Lately there have been a few posts on Eden Café about relationships, sex and religion. However, there have been even more posts on personal blogs about it. The BDSM, D/s, M/s lifestyle is always changing for those that live it 24/7, because it’s daily life, and daily life never stays the same for long. Mostly though, I’ve seen subs struggling with melding their life together. “Can I worship God and my Master?” “Is what I’m doing a sin?” “How can I follow the rule of harm none and still be a sadist?”

These are only a few of the questions and doubts I’ve seen flung around in the last few months. Sure, these questions can pop into your head as you go along in this lifestyle. More often than not (from what I have seen) though, one person questioning themselves has caused another person to question themselves on the topic, or one person questioning another about how they can believe one thing yet do another that seems to contradict the belief. I personally am not a believer in letting other people’s doubt and thoughts dictate how you live your life, and whether or not you’re comfortable in that life. I know several Pagans, Christians, and Catholics that live the lifestyle. Some of them I know can blend the two seamlessly; others struggle. They wonder if their God/gods/goddesses will approve of what they do, or they can’t bridge the gap in their minds between their beliefs and the way they live their lives, so they struggle. They try to choose one or the other, or they stress over one while they participate in the other. Some adopt the mindset of “The man leads”, or “I believe in goddess, so I follow the woman” from their religion and have learned to blend things under that umbrella. The thought and belief of “An ye harm none, do what ye will” can be tricky for some. There are those that believe BDSM goes against this, and then there are those that believe because it is consensual, it does not go against the vow. In more abundance, are those that have melded their two worlds very well, or have chosen to live them separately.

So which category do I fall into? Well, the latter. I’m pagan. That is the simplest term that I can come up with right now. What I believe is varied and eclectic across the board. A lot of beliefs are mainly spiritual. My lifestyle fits into that. There are those that mock paganism and spirituality, and don’t believe in gods and goddesses or spirit animals. There are those that do. Then there are those that don’t have a choice. I didn’t have a choice. If I don’t meditate for a long time, I’ll dream. Not just a normal dream, but a spiritually guided dream. The first time it happened it freaked me out because it was about my owner. Now I just accept it. Every dream, or meditation I’ve had a wolf with me. When I think about my owner and I, there is usually a visual in my head of wolves. Of an alpha with its teeth at a females neck, or a female offering her neck or belly to the alpha.

My sex life and my beliefs meld together very well. They feed off of one another. The deeper my connection with my owner, the more sexual I feel, the more spiritual and in tune I feel. I have a friend who is very connected to her beliefs and spends some of her time guiding other pagans with their problems. She told me when my owner and I first started getting close that I was meant to follow him, but I wasn’t ready for him, and he wouldn’t always be there. It freaked me out. I came to learn that she was right, I wasn’t ready to follow him and have him own me, and I learned that she meant he wouldn’t stay the same to me, his role would change, he would change. He has, we have.

I’ve never questioned my beliefs and how they may be at odds with my sex life. They’ve always flowed and grown together. As my submission to my owner deepened, as did my spirituality, my submission freed a part of me that let me open up to everything else I was being offered. I have trouble separating one from the other, because they are both large parts of what make up who I am. I don’t believe that one overrides the other, or that sex must always be at odds with religion. Sex brings life, and the earth is full of it. As a pagan, I worship the earth, the sun, the stars, god, goddess, and I embrace life. I embrace all that creates life, and all the every day bits of magic that we take for granted, and that includes sex. Yes I can be tied and beaten, whipped and flogged, but I can also walk out into a forest and be struck and affected just as deeply as I am with my owner. I value that. I love that I don’t have to fight to separate or meld parts of myself. I just, am.