Eden Cafe

What exactly is masochism?

As defined by our friends at Dictionary.com, masochism is gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one’s own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification. I don’t particularly like this definition because it is extremely vague and redundant. Let me break down masochism into an easier to understand form.

Masochism is the enjoyment of pain inflicted upon oneself either by said person or by another. Personally, I am a masochist. Why I enjoy such things, you might ask. It’s simple, at least to me. Experiencing pain and discomfort gives me the opportunity to let go of emotions that I bottle up inside of me. I live a very stressful life at home. I am a full time college student balancing my vanilla life with my other life. Trust me; it gets highly irritating at times. Not being allowed to express who I truly am to my family and having to live a lie kills me on the inside. I take all of my emotions and bottle them up. I’ve never really learned how to deal with emotions, even now at the ripe age of twenty-one.

In my early teens I would harm myself by mild cutting. Cutting is highly dangerous and I do not recommend anyone to cut themselves or another person. I would get off on the high that I would experience from the pain I would feel. I never understood why that was and when I quit my addiction to cutting (which I do not encourage in any way, shape, or form) I began to feel as though I was missing something. And then I stepped into the world of kink. I received my first beating publicly in front of strangers. I felt all of my worries and troubles slip away with each fall of the flogger and each stroke of the cane. And then it hit me, metaphorically since the physical aspect had already occurred. I needed to feel this discomfort, this pain, to release those nasty emotions I kept to myself.

Many people express emotions in different manners and there are different levels of masochism. Emotional masochism is another form and it involves no physicality. What emotional masochism is, exactly, is hard to pinpoint and nail down. In short, it is playing with the mind and bringing to the surface things which we do not want to have on the surface. It’s a mind fuck of sorts, only much more intimate. Friends of mine who enjoy this form of masochism find it relieving. It depends on the person. I, for one, prefer physical to emotional.

Masochism is often seen as a negative thing, but if you look at it and think about it, how many people do you know find release through pain? Or do you yourself find that release through pain? Do you find all your troubles float away when your partner grabs your hair a little too tightly? Or maybe when he/she smacks your bum a little too hard during sex? Masochism does not just involve BDSM activities. It involves every aspect of your life and how you deal with those aspects.
If you enjoy being rammed into the headboard while fucked in the ass by a giant dildo because you had a bad day at the office, you might be a masochist. If you like being thrown down on the bed and taken roughly by your partner because someone close to you has moved away or died, you might be a masochist. If you enjoy being bitten so hard that your lover leaves marks on you for a few days, you might be a masochist.

Masochism can be a beautiful thing if played upon correctly. Do not confuse masochism with abuse. There are definitely fine lines between what is acceptable and what is not. If your partner is beating the ever loving bejesus out of you because you didn’t clean the floors correctly as a way of venting, that may very well be negative if nonconsensual to your relationship. It takes you knowing your partner and your relationship as well as defining both of your needs, wants, desires, and fantasies.