There is a fine line, in the world we live in, between the love of a spouse and the love of nearly anything else. Whether it be for religious, societal, ethnic, or purely physical reasons, the love that one has for their legally bound partner is normally placed, depending on one’s views, directly below the love one has for their deity, or for we atheists, the beloved scientific process.

However, there are a growing number of people who believe that love, like any other personal or emotional possession of mind, is not only as limitless as we see it ourselves, but malleable, a dividable entity we can distribute as we see fit. I will not cheapen it and call love a commodity, but instead a resource, a resource that in our minds is not to be hoarded and used for one, but distributed to as many as are willing and able to accept what we have to offer them.

Polyamory is not a new concept, to even call it old is also a falsehood. It is an ancient practice our ancestors before us used not only as a form of personal happiness, but as a means of propagating the species when the gene pool was limited, and single mate life partners were simply undesirable for the continuation of a non-incestual DNA base.

Mind you, that is simply the biology, if polyamory as applied to early man’s struggle to survive and thrive. The deep emotional aspects are the truly enlightening thing to it. Case in point, a man and a woman (although this works for every heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual and pansexual composition available) love one another. Not a fairy tale love, where all is sweetness and light, but a true love, one of passion and anger, compromise and trust. They both feel this love and you, at some level personal to each of them, something is missing. Maybe it is the desire for an opposite/same sex pairing, a cultural or spiritual pairing, sexual compatibility, or just more love to give than one person can receive, and a depressive air when it cannot be shared enough.

It is not a single one of these things listed above that may mean you have a desire for a polyamorous relationship, but a combination of some, most, or all of those listed and the nearly countless others that are not. Before I go on I must say this, desiring another partner purely for sexual gratification, while not wrong in the slightest, is not polyamory. Some people who say they desire polyamory merely seek an open relationship with their partner. Never confuse the two.  Heartbreak and agony will always result.

When you and your partner discuss perhaps having a polyamorous relationship, make sure, above all else, that you are honest in all things. If you begin with deception over feelings and actions, then all that you begin to build with your partner and possible future additions to your love, is a lie, and will eventually come crashing down and hurt each and every person involved. Do not be ashamed to speak of sexual curiosities, possible jealousy issues, limitations, boundaries and even parameters you both agree on. Writing things down does not somehow cheapen the experience by any means. A written record always helps to remind all parties of their state of mind when the papers were written, despite any positive/negative changes since.

There are nearly infinite variations to a polyamorous relationship. The numbers do not have a cap and it is not necessary for one person to share your love for one another. The point is that all can love all or all can love one or, again, an infinite amount of variations in between. It is truly a wonderful, open, limitless and deeply personal situation and decision.

As an example of the variations in the world of polyamory, I will give you my wife (read: legal spouse) and my current configuration. As I said, I am married, but also have a woman who I am deeply emotionally committed to and love as much as my wife, and she shares the depth and detail of these feelings. My wife and her love one another as well, but on a platonic level. My wife is currently seeking a deep, loving and committed relationship with another man similar to the one I have, as well as an experimentally sexual, with possible long term commitment, with a woman. I am also exploring my sexuality and, while not actively looking, am willing to experiment sexually with another man. We are also both, as a couple, looking for a couple for a sexual and emotional relationship.

The number one question I get asked, after the ignorant masses ask to fuck my wife as if she were a whore, is what we tell our children, if anything, about our lifestyle choices. For starters, I do not lie to my children, about anything. That being said, I do not tell them every detail either. They are young, which means they purely, in the depths of it, want that security all children do. They want to make sure Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to be gone when they wake up in the morning. I tell my children that Mommy and Daddy love one another and always will, but they also love other people as much as they love one another. This not only succinctly answers their question, but assuages their, like all children, irrational fears of abandonment.

What I have just written is in no way designed to be a complete guide to anything. It was just a few thoughts I thought I would share on the subject from my viewpoint, and my viewpoint alone.

Love All You Can
Love As Much As You Can
Love As Long As You Can