It’s probably because I don’t buy into the belief that advertising, and portrayals of women in the media, lead to objectification and bad self esteem. Guess what? I see all that stuff too. I see the images of skinny women with big boobs and tiny waistlines plastered on television screens, billboards, and advertisements. I understand the intent behind them too, unlike most people I’ve encountered. They are designed to make people feel bad about themselves. “Well, I feel like crap, but maybe if I buy this (fill in the blank product name) I’ll feel better, and look like that.” That is what the advertising is trying to put in your head. Once you recognize that, and look past it, you can enjoy the images for what they are – an attempt to sell products.
Media does not reflect what society is like. It’s a sad, but true fact. Media reflects, what in an optimal world, we would like to be. It pulls those little thoughts out of your head that even the best of us don’t like to admit we have, and puts those smack dab, front row for you to see. Media takes things we never like to admit we like, and blows them up to a grand scale. If you don’t like what you see on screen, don’t watch it. Simple as that. Just don’t bitch and moan that the whole of it should be pulled, and instead replaced with every day images. We like watching the drama, the extreme, the unusual, and the small segment of society that actually looks like what we see portrayed. Would you watch a show about a housewife from Kansas carting her kids around to soccer practice and doing her grocery shopping? No offense to housewives from Kansas, but that’s not exactly what I call thrilling television.
I will admit that media portrayals get me down sometimes. I don’t look like what I see on television or in movies. The difference is, I don’t let it keep me down. I take what I see and process it, quickly learning that I have to take responsibility for my own self esteem. I see the backlash against the advertising of “unrealistic images” as just another symptom of a society that has lost the concept of personal responsibility. Instead of saying, “How can I fix this?” we blame others for every ailment and problem we see around us under the sun. “Someone else should fix this.” It’s the battle cry of the person who has ceased to take responsibility for their own actions, emotions and esteem.
We don’t like to think about it, but in the end, there is no one who can do a better job of fixing our own lives than us. Look inward, not outward. Sit down, and realistically figure out what to do. It is your life and your body. It’s easy to say, but you need to love yourself. You need to emphasize your good qualities, and not focus on the negatives. Become secure in your own body, however you need to do that. If it’s avoiding all advertising, go for it.
The point is that advertising, and all the other external influences in the world, will not affect you if you don’t let them. You are special. You are unique. You are treasured. You are rare. There is only one of you on the entire planet, be proud of that. Don’t hide behind whatever image you’ve chosen to portray. Be loud, proud, and out. Show the world how beautiful you are inside and the outside will follow. That goes hand in hand with my belief that people that are ugly inside will always be ugly outside, no matter how “pretty” they may appear. You are beautiful on the outside to the world if you are beautiful on the inside. Mothers, teach your daughters these lessons. Pass it on to the next generation. Parental influence is so underrated and so underappreciated.
So I guess, in a way, I’m a good feminist by my own view of feminism. I’ll continue to advocate for personal responsibility and loving one’s self. Nobody can stop me on my own little warpath.
luminosity
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104×5469678
That’s why you’re a bad feminist. 9 year old girls? Not capable of that level of reasoning. I’m glad you feel comfortable in yourself. That’s awesome. But we live in a society, and as members of that society, we have a responsibility to those less able. Whether they are 9 or 39.
raingirl98275
I agree with the author and with Luminosity. Advertising is a way to sell products that feeds on our insecurities and even reality television should be considered a commercial as it advertises, as acceptable, a particular life style. It is our daughters that we have to educate and nurture and remind daily that “normal” people have teeth that do not glow in a blacklight, they have a budget for school clothes, everyone gets pimples and going to college is more important than getting chosen for “teen mom.”
The pressure to have status items is huge for kids today. When I grew up it was okay to buy your school clothes at J.C. Pennys and even Sears, but not today. If they do not have status items they go down a notch in popularity. Now will it matter in ten years who had the most juicy couture crap…no. But try telling that to a teenage or even pre-teen girl.
