Obviously, some couples have given consent to that sort of activity beforehand but you have to remember that a sleeping person cannot legally consent to sex, anyway. So even if a person doesn’t necessarily mind, it’s still legally rape.

Should women call “rape” for power? No. But is victim blaming ever the answer? No. I hope you are able to remain in that naive place. I should hate to think that anyone is ever in the situation where they’ve been raped but aren’t believed.

Most of the time, the women give up. You can see it in their eyes. These old, withered, ignorant women who just can’t win.

Thank you for writing this. It needed to be said that marriage does not equal consent.

Your story is a bit different with the divorce proceedings, in a case like that he probably shouldn’t be making any advances…. but I have read about a few where the a wife is complaining about waking up from being asleep to find her husband touching her – and considering charging him with sexual assault even though he stopped when she asked him to! I think it is utterly ridiculous and I feel very badly for any husband that has to deal with a wife like that. If someone considers that assault then they should not be married or sharing a bed with anyone.

Women these days seem to love throwing the victim card around, but a husband being charged with sexual assault or rape from his wife is the victim in my eyes unless it is an extreme case. Most of the time half of the “victims” story is exaggerated or a downright lie anyways. Do you know how many men are charged, convicted, and jailed for an assault that never happened? They are labelled for life and it is sickening.

I agree with you about the dual edged sword between men and women. I work in a domestic violence courtroom and we see cases in which wives have abused husbands and husbands abused wives. I am very adamant in my view that violence is not gender-specific and can be directed towards anybody. This specific instance just happened to be man-on-woman violence.

- The example given really doesn’t cover unwanted advances during marriage. You stated that the couple was going through a divorce. Anyone with a brain would err on the side of caution and assume if there’s divorce proceedings any prior consent is revoked. Obviously this guy wasn’t very intelligent, and probably deserves whatever he gets.

- I think it’s ridiculous to suggest that a spouse needs permission before touching their significant other each time the urge presents itself. There’s exceptions to every rule, but in a healthy, honest marriage I think suggesting such a thing is incredibly silly. No one is a mind reader, and it’s possible that you’ll make a sexual advance when your spouse isn’t in the mood. Normal married couples would say “No, not in the mood”. Obviously, that “no” is the end of it, and if it goes any further I’d have to agree it’s assault. Misunderstanding your spouses mood, and backing off when told to, isn’t “rape” (but oh we love to throw that word around at every opportunity these days).

And while we’re at it? If you’re capable of speaking, and aren’t interested in advances, open your mouth and say so. I completely disagree with non-verbal cues in almost all cases, because it is very subjective. Someone may not see the subtle eye roll, or misinterpret the dramatic sigh as an invitation. It’s not a game, and shouldn’t be left up to whether the other person in question can magically divine the meaning for your body language. I’ve yet to meet a sane human being that’s a mind reader.

- These posts, by the way they’re worded, seem to buy into the stereotype that all men want sex at all times. You seem very adamant that a husband not make any sexual advances towards his wife without consent, leaving it as if there could never be a problem in the other direction. The correct message to give is: Consent is required. Period. The sex of the people involved are irrelevant.

- I would agree that in a D/s relationship (meaning, specifically, “Dominant” and “submissive”) that the submissive is the one ultimately in control. Not all of us are in a D/s relationship. In my case, rayne is a slave. Her consent was obviously required prior to becoming my slave. However, that consent allowed me to make all life decisions for her. I no longer need consent from her, as it’s already been given.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m turning into a masochist. Heh.