Making time for sex with busy schedules can be hectic. But try it when there are kids involved! Then it’s a whole new ballgame. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it can be tricky to find enough time for as much sex as you want. Some couples feel like it’s a burden not to be able to have all the spontaneous sex they want, and the sex they do have will either be quick or at a predictable time. But with a little bit of work and communication it can happen, and make both of you very happy.

For me personally, sex wasn’t an issue when I first had a kid. I was single before the gyno even gave the okay for me to have sex again. But eventually I started dating again, which admittedly led to some casual sex. Finding time for sex when you’re just casually dating people can definitely be tough! If you bring your kid to daycare or have a babysitter often, then obviously you can try to meet up with someone for a quickie, but you probably won’t be able to spend the night with your date. Right there that can put a strain on a potential relationship, because your kid is always first, so you can’t just go out and do anything with a partner whenever they feel like.

Being a single parent and finding time for sex might actually be easier in some aspects than couples that are parents, because if you’re going to go out on a date with someone that might eventually lead to sex, you’ll probably already have childcare set up.

I’m in a long term relationship now, and having a kid definitely has changed our sex life from the get go. We can never have sex at ANY given time we want to. At least most couples with kids could before they had children. In my situation, though, we’ve never experienced that. That’s okay, though, because fortunately we’ve found ways to make the most of our sex life with a little one around!

To me, the most obvious ways to make time for sex in a relationship are to do it at night and in the morning. Once your munchkins go to bed, you’ll have the whole night to yourselves. Unfortunately, sometimes schedules are conflicting, so if that’s the case you’ll have to put in the effort to not be “too tired”, and try to meet each other half way to make time for yourselves sometime during the night or morning. Maybe start with some kissing or foreplay and that might lead to sex! Jumping into the shower together in the morning is another great way, especially if your child is still asleep or content with another child.

If you have a younger kid, then nap time is a great chance to get some alone time with each other, as long as you are both home at that time. The only problem with that is the chance of being interrupted, but communication is the key, and you can’t let the little things bother you.

My kid doesn’t nap any more, so daytime sex is pretty much out for me. Unless she’s completely involved in something, and there’s no chance of her getting into anything bad… then I can sneak away for a very short time. We don’t even usually go to bed, just a nearby room where we’re still in earshot. So we have to be VERY quiet! I feel bad about doing this sometimes, but it can bring back that rush of spontaneity, and having some fun is so important in a relationship. A great chance for daytime sex is when your kid is at school if they’re old enough. Or even sleeping over at a friend’s house, then you can get all day and night!

It can be so, so tricky to find time for sex no matter how many children you have. You just have to communicate, and make sure you both are happy with how things are going. If not, then try to make an effort to stay up later, or wake up for morning sex whenever you can. That’s what I try to do most. With the chance of day sex being very rare, I have to make the most of our nights and mornings. The occasional grabbing each other and giving kisses definitely make the sexless days go by easier. Because we know that, even if it’s slightly predictable, that we’ll have sex another night, and it’ll be damn sexy.