Hello. My name’s Kathryn Deanne Hale. You may have encountered me on and off Edenfantasys as Kady the Red Panda. I was born on August 25 near Atlanta, Georgia, making my astrological sign Virgo—the virgin, the maiden, the pure one. My real name, “Kathryn” is Greek in origin and also means “pure.” Heck, even my full name, strangely enough, means “pure, divine hero.” No, really—go consult any baby name site if you think I’m joking.

I guess it’s also fitting, then, that at the time of this writing, I am also a twenty-year-old virgin.

I define sexual intercourse as any sexual interaction between two or more partners. Oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation, and penis-in-vagina intercourse, therefore all qualify as ways to pop one’s cherry to me. Masturbation, being “sex for one,” doesn’t count as sex, even if I penetrate my vagina for that reason. I have never even exchanged a sexually charged kiss with someone else, so I’m positive I still qualify for the label “virgin.”

The reasons that I am a virgin are numerous. First off, I am very insecure about my body. If I’m going to be naked, let alone fucking with someone, I want to be comfortable in my body. Sex is an intimate activity, damnit. Being uncomfortable to any degree ruins the intimacy. Second, because of my poor body image, I’m worried about my partner cheating on me. If cheating occurs, the chance of me contracting a sexually transmitted disease by my unfaithful partner skyrockets. I need to make sure I can trust any sexual partner. Third and finally, I’m just too shy. There are people who probably believe I’m more special needs than I really am because of my more prominent Autistic characteristics.

Would I love to lose my virginity? You bet your ass I want to! Only a true asexual would never want to engage in sex. I want to get intimate, try out different positions, see firsthand my partner coming because of something I did to him or her. Even if I don’t come during that session, seeing my partner satisfied would be enough for me. I thrive on seeing the ones I love being happy.

If my fantasies about having sex are this flowery, you must assume that I think that losing my virginity would have me seeing stars, curling my toes until they resemble Swiss rolls, and screaming as loud as a howler monkey when I reach my limit. If you really believe that, you’re completely wrong.

My family says that I have an Eeyore attitude, in that I always sound hopeless about something. True, I’ve been depressed for years, but I also consider myself a realist. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, popping your cherry is going to be awkward, if not outright sucky. If losing your virginity was almost always amazing, why are there so many women who wish they could have waited to have sex later in life?

I expect to have some pain. I have experience with toys, but a real penis is NOT the same as a silicone dildo material-wise, or human use-wise. I expect to have some awkwardness and confusion because it’s my first time with someone. The same goes for any new partner; you have to learn what they like before it gets really good anyway. And I expect it to be memorable, whether it was a good experience or not. It is a milestone, after all. Even if it sucked, lovemaking could only get better with more sessions.

I can’t wait.

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