So while I do not think banning certain things will change our attitudes I do think restrictions on the time and place that advertisers can place or show their ads would be an improvement. And in that vein…why have we gone so far to restrict cigarette advertising but allowed hard liquor ads BACK on telivision. Cancer is bad but cigarettes don’t make daddy smack mom around the kitchen and Aunt Betty go to rehab(numerous times). As adult women(feminist or not) it is our job to make sure appropriate messages get to our girl.
Roland Tumble
Sounds to me like you’re a better feminist than the ones you’re hiding from. The only caveat is that it’s necessary–really, really, tough, but necessary–to pass that attitude on.
BBW Talks Toys
As someone who has battled/battles binge eating/overeating as an ED and as a coping mechanism for some really bad crap, I get it. I get that I can’t allow myself to be made to feel crappy because of a billboard, etc. BUT, Luminosity is right… and wrong. Here’s why. I agree that little girls are easily swayed by the media and their peers. I agree that there’s too much out there telling them the wrong things. BUT, and it’s a big but (take that as you will)….
What are we teaching our children? How much time do we spend monitoring what our daughters and sons view? How much time do we spend teaching our daughters that beauty is about character, not the reflection? How much time do you spend teaching your sons that women are beautiful no matter what the package they come in looks like?
Children are malleable. Don’t use the media putting out a negative image as an excuse that you didn’t do your job in raising your daughters and sons.
I absolutely wish that media didn’t try to do that. I absolutely understand that not every child is lucky enough to have a parent that makes their children confident in themselves. But I don’t see the point in rampaging at businesses who are trying to make money when the problem is in your own home.
luminosity
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The point, as you so succinctly put it, in ‘rampaging’ (again your word not mine)against businesses who are trying to make money at the expense of women’s self image is to make the opposing viewpoint visible.
I’m glad that you’re all so very clear on who you are, that your daughters don’t suffer from issues of esteem, or eating disorders. Your good fortune is a wonderful thing.
But not everyone has that good fortune. The point in fighting the view the mainstream media puts forth is to make sure that everyone knows those images should be questioned. I’m on the extreme end of this particular issue in that I think EVERYTHING that isn’t a bald faced fact needs to be questioned, but the fact is, most people don’t.
It’s a lot easier to question words. If someone were to say to you, “You, as a woman, have no value unless you weigh 130 or less, are five eight or more, and have a mean income of $75,000 or more, wear designer clothes every day, and have your makeup professionally done every day.” you’d tell them to go hang. Anyone would. But images are so much more insidious. The next time you see an advertisement, try stating verbally what you see in the image. If you won’t accept it verbally, then you should not accept the image either.
And for the record, I spent a lot of time teaching my daughter about beauty. And sometimes, the fact that she questions everything, including me, is really frustrating. She forms her own opinions, and her values are her own, not mine. Because she’s a separate person from me. That’s not a parenting fail. I taught her to be herself. You can’t ensure that a child won’t form their own ideas about what they are seeing, regardless of what you teach them.
P'Gell
Thank you, Isabel. There is so much to be said for personal responsibility.
I have three daughters and although they were raised similarly (there is no such thing as raising children “identically”) they have different takes on the media and how it effects them. However, they in a lot of ways, have chosen, as have I, how much we let media influence us. Mothers can “teach” all they want, kids still make their own decisions. One of my dds maintains her view on things (and believes too much media) no matter how much “good influence” she got at home.
Does that mean that advertisers shouldn’t “be allowed” to show what they show? Absolutely not. Personal responsibility is important. Even a child of 10 or 11 can make decisions, as my 11 year old has decided, DECIDED to reject so much of the BS on television. As one of her older sisters has CHOSEN to accept a lot of this BS. Same parents, same basic parenting philosophy, different choices from the girl.
Still, personal hygiene and yes, looking presentable and taking care of one’s body is still important. It is such a complicated issue.
Thank you for your input. Good article.