the one(s) he owns should address him in this way unless their owner requires it.

I’m required to ask dominants what they would like me to call them. I’ve gotten the ever-amusing, “Just don’t call me late for dinner!” a time or ten. Silly dominants all think they’re so clever. Either that, or this suspicion I have that they’re all goofy bastards is true. O.o

M’s of the mind that, as property, I’m beneath other dominant people, just as I’m beneath him. But that simply means I should try to maintain a respectful demeanor, not that they have the right (or inclination) to boss me around.

I still find myself feeling all sorts of small and intimidated when speaking with dominant people, regardless of their lack of control over me. Especially ones like M who just have that certain air about them. Not so much an arrogance as a honed ominousness. And I’m not talking about the overly-dramatic vampy types. The dominant people of whom I speak need no theatrics. You can just feel it when they walk into a room. The kind that make even the alpha-est male want to take a knee and call them “Sir”. I’m often compelled to call them “Sir” or “Ma’am” before even thinking about asking them what they’d like to be called, and then left feeling silly if they don’t like honorifics.

But I’ve not seen one, yet, who wasn’t flattered to hear “Yes, Sir.” accidentally spill from a submissive’s lips before she had a chance to ask. And then puff up a little bit when she asks and falls all over herself to apologize if she was out of line. I mean, can you imagine the ego boost?