I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sick and tired of constantly hearing people tell new parents that their sex life has come to an end once their baby arrives. Just because you have children does not mean that you can not still have an intimate, private sex life with your partner. Take this from a mother of seven, yes, I said SEVEN children. I can honestly say that our sex life is 100 times better than before kids. Could just be the partnering there too. But hey, we still have seven children, and we still get it on more than any of our friends, that I can promise you. So, are you ready for some advice to keep your love life alive while raising those babies? Well, ready or not, here it comes.

First things first, time. I know you are probably saying in the back of your mind, “I just don’t have time for sex.” Well honey, you have to MAKE time. There’s nothing more important in a relationship than intimacy. If you don’t have intimacy, you don’t have a marriage, relationship, whatever you want to call it. No one is expecting you to have the “ultimate” sexual experience every time, but this is too important of a measure of your connectedness to ignore. Sex is for unity, procreation and pleasure, so keep your priorities straight. You need to make time for your lover. Even if it means setting the alarm clock fifteen or twenty minutes earlier in the morning so you can have sex before you get out of bed, or going to bed thirty minutes earlier to have that quiet intimate time that you both so desperately need. YOU have to make time for it. It’s not going to do it for you.

Secondly, be spontaneous. If the kids are behaving and watching TV, why don’t the two of you go sneak off into the bedroom for a quickie? If they are playing, tell them “Mommy and Daddy need to talk about the fun things that we are going to do for you, but it’s a secret and we can’t be interrupted.” The children know that unless it’s really important, they’ll leave their parents alone because whatever secret they’re planning is going to make their life happier. Another great suggestion–code words. The two of you make up code words or signals that let the other know that you want them. I know one couple that has a code phrase to use just as an argument begins to get heated – “We’ve got better things to do!” This is their signal to each other to meet in the bedroom at 9:30 for sex, because they love each other dearly, that is why they married, and nothing else in the world matters more. Get creative with it! The code could include special music, gestures or something as simple as lighting candles when it is dinnertime. The code sends the message, but also maintains intrigue and a special sense of sensual connection between parents who are also still lovers.

Third, mentally prepare yourself for your partner. I know things get hectic during the day. Yes, you have tons of thoughts running through your mind all day long. But how many of those thoughts are of your lover? How often do you take the time to think of your partner, or better yet, let them know you are thinking of them. Take a moment and think about how he/she makes you feel when they hold you close and tell you that they love you. Think of how good it feels to feel their body next to yours. When you do, take a minute and type them a text while they are at work just to say “I love you”, “I’m thinking about you”, or even better, “I want you.” And let your thoughts take over. You’ll be surprised what you can think of when you’re in the right mind frame.

Fourth, TEAMWORK! You two are a team, and you have to work together to get things done. Double-team the housework and other duties in the evening after dinner with the mindset that something great is going to happen later that night. While you’re washing the dishes together, flirt with each other to remind each other of what’s to come! Learn how to optimize the order of your house and plan ahead. Make a freezer pizza for dinner, leave the vacuuming, don’t worry about mating socks right now– there’s other mating to be done. Unplug the phone, lock the door, say no to outside requests, turn off connections to the outside world, and make a connection with your lover… Just make sure you plug everything back in when you’re finished.

And finally, plan for at least one weekend a month alone. Every couple needs alone time. Send the kids to grandma’s for the weekend, or have them schedule a sleepover for the same night. Take that alone time and use it to your advantage. And again, unplug that phone, turn off the cell phones, and have no outside interruptions from the task at hand… connecting with your lover. Make this a special time for the two of you and HAVE FUN!