While reading an Article on Eden Café about long distance relationships, I was inspired to write about my own story.
I met my boyfriend on the internet about a year and a half ago, and have been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. It’s true. I have always been ashamed of saying so, but I have recently discovered that it is ok to be happy, no matter what anyone else thinks or says. It’s not their life, it’s mine.
I have always felt that I have to please people for them to accept me. I moved around a lot as a kid, and with changing schools so much, I had to get into a groove that enabled me to make quick friends. I always ended up with the best friends a girl could ask for. They never judged me, and allowed me to truly be myself and laugh along with me rather than at me. But every time I moved somewhere different, I learned to please other people. I do this because I hate arguments and anything that causes drama, but I have now found that I cannot let my fear of disappointing other people determine how I make myself happy.
Not many people understand my relationship with this guy, nor will they ever unless they experience it firsthand. I haven’t met him in person, and they don’t understand how I can be happy with someone when I’m not actually ever with him. The thing is I have never been so happy. He means so much to me in every way. Every time we talk, he just becomes that much more important. He knows everything about me and some. He could answer any question about me without even hesitating. We have taken the time to get to know each other in every way. He has sent me teddy bears, and we write each other sexy stories, as well as sext, have phone sex, which I might add is FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC, and the intimate conversation that goes along with that. We have different phone services, so throughout the day we text, but as soon as it is free for us to talk, we are on the phone. It is even difficult to fall asleep without remaining on the phone until it dies, or the signal cuts out after we are sleeping. I know it seems a bit insane, and it may be, but I am completely in love with him and no one seems to get it.
People tease and ask if the phone sex is just that good, and yes actually, it is. I have had phone sex in a few of my past relationships, and it was incredibly forced, but now, with him, it’s just natural. It isn’t weird in any sort of way, it isn’t tense, and there are never any awkward moments. It’s just normal for us to behave the way we do. We are like any other couple with the pet names, and cute little moments, except we don’t get to actually touch each other at night while we sleep, or kiss each other good morning. We don’t get to go to dinner, or the movies, and we don’t get to hold hands in the car. These are all hard things to go without, but the day we have the chance to do such things, our relationship will be strong enough to stand through anything.
I have made plans to visit him, and him to visit me in previous times, but things always come up and ruin our seemingly perfect plans, but we still press on with our relationship.
With the way things are for both of us right now, it isn’t an option for us to move towards one another, no matter how bad we wish we could.
I miss him so much, all of the time, and we have never even met face to face. It just feels as if we have because of how close we are. He always makes me laugh, so on days like today, when I want to be with him the most, he says something and somehow makes it all better. Unfortunately there are days where I am not able to talk to him, so instead I email him before I go to sleep. It doesn’t fix my addiction to him, and his extremely sexy voice, but it sure makes me feel better knowing that I spent two hours typing about everything I done that day so that he can read it when he gets a chance. J
Our relationship is based on trust. We trust each other so very much, and I feel terrible when I second guess what he is telling me, but then I realize that it is just the stress from having a long distance relationship. That’s what comes with it. But without the trust, there is nothing. We would only fight and be angry for things that we could not control. We aren’t there to see what’s going on, and I feel that fighting solves nothing. So we have trust, and we believe in one another.
The relationship is hard enough work as it is, so when people tell me that I’m stupid for going after it, and that I should find someone else that I can actually touch and be with, I begin to ask myself why I chase this. Am I wishing for it to be like some kind of fairytale? Do I think that it’s going to happen at the drop of a hat and everything is going to work out perfectly? I have come to find that without him I am miserable and I tend to have an emptiness about me. I don’t talk much, and I keep to myself. I hate that feeling. So I will do whatever it takes to keep my relationship going strong. So yes, I believe that this is my so called fairytale minus the white horse, and riding off into the sunset. I know that nothing will happen as fast as I want it to, but I will be patient for my dreams to come true, because in the end, it will be worth it.